Putting the 'MAN' in Manic

One of those firsts

2012-02-19T22:29:00.001-05:00

Last weekend the family took a trip to Wachusett Mountain for a little ski trip. Sure there's not a lot of snow, but that wasn't the main reason for the trip. We were meeting up with our friends Paul and Carol, with whom we shared our adventure in St. Petersburg, Russia .

We had not been skiing as a family since last year when Alexandra was 6 and Dylan 4. The highlight of that trip was Leanna and I skiing together for almost the first time since we became parents. We put the kids in ski lessons and got in a few runs of our own. In the interim the kids got their own skis and we put them in lessons after school at a local ski area (yes there is a ski are in Rhode Island!). So when we went to Wachusett there were no lessons. I fully expected to be spending much of the day with Dylan because his lesson group had not yet ridden a chair lift or indeed gone down a full hill of any sort. Well no matter, it did feel good to be on the slopes.

When we got our gear on Dylan said he wanted to follow Mommy and Alexandra who had gone over to a chair lift. I said, "Why don't we warm-up a little on the magic carpet and then we can head over." Well if he had known how to drop f-bombs he would have said, "F--- that Dad. We're gett'n on the f---'n chair lift with f---'n Mommy and f---'n Alexandra!" I was in no mood to deal with a meltdown this early in the day so I said, "Fine. Listen to me and I'll help you get on the chair." In my head I'm thinking, "If he gives me a hard time well... chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help!"

The chair comes swinging around and low and behold my little buddy gets right on! I helped him shift back a little, lowered the bar, and we were off! Then when we get to the top, I'm giving him that over protective fatherly advice and ... he's off and going. "Wait up buddy!" And he didn't slow down the whole day. By the end he even attempted some intermediate slopes. He was that little kid we've all seen; the one in the helmet bombing down the slopes scarcely turning! And also by the end of the day when he fell, low and behold, as I side-stepped back up the hill to help him get his skis on, he clipped in on his own and just shot passed me!

And not to forget big sister Alexandra; she was the one all in pink flying around the slopes! Mommy was trying to keep up with her, not the other way around. She and I skied together as well.

So there it was, the first day we all skied together...grown up skiing!

Moving forward

2012-01-29T11:23:00.001-05:00

It's been a long time since my last post, and it's time to do something about that. In fact it's been so long the blogger interface has changed and I can't find all the controls! Seriously the last 6mos or so have been a struggle. It's time to find myself again and that means a return to focus on personal things.

Why does this blog exist?

This blog started in late 2004. There's a reason for that. That's when I became a dad. And while the content sort of goes all over the place, the real purpose of this body of work was to create a journal which painted a picture of who is was. I'd like Alexandra and Dylan to be able to hear, in my own words, what I did and thought when they were little, because somewhere down the road I will be old and much of this will be here say and distant memory. So kids, your take away here is that sometimes I lose focus on what is really important, like leaving these things for you. I promise to continue to try and keep this collection alive.

The last 6mos.

Following the Save the Bay swim, we remodeled the kitchen, two months of sheer torture which in retrospect were totally worth it, and I was "reorg'd" for the 3rd time in 18mos at work. Unlike the previous times, this one had a direct impact for me and my team and had me reporting to people with whom I had no previous work experience. In an understandable, though misguided effort to "make a good impression" I started focusing on work, to the exclusion. In many ways I'm still there though at this point it's become a bad habit that I want to break but am having trouble breaking. For years I've understood that we as people aren't defined by what we do at work, what our title is, what our pay is. I say I understand that, but let me tell you it's easy to forget. And as the demands grew higher and higher I started missing important things and important people, and generally made myself miserable and isolated.

Sometimes even smart people are stupid.

I spend a lot of time feeling isolated and generally sorry for myself. I've convinced myself that I had no friends anywhere nearby. Associates and acquaintances, sure, but not friends. I'm an idiot. As I slowly open my eyes, I'm seeing that some of the best people who I could hope to be friends with are literally right around the corner and one actually in the same house. People who have positive energy. People who don't care who you report to at work or what your rank is at your company. People who really just want to be friends...no expectations. Honestly, this realization is a little unsettling, largely because I feel I've done very little to deserve this friendship. But I guess that's one of life's funny things; it's not my choice.

Going forward I know I need to change. I'm pretty sure I need help doing so. (So Doug, while you've committed to less "brow beating" in 2012, feel free to do some. Some of us need a push to get moving again!) I strive to return focus to the true me: the lover of the ocean, the lover of the mountains, the geek, the coffee addict, the athlete, the dad and the husband...and the friend.

Best Day Ever

2011-10-06T06:46:00.002-04:00

September 11, 2011. Maybe because I remembered where I was 10yrs earlier, how horribly that day was, I knew this day was destined to be the opposite; to be great. The weather was beautiful. The previous 6 or 7 weeks I had been tense and borderline miserable. Work was a strain as I had been "reorganized" for the third time in 18mos. We didn't have a kitchen because it was still being remodeled. Dishes were still done in the downstairs bathroom. Money of course seemed like it was flying out the door (see "kitchen"). And I hadn't worked out in what seemed like forever. Most notably I had not gone for a swim in the ocean since August 9th.

I've never deemed myself much if a swimmer. It was always a complimentary activity, something done when I had too like preparing for a race. So I never really considered how much I might miss it. On Saturday as I was leaving with Dylan to go to his soccer game, I got an offer to do the run leg as part of a relay at the FIRM Man 1/2 Iron triathlon. Sure! I was excited to do something competitive again. Yes it would be well below my best times due to a lack of fitness, but I suspected I could do something reasonable. But I wrote down the wrong phone number to confirm my interest. When I finally got home and corrected my mistake, the team, having not heard from me, got another runner.So it was that I had no option but to join the 1st to 2nd beach swim on Sunday if indeed I wanted to workout with others.

I was a bit intimidated by the thought. The others had continued to swim while I had my layoff. The ocean around us gets a bit "hungrier" as the fall closes in. I was unsure of my current ability to manage big water. I reassured myself that despite my lack of form relative to earlier in the year, I had now done this swim enough that I could at least survive it. And survive it I did! About 1/2 way through the water got very "confused" and I struggled. It was not pretty. You can't "fake" it in those conditions. But when at last I dragged myself up on 2nd beach I felt exhausted and ... transformed.

As people our "higher" brain functions may allow us to think of, and do, incredible or as we saw 10yrs ago and really see every day, terrible things. And yet it seems the farther we allow ourselves to journey along the paths that our higher functions create, the farther we journey away from our humanity. Survival situations push us back towards our instinctual roots. Closer to our humanity. When I emerged from the water I once again felt "human."After the swim we were invited to share coffee and pastries by a wonderful person at a house overlooking the wild waters we had just swum. The view was magnificent, but it was sharing that moment with the people, my fellow swimmers, that was perfect. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but as I left to return home I very nearly cried.

And the day was not even over. In fact it had just begun.Alexandra has been a bike riding fiend for a while now, and her younger brother has been wanting desperately to catch up. Well it was Alexandra who asked if we could take the bikes to the fields near the track at Gaudet Middle school so they could ride and Dylan could practice w/o training wheels. After a few false starts and some nerves, he was up and going. Wobbly for a bit, when he went behind the "shed" at the field, like a ship passing behind the moon, you held your breath waiting for him to emerge...and he did. My buddy was a two-wheeler.

Best day ever.

Andy

2011-07-09T16:09:00.008-04:00

We ocean swimmers (yes "we" as in "including me") are a small group. We convene at a little place, on a little island, in a little state. Because of this we have a bond. I wasn't sure how significant that bond was until our numbers fell by one yesterday. Andy passed away yesterday. I did not know Andy well, however we had mutual friends and shared a passion, swimming in our wonderful ocean.

I cannot recall a time when our "spiritual leader" Mike has not declared how wonderful, how glorious it was to be enjoying our waters. Early on I was too concerned with survival to fully appreciate this gift. Two days ago I had what might have been my awakening, my satori if you will. Treading water, with friends, near Purgatory Chasm. It was incredible. I was not anxious. I was not afraid. I was at peace. I was at home. There was a sense of calm that went through me. It was so basic, so real, so primal. I'll never take this gift we have here for granted again.

Andy will never again swim with us, but I do not doubt his spirit will not miss a start. Tomorrow at 6:30am we're swimming from 40 steps on the Cliff Walk in Newport to 2nd beach in Middletown. Quite literally there is no other place on earth where you could do this. While this event is not technically being done in memory of our friend, I can safely say he will be on our minds. The ocean binds us together.

Ironman Coeur D'Alene

2011-06-30T22:31:00.006-04:00

I was in the Phoenix airport. I was sitting in Starbucks watching my flight time slide from 3:45 to 3:55 to 4:00. They were playing Jimmy Cliff “Many Rivers to Cross.” I had no laptop, but suddenly I was inspired to fill the time writing. I walked down to the news store and found behind the racks of romance novels and assorted c.r.a.p. there was a little shelf with a couple pads of yellow lined paper and a few pens. It was basically an homage to things from a bygone era. And while I knew even then I was getting a little mellow dramatic, nonetheless the song and the moment inspired a “reflective” report.

The planning, build-up, trip, and lastly the race are all over now. 23 months in the making and over just like that. 23 months of seeking a do-over for Lake Placid ’09, and the near miss to Kona. And after all is said and done, some undeniable truths emerge.
1) I feel a lot better about LP ’09 than I did in ’09.
2) I’m a pretty competent race manager.
3) I’m still not going to Kona.

Can one be really happy with an experience and very disappointed at the same time? I wrote months ago that going to Hawaii didn’t matter so much anymore, however the very apparent truth is having the option to do so, in other words qualifying, does. I didn’t race poorly; in fact I raced pretty well. I saw no blatant cheating. I was just beaten. I’m forced to respect that. It’s hard to live with, but you have to respect the people who did a better job than you. I’m pretty sure I got everything out of my body that I had to give, and still it wasn’t enough. So I’m proud of my race, and yet disappointed. Less than 4 minutes, 3 places, and this report would be vastly different. I’m now 3 for 3 in near misses. The trip was also one of those experiences I’ll remember for a long time. And as great as my time with my teammates was, the trip as well will forever be one of mixed feelings.

A brief recap of the race reads like this. At 7:00am the cannon sounded and we were off. The start was chaotic but I’ve been in much worse. I think the clarity of the water helped. The swim was slow and a really big boat wake appeared on the second loop just as I was approaching the turn, screwing up my navigation and causing me to turn too much and so turn back. I also had a goggles which were leaking thanks to a bump in the head breaking the seal around my right eye. My contact effectively became like a cataract. It wasn’t too much of a problem during the swim, but the bike could be an issue. As I approached shore I remembered I had not thrown glasses into my bag as a backup in case just this thing happened. I came out in 1:11 and just like that I knew 10hrs was out of reach. Time to recalibrate the goals…age group place.

My hands were cold so transition was slow. In fact it took 3 shots to get my watch on. Once I got out on my bike I started to settle myself. I checked my heart rate and it said 140, and then 80, and then nothing. “Okay, this one’s going to have to be by feel. No heart rate today!” It did eventually start reading again, but was still wacky. The bike leg was my biggest disappointment. I should be 10min faster at my fitness level. And it was the flat lands, coming back into town into a bit of a head wind, where I got my ass handed to me. In fact comparing to fellow teammate Pat Wheeler, who rocked the course top to bottom, I only gave up fractions of a mph on the hills, but upwards of 3mph coming in, especially on the second lap. Disappointing.
CDA Bike

So it was down to the run to see if I could move up and perhaps get a Kona slot, which I may or may not take. I was fairly conservative going out. It’d been almost 2yrs since I’ve run this distance and it was warming up outside. I focused on nutrition and told myself to dial it back…slow it down. I got my heart rate, the monitor now working, back into what we call a mid Z1 effort, basically a steady aerobic running pace. I passed the eventual women’s champion Julie Dibens around mile 2. She was, however, on her 2nd loop. It did tell me I was running well. Still I expected to have problems so I kept it conservative. Mostly the run was uneventful. I did see teammates in force, and I was extremely surprised at the “Motivation Station.” As I crossed the mat, I looked up expecting to see some lame generic message. Instead I saw, “J. Kehm, B.M.A.” There is only one man who could have done that because only one other person in the state of Idaho on that day would know what that meant. Thanks Doug MacLean (the overall age group champion). I had decided to keep it conservative until the final climb was over. Then it was time to roll it out. I brought it home hard, including a 7:10 final mile and a final sprint to mid 5s.
CDA Run

I crossed the finish line. I got my medal. I returned my chip…and then I returned all the coke and water from the last couple of aid stations! A medical volunteer jammed a barf bucket in my face. I used it. And then she asked me if I was done. However she did so with the bucket literally jammed in my face. I said, if you move my puke out of my face, I may be okay. She didn’t move. So I just stood up. They walked me over and put me in a lawn chair with a couple of ice packs. “When was your last pee?” “Mile 18.” “Of the bike?” “No, the run. In fact I think my shorts are still damp if you don’t believe me! ;)” Okay I didn’t really say that last part, but I thought it!

My final time of 10:16 was not a PR, and so as I said I have mixed feelings. But I’ve got mixed feelings about much of the trip. At 6:30am PST on Tuesday I woke up to an empty house. I knew most of my teammates had left early, but it was odd nonetheless. We had just had what was really a pretty cool week. Just hours before the house had been alive with people and food and beer. We shared stories of the race, stories of home. It was a great afternoon/evening which had that “final bonfire of summer camp” feeling. In a short time you shared quite a bit and suffered together in the race, and then you went your separate ways. I can’t remember the last time I shed just a bit of my conservative demeanor , but there I was cap to the side (tag still on!), pants ½ off my skinny butt, and a 40 of Olde English in a brown paper bag. Now it’s back home and back to the “real me.”

On Tuesday I had a final breakfast at a local Coeur D’Alene diner named “Franklins.” We had gone the day before and I had the “Philly Cheese Steak Omelette.” It was pleasant then. Today not so much. Coeur D’Alene was quiet now, the carnival known as Ironman having packed up and moved on to the next town. A few locals had emerged and positioned themselves in their favorite spots. I had the same waitress as the previous day. She was perfectly pleasant to me. But then I heard her conversing in the next room. The discussion began with the waitress and a regular saying they were glad the athletes were gone (the place was empty so I didn’t have to try to hear every word). “Did you see them?” “Why would they do that (Ironman)?” “It’s stupid.” “And they think they’re better than everyone.” “They’re assholes.” “Yeah, they’re a bunch of geeks who think they’re better than everyone else.” (That's only some of the comments.) Well, I was glowing. Not just red. Glowing. They’re remarks weren’t intended for me to hear, but that didn’t much matter. I heard, and it offended and hurt me. And while they have a point, there are definitely assholes in the triathlon world, clearly we don’t have a monopoly on that category. When she brought me my check for breakfast she didn’t appear uncomfortable. She didn’t know I had heard. Now it would have been easy to pay and quietly walk away. After all I will never see them again. But I didn’t just walk away, however I didn’t cause a scene either. After all, wouldn’t that just validate their opinions? Instead I walked up with my check and said, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m truly grateful for your hospitality. I’ve been here twice now and have enjoyed my meals. I also wanted to let you know that I’m a middle-aged father of 2, I work at a bank, and I don’t think I’m better than anyone else.” “Oh,” she said. “I’m sorry you heard that.” She repeated that a couple of times. She looked a bit embarrassed. And then I walked out. Summer camp, or the mirage of it anyway, was truly over.

Off to Idaho

2011-06-22T06:37:00.003-04:00

I can't believe the day is almost here. As usual I stopped posting things and indeed took other measures in my training over two months ago to handle the anxiety I typical feel in the final build up. I'm prone to a constant over-analysis of my conditioning followed by the inevitable "Am I faster than 2yrs ago?" My big fear in taking 2yrs off from Ironman racing was getting into things again only to discover that in the interim my body had aged beyond the point where I could post a PR and maybe even crack 10hrs. As I sit here I have a strange feeling of calm where my fitness is concerned. I have a feeling I've never been better prepared. It's like I've got the raw strength I had in early June 2009, combined with the relaxed and confident "Watch me go!" attitude I had in 2008. And I'm a more complete athlete. While I may well post the usual 1:06 on the swim, it won't be because I'm a slower swimmer. I know I'm faster, or maybe more durable is a better way to put it. My swim has joined my bike and run in that "I don't really slow down" category, unless of course I'm trying to hold Doug's or Diane's feet and then I pop! Even then I am finally able to settle myself, relax and recover while continuing to move. That bodes a little better for what I hope is a reasonably clean start (knock on wood!).

I've also managed to avoid illness since the winter of 2010. As much as anything this is a reflection of the reduction of stress in my life, both at home and at work. During the build up in 2009 I was sick a lot. As a result I've been training without unplanned interruption since the winter of 2010. Volume still has never been huge, but for those of you who think it's all about the volume, I'm here to demonstrate that consistency and restoration are greater...with a little bit of fun thrown in! The Mayflower sprint and Pumpkinman 1/2 that I did last year were hands down the most fun I've had racing in a long time. It felt like the "old days". I saw my friends. We talked some trash. And I ran all but one of them down and took home hardware at both! ;)

Of course none of this would be possible without the support of a great number of people, but special mention goes to two. The first is my boss Katie, who for some reason puts up with a prima donna has-been athlete on a daily basis. The funny thing is she didn't even hire me! Had I stayed with the person who had, this story would likely have a different tone. And of course there is my number one supporter Leanna, who puts up with me 24x7! I absolutely mean it when I say there is no "me" without her.

Where's Tim you say? Oh, he's there. That aspect of the training was a bit different this year. Rather than one-on-one we worked with what QT2 calls the "Mission Plan." It's a very detailed plan put together and customized for me, but at the end of the day it's the athlete driving the success or failure of the training, not the coach. It was a good fit for me because at 45 it was time to take what I've learned and put my big boy pants on.

So in a few hours I set off on the journey to Idaho. The travel will take a while and I've still got some packing to do, but when this day ends I'll be in Coeur D'Alene. My thoughts go out to everyone who helped me get there.

(And to Alexandra and Dylan: I love the two of you so very very much. Daddy plans to swim, bike, and run fast so I can get home to you sooner!)

45

2011-04-02T16:33:00.011-04:00

It's April. Where the hell did March go anyway? Let's see, work, vacation, the Alexandra 7th birthday week long Fiesta, Gangsta Coyotes, more work, training on and off, Alexandra's first asthma incident in a year, and hmm...anything else? Oh yes, I'm old. 45 to be exact. I turned 45 a week and a 1/2 ago. 4 days later I ran a 10k. I felt heavy and old. My mind was convinced I was done; the best days were truly behind me. Too many distractions, too much to overcome to keep the train moving. I had finally found the limit of what I could handle. And then a few hundred yards from the finish I saw the clock reading a time better than it ever had at this race, and in an instant I felt transformed. I buried it, set a new PR on this course by 10 sec, of course hurled about three times (I'm sure many of you would have been disappointed had I not!) and was once again an athlete on track to do something I had never done before, break 10hrs for Ironman.

I ran the race w/o a watch. I carried my Garmin in the back of my shirt so I could get data later, but I ran blind and just went with it. We've got sooo much technology weighing us down. The constant, incessant feedback all these training gadgets provide can be overwhelming and at times demoralizing. So I decided to go old school as much to heal my brain as test my form. Athletics is about a body versus a course measured by a clock. That's it. There are peaks and valleys throughout the event. That's the natural course of things. Running blind allowed my instinctual behavior to guide me through those peaks and valleys. With the constant feedback provided by the GPS watch, I find I'm more likely to fret about drops in pace throughout the race. That doesn't help the head and as a result it's harder to rally at the end. This time around I focused on dosing effort on the course, one of the finest 10k courses anywhere if you ask me, and on my fellow runners. I felt the invisible push, that bubble of force they create when they are right behind me, and I felt the invisible pull of that imaginary elastic band when I was behind them. These forces kept me honest. Like running on a treadmill, the pace couldn't really slack off because the bubble would push or the band would pull.

So going old school has become my focus. In part it's because while I realize just how little I truly understood when I was young, I also realize that doesn't mean I did it all wrong. I was pretty good at some things, I just didn't know why. Like riding my bike, there was a time when I was pretty good. I've been on a bit of a decline for a while now, partly because I'm older, partly because I second guessed everything I had ever done, and partly because I just wasn't enjoying it anymore. So now I'm old schooling my training. Back in the day I never averaged much more than 18mph on any ride. Okay, I loved BIG hills so it was hard to hold too much pace, but even when I wasn't climbing the number was 18 when I trained alone. And then somehow, on race day, the number was always much bigger than that. The last few years I've been stuck in the mindset that if I didn't average north of 20 on any given ride it was a disappointment. And the "pressure" to achieve that, to make every single ride faster than the last, made it all start to suck. This year I'm back to the old mind set. I've even reset my position on the bike to feel a bit more road, and a bit less triathlon. And you know, as I rolled out today, it felt gooooood. It was amazing in fact. The sensations were the same as they were decades ago. I felt part of the bike, not a rider on the bike. I may just have to break out the Oakley Eyeshades (yes I still have them!).

All right so I'm rambling a bit, but so be it. It's been more than a month since I've written anything and stream of consciousness is what I've got right now. Coeur D'Alene is now less than 3 months away and the final push has begun. I'm trying to do something I've never done, go under 10 hours. But the story here, at 45, I've finally realized this effort isn't about doing everything in a manner different than I've ever done. It's about pulling everything I am and everything I've learned over the years together and delivering them in one magnificent athletic expression.

One more week in the books

2011-02-27T14:54:00.003-05:00

This was a tough week. On paper it didn't look that bad, but I never really had it going. Could have been a lot of things, e.g. residual fatigue from the miles in the cold and wind, but the bottom line is ... it doesn't matter. I did all my work and feel pretty spent. During the run today I just wanted to stop. I felt tired, like "I want to step off the road and go to sleep" tired. But I didn't. Same thing on all the bike rides this week. I averaged ~5% slower across the board. But then I realized something pretty remarkable, it was okay. Yes I want to improve, but no I'm not going to get all neurotic about it. There is time, and there are ALWAYS weeks like this. Every athlete has them. Not every workout can be a PR. In fact in part I'm writing this in the hope that another athlete somewhere, who is perhaps having a rough go of it, can relax a little and know that a bad week doesn't mean the end of things. All it really means is it is time to refocus and pay extra attention to recovery. And in my case I'm actually seeing some opportunity. Tomorrow I have another couple of hours, run day after long ride day, and I know I will be tapped out. Historically it has always been my toughest day, and historically despite struggling mightily at times, I tend to make it through the run even begin to "refind" myself in the final 30min. I think more than anything else these two days each week build my durability, and Ironman is a test of durability, not speed. Case in point, as slow as my run felt today, I averaged a faster pace than I expect to run in Coeur D'Alene.

Ahh, Coeur D'Alene. Leanna and I were at dinner last night and she asked my about the plans after Coeur D'Alene, and more specifically what I was thinking about Hawaii. Well, here it is. Kona is not in the plans. All of my eggs are in the Ironman CDA basket. It is the theme for this effort (there's always one you know and they always make themselves known!). The goal is to go under 10hrs, plain and simple. Much like the first time I went under 3hrs in the marathon, this time out I'm setting a goal time, training towards it, and will do my best to execute towards it...no excuses. And if I come up short? Well, we'll worry about that on June 27.

This was not an easy decision, but I actually made it a while ago and I'm quite fine with it. Yes I've held this dream since I was much, much younger but in the end my dreams for my family and kids outweigh this one. Madame Pele and I may well never meet, but that's not the end of the world. Much like when I made the "honor roll" in high school cross-country, if I go under 10hrs in Idaho, I'll be able to walk away from Ironman racing satisfied... (I think!)

No guarantees

2011-02-21T15:15:00.007-05:00

The worst part about not writing for a while is knowing where to start. At times like this I find it easiest to start in the present and work backwards. It's school vacation week, which means extra time with the kids, and perhaps too much time to think about where I stand with things after 12 weeks of training. Yesterday I got to the track and put in a set of mile repeats. This was my first such test since December 26, thanks to our less than cooperative winter. And it almost didn't happen.

I hate running miles. I love running miles. I hate running miles. I love running miles. Miles hurt, maybe more than any workout I do. They make me tense. The effort always results in a few gray hairs. I fear them because of all the places where the inevitable age induced slow down could occur, no doubt it will first surface in the mile. The mile run is very much like the 2000m row. It's no sprint. You must dose effort and be smart. But you must also be on the edge the whole time. If you are comfortable, you are not going hard enough. In December my mile set was the slowest I've produced in a long time, but I had excuses then. Yesterday there was no such quarter. Yeah it was windy, but I was trained and reasonably well rest, especially compared to the day after Christmas in CT.

Despite being tight and wearing way more clothing than I'd like for a track workout, I launched into the effort. I planned to "cruise" the 1st mile, get a feel for the track and the wind (this track is very exposed). This first mile would be the benchmark for the day. At the end of the 4th lap I looked down and saw that I had clocked a 5:53, well off 2009 but better than anything I had done in December. Effort 2 resulted in a second :53. While it was work, the wheels didn't fall off so now I was feeling a little better about things. I was definitely feel the strain, though, and my face was numb. Yet for the 3rd I felt I needed to get a little more "into it," so I dumped the warm-up jacket I had worn for 1 and 2, and ran #3 in much more aerodynamic attire. Who said aerodynamics don't matter running?! Repeat #3, 5:46. That one was a surprise and a very welcome one at that. For the first time in ~2yrs I had broken 5:50 on a track. I've done it on the road on plenty of occasions, but not the track. It's a mental thing and a hurdle I needed to clear. I also had my splits headed in the right direction late in a workout. Relief. The final repeat was done on the road because I was cold and to hit my designated total workout time (and a bathroom sooner as opposed to later!) I needed to turn for home. I actually didn't get a precise split for #4, but am reasonably certain I was in the low 5:40s.

Training, racing, hell life...there are no guarantees. We all know this yet we all look for them anyway. I want to know for certain that I'm going to be able to do what I've never done in my life; break 10hrs for Ironman. I want to know that I'm not just kidding myself. I want to know that I'm not just wasting my and my family's time in pursuit of some fantasy. Indeed the cynic would wonder what right I have to expect that this is even remotely possible, given that I've never done it. I'm not a newbie athlete who is just beginning to discover themselves. I've been an athlete for a long time, and pretty much know who I am. I'm not overly fast, I just try to not be slow. And I'm not getting any faster. If anything, yesterday reminded me that despite being my strength, my run is not "elite." I'm not shaving 14min off my best time just by running better. And I am getting older. I'm not old, but facts are facts. A training race would be nice, but only for the mental break. I can already tell you what the results will say. Speedwise I'm in the ballpark of where I've always been, maybe a little worse, likely not any better. Any new records will be a matter of improved execution across all areas of the race, not just one. And there are no guarantees.

So many people fear believing in things they can't see. If there is not conclusive evidence as to the existence of something, it cannot possibly be. Just play it safe. Trust what you know. Fear the unknown. It's such a limiting existence. At least you can take comfort in knowing more or less how things will turn out. But I need more. I need to show my children that sometimes the unexpected can happen. So I continue to put in my hours, to lose the sleep, to feel the burning in my muscles. And I'll continue to see performance numbers that indicate that on any given day I'm really no better than I've ever been, all in the hope that on one very specific day all the numbers will converge in a pattern they've never before created, the sum of which is less than 10. I understand quite well I may fail. I understand it might never get there. I'd love assurances. And yet for now I continue not because of guarantees, but because I know no other way.

And I didn't miss any workouts and everything's great...

2011-01-29T08:07:00.007-05:00

...and if you believe that!

It's week 10 and I'd love everyone, especially the coach, to think it's all rosy and we're all systems go to Ironman Coeur D'Alene, a PR, and a trip to Kona. But that's fiction. Yes it is all systems go (so far) for IM CDA, but that's about all we know. The past few weeks have been rough. I've gotten little road running in, something about that white stuff, but more than that has gone on. While I have successfully managed another SAD episode, I did end up getting sick and generally ready to sell all my gear and join the donut eating set.

It's during this (very regular, very predictable) episode of despair and self-loathing that something kicks in. I disgust myself to such a degree that I decide to kick my own a--. But this time it's not about working out more and harder. Part of kicking my a-- is forcing myself to realize that, yes, I'm about to miss a few key workouts while I shut it down and get rid of the cold. It doesn't really help that manic part of me, but it helps prepare me for what comes next. Likewise I refocus on my nutrition. See a theme here? It's not so much the exercise that pulls me out of these periods. It's the restoration. Once the energy levels begin returning then I ~~crush it like a fiend~~ resume activities as prescribed and just let what is gone be gone. It's just the best long term plan. Do I think the missed training volume could cost me in June? Maybe, but maybe not. I do confess I am most distraught over missing my mile repeat test. I know I'd be much better than I was at the end of December and frankly seeing that difference works wonders for the mind. Instead I need to try and be okay with simply knowing I am better. (Or am I?)

All this work and anxiety and depression may make it sound like I'm not enjoying the training. In truth at times I am not. But those times are fewer than in other years and they are really an indicator that I'm not doing it correctly anyway. Usually it means I'm pushing too hard too early. By backing off the throttle a bit it feels like much of the "burden" of training is lifted and I can, say, just hang out on my bike for a while. I don't need to obsess about whether or not I'm putting up better watts per heart beat than I did last session.

Oh, and adding to the "fun" was my I'm on the team, I'm not on the team, I'm on the team drama (self-inflicted). Well I'm on the team, albeit in a different capacity than before. Doesn't change a single thing about me as an athlete. It just changes the page on which my name appears on the website, and oh yes, you don't get to see my smiling face! Never fear, I'll post some pictures in case you find yourself longing for my lycra clad body!

This week marks the transition to "build" activities as opposed to "base" training. I have always liked build more. There is more variety. You do learn during the build whether or not you have a proper base, because if you don't you break down pretty quickly, and if that happens...it's back onto the emotional ledge!

(So far so good, including the best paced 800TT I've ever swum.)

5 more months

2011-01-17T07:35:00.009-05:00

I'm in an in-between time where race day seems pretty far away and right around the corner all at the same time. Every time the workout ends up in the cellar, well, the summer seems far off. Hey, it's only mid-January after all. Most years I'm just getting started. I'm just doing adaptation workouts to get ready to train for real. However this year I'm almost to the "build phase" of training, which is when the real effort starts. Wow, building already. There's not much time left. Am I really ready? Will I be ready?

I've had some real doubts about my ability to get it done. It's pretty hard to imagine being significantly faster at 45 than I have ever been in my life. When taken event by event I am not faster. I've run faster; there was a time when I could run miles under 5:00min. I've ridden faster; there was a time when I could average more than 26 mph for a 10mile time trial. The one exception may be my swim which is marginally improved. So I need to focus on the following truthes: it's not about running sub 5min miles, it's about running 7:40/mile for over 3 hours after riding 112. It's not about riding 26mph for 23 minutes, but rather 21mph for over 5 hours. And while there is some hope in the fact that the race is not about how fast you can go, but rather how long you can go, I still have doubts. It's just difficult to wrap your head around the effort when it's 18 degrees out and you're riding in the cellar wishing you were riding anywhere but there!

And then there's the cost, though this really falls under a different heading. This is an expensive venture no matter how you slice it, expensive enough that at some point you have to seriously reconsider the "value" of a personal quest. I have one last thing to prove to myself, so it's still full throttle ahead, but this time around, win, lose, or draw, it'll be time to reconsider the future. I can't see myself leaving the sport, but to be honest I do not really like the direction. At the forefront is the M-Dot thing. In so many ways they set the tone that this is an activity for the privileged: if you've got the money you can buy a spot in a race! There's the equipment: "entry level" bikes now cost $2K. The upper limit is well...mostly undefined. Take a $5k bike add electronic shifting, an SRM power meter, some top end wheels and before you you know it your bicycle costs more than a car, a NEW car. And then there is the training: monthly personal training plans frequently cost more than monthly car payments. I do see the value in it for many people, especially beyond the value of high end carbon fiber toys. I question the ongoing value for me. I've got two young children who one day will no longer be young and will (hopefully) want to go to college. Top colleges already cost $60k+ per year in tuition. What will that be in 11 years when Alexandra wants to go? When we decided to become parents that was a statement that we were prepared to no longer have things be all about us. The kids and their future are the primary concern. The amount of money going into this Coeur D'Alene adventure alone would make a nice 529 plan contribution.

Which brings me around to my doubts. I'm beginning to think that there is more than a little element of guilt in here. I've committed to seeing this through, as planned, for the next 5 months but then maybe it is time to move forwards. Athletics is part of my legacy so I expect to stay involved, but in a somewhat different manner. I think M-Dot branded racing is done. After all I could probably prepay Pumpkinman, a wonderful independently run race in Maine, for the next 5 years for what this trip to Idaho will cost. And you know, I suspect the kids won't care if we race only local and shorter events. They may well prefer it, after all we could do more. That's more medals and trophies for Daddy to give them! I'm probably done getting coached as well. It is a means to an end, so once I've ended... Maybe I'll finally "retire" to that dream job as a Bill Bowerman-esque track/x-country coach. Or maybe I'll focus on community family fitness. I've long considered the possibilities presented by the very nice track and field facility we have here in Middletown. Or maybe I'll finally buy that open water single and simply return to rowing.

Muddling

2011-01-15T13:45:00.006-05:00

It's been a struggle the last 2 weeks or so. Happens within a few weeks of this date every year, and in fact I've written about it previously. Fortunately good hard workouts help. They don't fix everything, only spring seems to do that, but they help. I got outside today. Cold, but sunny and calm so it wasn't too tough to warm-up and get moving. Finished the day with a much better time than I expected, which in turn proved that the negative thoughts have little to do with reality. Having the hard numbers really helps.

I've also spent some time chatting with my Dad the last couple of weeks. In fact I owe him an email this weekend. I decided if I can't be in Pittsburgh to talk about nothing with him, I'd write him from Rhode Island and "challenge" him with bigger topics. We discussed the nature of God and the theological understanding of God vs. what many churches still promote. It's actually astonishing to me that such a separation exists. Turns out I fall into the theologian camp more than I ever thought possible. Yes stunned even me! After all I'm the kid who hung the "WARNING: Theology Area" sign on my Dad's home office! Now this discourse doesn't mean I'm running down to the nearest church and signing up, but he has given me some things to think about.

The hardest thing to overcome is the feeling of isolation. Well in the past week I had to make a decision based on my "thinking" brain, to the objection of my "emotional" brain. It was the right decision, but frankly did not help the perception of isolation. The emotional brain really does not like losing! I elected to not be part of the QT2 Team this year, though I am still being coached by them. It really changes nothing, though maybe the clothing...we need to work that part out, but it feels like things are different. As rowers we all did ridiculous workouts in miserable, dare I say medieval, conditions at times and thrived because we did them together. Even if you were off your game, chances are someone was still holding it together and they'd help you through. That's what teammates do. So emotionally I feel like I'm cutting myself off from my teammates, turning my back on them. The reality is not quite like that, but again the emotional brain doesn't listen too well to the thinking brain.

**Update**
We went skiing today. It could have been a total disaster (okay maybe it was somewhat of a train wreck), but amazingly I kept my patience. Being out in the sun definitely helps. I have a few hours of trainer riding ahead of me and am dreading decending into the cellar, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'd like to think things are heading north again and maybe they are, or maybe it'll just last as long as the sunshine. Either way I plan on enjoying the moment.

1 down

2010-12-26T15:18:00.003-05:00

My first training block is complete (minus an hour sitting on my bike). There was a lot to like as well as the cruel reality that there is a lot of hard work ahead. My bike legs came around well and seem to be picking up strength every week. Because of my off-season swim focus, my swim is passable, in fact much better than usual. My run needs work. My slower effort paces seem to be coming around, but wow I've got a ways to go to find my A game. Today was 4x 1 mile repeats. I knew when I saw it on the plan that this would be a rough day. The christmas marathon of family, food and gifts is a big deal for my clan. Following a suggestion from Jesse, I tracked my trailing 3 day average of sleep going into this workout, and basically saw what I expected. I need sleep. Averaged 5.5 hours a day. Must do better. Must.

I ran the miles on the Shelton Highschool track, and the workout was everything I thought it would be: painful and slowish. It was windy on the back stretch, very cold, and snowy. 23 months ago I did a similar workout, albeit on the road as opposed to the track...track is hard on the brain, and put the miles under 5:50 with a fast of 5:44. 2 months later that was six repeats below 5:50. Today I did not break 5:50 once. 5:54, 5:57, 5:57, 6:00. True I was running on less rest between repeats this time (~1:40 vs 3:00+), and I was really tired, but if I'm honest I think I am slower. I weigh about 4-6lbs more than during those previous efforts. The weight is helping recovery, but the foot speed is suffering. My heart didn't really get tested today. It was the legs not turning over, the arms aching, the head rolling around. HR averaged around threshold, which is well below what I'll average on a higher quality effort.

The fact that I've had concerns about this workout could lead one (including me) to believe it was in my head. I was beaten before I began. This is somewhat true. However if I lost that first battle I won the war of wills today. I thought I'd quit after the second repeat. I finished it. Bent over. Hurled. Caught my breath. Saw my heart rate had already recovered completely. Hardened up and cranked out #3. I knew if I got through the third one I could get myself through the last. And while a 6:00 mile on the last repeat is nothing special, I was 6 seconds behind that pace w/400m to go. It took a 1:24 final 400 (5:36/mile pace) to hit that 6:00. The eyes were closed, the legs were burning, and the head was lolling backwards...but I did it.

The Brooks/Hanson running team trains using the philosophy that you aren't training for the first 16miles of the marathon during that 16mile run on tired legs, you are training for the last 16. Well today I felt like I was training for the finish of races. My finishing kick is probably my favorite part of my race. Today's workout reminded me I can still kick. I have 26 weeks to speed up the earlier miles of my race.

More week 3

2010-12-19T13:28:00.011-05:00

Okay week 3 is really in the books this time. I'll tell you about it, but I'm worried about jinxing myself. After a moment last week when my legs felt tapped, which I can pretty much say with 100% confidence was due to inadequate recovery (stress, nutrition, sleep), I've been extra diligent...and it showed. My legs were OUTSTANDING today. It was my longest ride of the block, coupled with a run, and I just crushed it. The power climbed steadily throughout the ride, and I felt really smooth on the run. And all this came after a very encouraging swim yesterday where I strung together a few 500s (actually 500,600,500 because I can't count!) with only a 9sec variance between the 500s. I've never been that consistent in the water.

So I'm relaxing about things. Hell it's not even December 20th! I feel like my form is as good, if not better than, Pumpkinman. Maybe I'm slower from the extra weight, but something's going right, and actually I've got a theory about that. The big difference this time around is my head. I'm focused. I like my job. The kids are older and sort of get it. At least they get that I have to do something and more or less let me park them in front of a Scooby Doo DVD and/or art supplies while I ride. In return I try to make sure eveything is done and I'm refueled by 10:00am. Longer workout, earlier start. But the single biggest thing is the realizing just how difficult training got the last time around. Leanna was ill. Every workout was something I just needed to get done and out of the way. There wasn't much enjoyment. Today when I came up the stairs and saw the kids sitting in the family room and Leanna downloading pictures in the living room, I knew that I could do this. It was quiet. Normal. We can all do this...together. We are a team, even if I'm the one training my body. And the team is strong.

Speaking of the team, we had a couple of other "team events" this weekend. Friday night Alexandra took part in her gymnastics exhibition, and Saturday morning Dylan tested for and received his yellow belt in karate. Sure he's 4 so he's not some full contact martial arts terror. But he is learning. His skill level is beyond that of the new "little dragons" and most of all he likes it. He likes it to the point he actually enjoys the occasional practice session with me at home. And he even surprised his instructor, Sensei Jesse, by knowing the difference between a front punch and a thrust punch.

Today the team did a nature hike around Sachuest Point. I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've all done the loop and I didn't end up carrying someone the last 1/2 mile or so. We saw plenty of wildlife. A red-tailed hawk passed about 15ft over our heads. And of course there was another coyote on my run this morning. "Nice doggy...Nice doggy..."

IMCDA Training week 3

2010-12-17T22:29:00.006-05:00

Technically week 3 isn't over yet. But the "theme" is beginning to make itself known. As the training hours tip towards the double digits again, for the first time I woke up with my legs feeling tapped out. Okay I woke up at 4:15am, but nonetheless I felt a bit tapped out. I had an outstanding run Thursday, my paces validating what I sensed about my run; it was coming back. But add in some work and holiday stress, take out some sleep, and the restoration just didn't happen on schedule. I still got through the ride today in good shape, though at lower average power, but it seems unlikely I will be running on consecutive days this weekend. Fatigue begets bad form, and bad form begets injury. Job #1 is to avoid injury. To replace the missed run time, I'll be logging a little more pool and bike time. No big deal. As I've said before, it's not even x-mas; don't be stupid.

In other news I got a care package from De Soto sport today. 3 pair of shorts, repaired free of charge. Now THAT is customer service. I really needed those reinforcements, so the timing is perfect. Merry X-Mas!!

Finally, if you weren't in the holiday spirit yet, have a look. How can you not feel the magic?!

And if you're interested in reading something not triathlon related? Try this one!

What do non-rowers talk about at a party?

2010-12-17T20:52:00.005-05:00

I have no idea. :)

Earlier this week I got an intriguing request all the way from New Zealand. The people at http://www.rowperfect.co.uk/ were interested to know if I would mind writing a little something for their site. "Well why the hell not! What do you want?" So this is where it got interesting. Among other things they were curious about a U.S. point of view concerning the recent shake up at USRowing. "Uh...shake up?" I felt compelled to reiterate my disclaimer; I have not coached since 1999 and it's been even longer than that since I've competed. However, I decided I'd do a little research and see what I found.

It took only a moment to learn that the big shake up involved the removal of long time men's coach Kris Korzeniowski and the plans to relocate the men's Heavyweight program from lovely New Jersey to balmy California. Likewise the Lightweight men are being relocate to Oklahoma. So if I'm totally honest about my reaction, it was as follows: Kris Korzeniowski is still alive? KK was "the guy" when I was in college, in 1985! And while I can see a rowing base in California, especially if they want a "warm water port", Oklahoma? Seriously folks, I really don't care how great the facilities are, I would not put Oklahoma and rowing in the same sentence. Do they have water? Yeah screwing the lighweights again... I know they're not the money boats. And what of the women? They're going to hang in New Jersey. So now we're spread all over the country. I guess Team USA unity is not the focus. And don't get me started on the still non-existent support for rowers themselves. Basically if you do not row in an Olympic event, you need to be self-funded. That's not going to hurt the talent pool! But let's face it, if we can get a gold in the heavy men's 8, do we even need other boats?! (Just call'n like I see'm.)

I'll stop short of offering much more commentary related to the moves. I've been out of things long enough to know I need to learn more before offering too much opinion. What I can offer is just how quickly I was able to come up to speed, really a function of how little USRowing has changed in 25 years. Sure people right in the middle of things might think it's sooo different, but big picture, not so much. Rowing in the US is a boutique sport. A great one and one I love, but enjoyed by a fairly select few. Need more proof? As I started reviewing names of coaches, I started recognizing people I knew or coached against. Hell one current US coach stares at me every morning from the picture of my wife and her development camp 8 from 1992. Small world.

If the goal is to reinvent USRowing to bring home more hardware, maybe more than a change of coasts is needed. Maybe the appeal needs to be broadened. No I don't have the "how to" for that. Just asking the question. My uncle Walter, a former Syracuse oarsman, was very active in Canadian Rowing. I recall him mentioning disarray up north as well (eh!). How did that turn out? I don't know. Guess I'll call him and ask. Might make an interesting next article!

Cheers.

PS: Also saw that Three Rivers Rowing Association (my former boathouse while I was coaching at Pitt) from the great city of Pittsburgh (my home town), scored a second club of the year award? Begs the question, how many community oriented clubs are there?

IMCDA Training week 2

2010-12-12T13:33:00.004-05:00

Okay, I'm only two weeks in to a 30 week haul, so no reason to overanalyze things...but then again if we never overanalyzed things we'd be missing out on one of the great privileges of being human!

The theme for this week was "back off the ledge." The focus was on a very workman like, and hopefully intelligent, approach to the training. And this amazing thing happened: things started clicking. And the more they clicked the more relaxed I became. The numbers are not world beaters right now, but things really feel like they are moving in the proper direction. The extra weight I'm carrying is definitely helping my recovery between workouts. The one area where my volume is a little off right now is my running, mostly because of intermittent discomfort in my right ankle. However, I had a very encouraging run on Friday, enough so that I really don't think I'm behind at all. I have a test of mile repeats in two weeks, so we'll have a better idea then, but let's just say I'm confident.

And then there's my swimming. Yesterday I had this strange experience. I put in ~2000yds and you know where I felt it? In my legs. No I do not have an egg beater kick. Far from it, actually. My best guess is that I was kicking off the wall a little harder than usual. Also, my shoulders did not feel it at all. Middle back some, but not arms and shoulders. Oh, and I also lowered my golf PR to 63.

It's a strange experience, this being confident and relaxed. Only a week ago I was ready to quit. Now I'm feeling good. Heck, it's December 12. There's time. I'm starting to think my biggest challenge will be to pace myself so I don't plateau too soon.

As an aside, there is this growing movement to return to my rowing roots for the C.R.A.S.H.-B.'s. In QT2 fashion, people want to ride an indoor bike TT and do an erg race in the same day! I miss rowing, but not really erg racing. I was never great at it and it hurt like hell. That said I'm concerned I will have to go for it just because... And I'm pretty sure I won't be satisfied unless I'm back pulling in the 6:40s anyway. That's a lot of work in a discipline I haven't done seriouly since 1995. The good news: rowing crosses over really well to triathlon. After all that's how I got into the sport.

IMCDA Training week 1

2010-12-05T11:03:00.005-05:00

I just completed my last workout of the first week of training. Only 29 more weeks to go! Already a pattern is developing. You know how I said I think I'm going to set a new record for "I can't do this"? Well I may set that record by New Years! As promised this journal is not going to be all "this was awesome...so motivated...super excited!!!"

Yesterday was a very light day on the schedule. In fact the only real thing to do was get a baseline 400yd TT time in the pool, and a 20min easy recovery effort run later on. I was sort of excited to do the swim because I wanted to see that number I'd hit a couple of times the previous month: 5:30. Not because that number is very good, but because it's the best I've ever done in my life and represents a time 50sec faster than I've ever done at the beginning of Ironman training. Well long story short I only went 5:44. I'll not bore you with the reasons why, legitimate or not. Bottom line I came up short...and I ended up with a King Kong sized hair across my ass for the rest of the day because of it. In fact I passed on the run, but not because I'm lazy. In the back of my head I knew I'd run it waaaay too hard because I was in such a pissy mood. I lost count of all the "F--- I'm never going to improve. I'm kidding myself if I think I can break 10hrs" that passed through my head yesterday. Forget that I still posted my best time ever for the beginning of training. Forget that 10hrs is really going to be a function of hacking time off my bike, not squeaking time off of my swim. No, none of that mattered. I wasn't even sure I wanted to keep training. All kinds of crazy ideas went through my head. But somewhere in all that mental chaos, a little common sense kicked in. Forget training for the rest of the day. Get the X-mas tree. Decorate the house with the family. Knock back a drink or two. Watch a bad movie.

Today I was back, but on my bike trainer for 2 hours...and I crushed it. Not from a total power standpoint, but rather from the standpoint of power given my prescribed heart zone (15watts better than I had been posting all week). And the legs felt great. So yes, I'm not quitting. I'm really lucky Leanna gets me with regards to this. I'm positive I was testing her patience yesterday, and probably early today. She knows it's all part of the process: doubt, despair, and then HTFU you pansy. I'd like to say there won't be any more of these, but the truth is there are likely to be plenty. As long as they all end with a power jump on my bike...I guess I can deal!

Have a good weekend.

6yr old theology

2010-12-02T20:35:00.003-05:00

About a month ago Alexandra started asking about God. Then the other night Alexandra hits me with "what is 'Hell'?" Well, most parents I suspect would short this answer, but I know my daughter and she won't take the brush off, so I, despite some personal discomfort, decided to go back to my roots.

I am the son of a Presbyterian Minister and retired Professor of Theology, in fact the "James Henry Snowden Professor Emeritus of Systematic Theology" at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (*note: as a kid I always thought my dad was saying he worked at a cemetery!*) I've grown up around theologians, so when I get lobbed a "what is Hell" question, well let's just say we could teach a course on this one. So out comes the "Children's Bible." I explained to Alexandra "if we're going to do this, we're doing it right and we're starting where all stories start, at the beginning. But be warned," I said, "these are not stories like Dr. Seuss stories. There is good. There is evil. Most of all, people in the world have very strong feelings about these stories. They argue over their meaning. They go to war for them. They die for them." Pretty heavy stuff for a first grader, but she took it pretty well. That said we're definitely going to pace this a bit.

Last night we read about Creation. Gee, nothing controversial there! I did overlay some of my beliefs, but explained them as such. I explained that not everyone thinks of this the same way I do, and as you get older and learn more you can make your own choices too. At the end of the night I explained that in my opinion, the arguing about the historical accuracy of these stories, e.g. did Creation really only take 6 days as we know days, really misses the point. The message in the stories is the important part, especially as we move into those later stories. Be a good person. Don't try to hurt people. Forgive others. Don't be a d-bag (okay I didn't tell her that one!).

And then, as only a child can do, she stared at me and said, "Okay Dad, but who created God?"

Outstanding!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-29T07:04:00.009-05:00

Another trip to Pittsburgh is in the books. I'd be happy to not drive the van for a while! It's about 9 1/2 hours each way. Oh, and the kids don't sleep while driving anymore. You never know how much you appreciated those 2 1/2 hr breaks until they're gone! We stayed with my brother's family and as usual the main focus was my kids interacting with their cousins Corey, Justin, and Michael. Well that and the driving. And a week w/o Scooby Doo (except on the DVD player in the van). The drive down was the worst. We weren't in "travel mode" yet, so the first 3 hours took forever.

Corey's a certified teenager now. He's on a swim team. He's got a girl friend. He texts a lot. Despite that he and Alexandra still have a special bond. For those who don't know, Corey was the young man who crossed the line with me at my first Ironman in 2003. That event in many ways was the catalyst for the adventure which would end with Alexandra. It is fitting that they would bond to one another. Additionally their birthdays are only 3 days apart.

The other boys are growing up as well. While they were always individuals, their differences in interests seemed more apparent than ever. They're establishing themselves as individuals and in doing so seemed to fight less about certain things because I guess they weren't trying to "occupy the same space." That's how it was for me with my brother. Once I went off in my own direction I felt much more comfortable with things. The discomfort, as Leanna can attest, comes storming back whenever there is overlap. We fall into old patterns of behavior so easily, even if we're not really those people anymore. Or maybe it's just me.

This trip was also ~~marred~~ marked with a unanimous "it's too bad we only see you once a year" from my family. While it's nice to be missed, there's not too much I can do about it. I live 500miles away and have two small children.

Despite the cost, and the time, and the hassle, the trip still serves as a great bonding experience for the family. It was the Thanksgiving drive in 2007 that began the bonding between Alexandra and Dylan. The time in the hotel, while containing more than I few "Daddy can I press the elevator button?" "No I want to!" "I want to use the room key!", also served to bring us closer. No distractions, just 100% focus on each other. The kids ALWAYS seem more grown up when we get back than they were when we left. Oh god yes I need a break from it now, but like training it will have longer term benefits. We made memories.

So another Thanksgiving trip is in the books. Like finishing Ironman we're in the throws of "I'm never doing that again!" We'll see about that in 11 months. Maybe next year will be the year we start spending holidays in our own house. However, no time to think about that now. We've got Christmas barreling down on us! Zoiks!

Training like a grown-up

2010-11-28T20:49:00.005-05:00

I have a life...sort of...okay not so much. I do have a family and I support that family and they in turn support me. I am also training for Ironman Coeur D'Alene 2011. Type 'A' Ironman triathletes, which of course is redundant, have been known to abandon family and/or work in the pursuit of a qualifying slot for Kona or perhaps a PR. I include myself in that group. Now I'm not so naive as to say I'm not going to backburner more than a few things in the name of following my training plan, but I am determined to handle things in a more straight forward, and thus less stressful manner. And if there is less stress, long hours should suck less!

I'm not going to go back over my race goals. If you haven't read them 'click here.' Instead, here's a list of simple truths about how training will be conducted. Some of these statements might make Tim cringe, but oh well. That's what he gets for crap'n in front of me!

1) Rest is as or more important than exercise. Working out when overtired results in poor form. Poor form results in injury. Injury results in missed workouts. At almost 45 yrs of age, I can't afford setbacks.
2) If a workout is missed, it's gone. There are no makeups. *Note: this does not mean I can't rework the plan in advance to keep the progression/recovery intact.* I instituted this policy back in my rowing days, and while it seems extreme at times, in the end things have always worked out better. When you try to juggle things in an effort to make up for missed time, you invariably 'F' up the progression and cannibalize recovery time. (see point 1) Miss too many key workouts, and frankly someone is telling you there are bigger issues than missed workouts if you know what I mean.
3) The plan is important, but that doesn't mean I won't add some "creativity" in order to keep from going insane. This is my third trip through the protocol. I understand the progressions and what we're trying to accomplish during each phase. I also know myself and my needs. If the ankle aches, no questions asked the runs move to trails or water. I may split up long rides between the Kurt Kinetic, the rollers, and/or the road, or get creative with intervals. Here's one: try riding a section of your Z1 ride as a butt load (3 x 20 w/5min between @bottom Z1) of 45sec top of zone, 15sec ZR for an average of mid Z1. Time flies and you can use the 15sec to get the blood back in your junk!

Goals, even important meaningful goals, are frequently devices which we contrive to put pressure on ourselves, pressure intended to make us perform at a higher level. However, in setting goals we frequently don't list the opportunity cost of those goals, namely sacrificed friends, family, health, etc... It's easy to say, "yeah we have to make sacrifices," and we do. But how many people list the specifics of what they are willing to sacrifice? 6 hour continuous bike ride and not skating with the kids? Too costly for me. How about 4 on the bike, some skating maybe lunch, and then another 2 hrs later on when they are otherwise occupied? Maybe the T-run is in the pool at the athletic club so the kids can swim?

There's more than one route to any destination. There may be costs, but there might actually be gains as well. A mentally relaxed athlete is waaaaaay more powerful than a stressed athlete. Stress kills. How many people crush 'B' races and step on their cranks at 'A' races? Lots. Getting my body ready is important, but I've got to get my head there as well, and the best way for me to do that is to keep living the rest of my life while I train.

Long weekend

2010-11-14T08:54:00.003-05:00

Stop laughing Leanna. It wasn't long because I had the kids...okay maybe a little! It's been a while since I had an extended break from work, if you think 4 days is extended! The Blackberry has remained sheathed and despite being on my laptop I have not checked work email. I know I have things due but not only will I be able to get them done Monday, worst case they will be a little late. It's real work to no obsess on ALWAYS having everything done at work and getting upset when it is not. The reality is that obsession often keeps me from getting things done at home, with the kids, etc... “Me first” is the new motto. Yes, yes I'm sure you think that was the old motto as well! Well triathletes, especially us long distance sorts, are known for being fairly self-absorbed. It's not because we're bad people. It's because there is so much to keep in order, so much to do to prepare, that frankly it can be very overwhelming. Ahh, overwhelming...I'm pretty sure I'm going to set a new record for "I can't do this I'm going to quit" during the Coeur D'Alene training. I had at least three or four of those moments before Lake Placid in 2009. Well here we haven't even started formal training (2 wks) and I've already had one. I think it really revolves around the fact that somehow I need to recreate space for training time. I've kept a decent routine going in terms of repetitions, but the durations have been much shorter. That does not mean, however, that I've just had all this free time sitting around. Rather other things have filled that time, notably work and sleep! Well I need to keep the sleep so guess what's getting "deprioritized!" I also get overwhelmed by the cost of this. I was listing out the expenditures for Coeur d’Alene and it's really pretty daunting. Yeah we can do it, I mean Dylan doesn't really need to go to school does he? **Note: If any of my teammates going to Coeur d’Alene need a roommate, drop me a line. The family's not making the trip.**

After 44 years, though, this creating stress and then forcing myself through it seems to be part of the process. Which each have our thing and I guess this one is mine. It's hard to imagine a build up with stress the level of 2009. That was real stress and anxiety. I have this saying, "if you can throw money at a problem and make it go away then it's not really much of a problem now is it." It's a statement about relative importance of things. When people are ill, money doesn't fix it, and that's a real problem. The fact that airlines now f--- you to fly a bike, well it's an annoying pain in the a--, but not really a problem on par with what we've been through in this house. (By the way, I'm planning on using Tribike Transport unless someone has a better thought.)

Here are my some starting numbers in the three disciplines along with the same numbers from the beginning of training in 2009. You'll see that across the board the numbers are better. I think this means the improvement curve will be flatter, but with the 30 weeks of training leading to Coeur D'Alene, I hope to end up at a level never before achieved, one which will bring me across the line in under 10hrs (fyi, it makes me anxious just typing that!).

Swim: 800yd (11:58), in 2009 13:10, Golf score 64, in 2009 69
Bike: 265watt 20min avg, 2009 250watt
Run: 7:18 mid Z1 pace, 2009 7:30 mid Z1

Other numbers:
Resting HR 46bpm. Functional (observed) Max 170bpm.
Weight 160lbs

By the way, my exciting weekend has included but is not limited to: A trip to the dentist, a 5 year old birthday party for Dylan's friend at an arcade, an anxious sister at the party, a son melting down because he wasn't allowed to throw the ski ball overhand, a full day of the worst (in terms of quality not taste) food I've had in my body in YEARS...still in sodium OD shock, benefit elections for 2011, garbage day, making the kids clean the toy room (it's a very "Egyptian Slave Driver build the damn pyramids" experience), one gymnastics class (with another meltdown, but apparently that's a very common experience there because all the little gymnasts are mini prima donnas), solo parent at a 4 kid play date (*Note, small animals make this a piece of cake, though I do think the kitten spent a few of those 9 lives already!), and 45minutes of running, 3200yds of swimming, and 45min on the trainer (so far). We crossed an important threshold, the kids behaving themselves and watching a show or playing while Dad rolled on the trainer.

Work and play

2010-11-11T07:42:00.003-05:00

I don't write about work much, if ever. I like the brainwork I do, but in general a job is a job. That whole career path thing is pretty much only relevant as it pertains to making sure I can provide for my family. Yes I've been asked why I don't change paths entirely and do something else. Well at this stage of the game it would be hard to start over and not take a big drop. However, one thing that I keep considering is combining the aspect of my work that I love with something that could benefit my fellow athletes and friends.

I work in business intelligence and specialize in developing different ways to present information in meaningful manners. One of my strengths is pattern recognition which is used in data mining. Data mining, simply put, is taking large sets of data and looking for patterns in things, possibly previously considered unrelated things, to find new meaningful measures. It's a technique used in a growing area of research termed theory-less research. It's meant to address the all to common practice of developing a theory and then making the data fit that theory rather than objectively determining whether or not your theory holds water. This approach, while a bit difficult at times (there are lots and lots of dead ends!), is intended to more accurately determine causal relationships by ignoring what we believe to be true, which can color the results, and working with only what is true about a given situation.

In the past it seemed that in order to tie work and my passion together meant having to do something coaching related. However after 7 years as a collegiate rowing coach I am pretty much done. That doesn't mean I don't want to help, I just don't really want to be the guy again, not until I "retire." At that point I'll take up my position as a Bill Bowerman-esque running coach, complete with fedora and stopwatch. (I also think coaches should start wearing suits at competitions again, but that's another story for another time!)

But I digress, again. The landscape of training and racing is far different today than in the past. There is sooo much data available. I've had on my personal drawing board a project to combine my data mining skills with this data availability and using some industry standard tools create something really cool in terms of training/racing analysis. I know there are lots of people doing things like this, training peaks comes to mind, but they are limited. They have their "measures" and then market these for everyone. In my world, many of the measures don't exist yet. Oh and there's this, I am really good at this. I trust we'd learn a lot. One area I'm interested in exploring further is the change over time as athletes move from their peaks to their "masters" years. Finding patterns which indicate likely modifications to training protocols would be intriguing. Why can I survive on lower volume than most? I don't subscribe to "genetics" being quite as important as people think. Yes there are differences but I think it's frequently used as an easy out, a cheat. The mapping of the human genome demonstrated one thing clearly, we're all really, really alike.

To date my biggest limiter has been time to do the project and a diverse set of data. Thanks to my Garmin I have lots of data about me. But to do this right I need more than me. Diversity is key. Maybe you're reading this and you have lots of data about you. Well, color me interested. If you'd share I promise to let you share in the the findings. Your name will also be detached from your data (though referenced in any credits), because frankly the interesting stuff is at a higher level than a single person anyway. The possibilities intrigue my brain and my inner athlete. Who knows maybe one day I'll even get something published about this work, something with my picture on it...as long as I'm wearing a fedora.

Some lessons are subtle...

2010-11-07T07:31:00.008-05:00

...and others not so much! So I was out running yesterday, on "my trail" again, and I was just losing myself. I wasn't really focused on anything and was marveling at how the trail looked so different than just 2 weeks earlier because the leaves had fa... WHAM!!! Down goes Joel. Down goes Joel. I tumbled "a-- over tea kettle" and lost my glasses. Knee scrapped and bruised, hand bleeding a little, toe sore, I crawled around on all fours like Thelma of Scooby-Doo fame, feeling the dirt for my glasses in the leaves. I know for a fact I let at least one MF'r drop. And then I started laughing. Hello there, that's just one of the many ways trail running is different; there are tree roots!

The incident was also a not so subtle reminder of one of life's lessons: you need to be able to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get yourself moving again because sometimes you truly are all alone. And if you are wondering, I kept going. Once I started again I began remembering the first time I took a similar digger in a cross-country race. I remember seeing the whole pack just cruise on by me. I was muddy, had my pride bruised, but was otherwise okay. However I spent the rest of the race running below my ability because I was feeling sorry for myself. I don't recall exactly, but that lack luster result may have ended in one of the two demotions from the varsity that I would endure during my career. No folks, I was not yet the athlete I am now.

I ended up running the whole route yesterday and actually crushed my times on the same route posted two weeks earlier, all because I decided to keep going even when there was nobody there to know if I quit or not. I knew, and that's all it took. This morning my knee aches a little, but no big thing. The scrape on my hand has scabbed over. My left big toe is a bit tender, but all in all I feel pretty darn good.

There you have it, another life lesson learned on the trails. Before I finish though I think I need to stress a corollary to this lesson. In truth I think quite a few people do understand that in life you need to be able to rely on yourself to make it through adversity because sometimes there is nobody there to help. But the corollary is that sometimes other people are there, and if they offer help freely you need to learn to accept it. It turns out this is harder for some people than you'd think. It was harder for me, that's for sure. However accepting the help makes experiences far more meaningful because now you've shared them with another person, a person you can forever call friend.

PS: Here are the numbers from the two runs
October 24
November 6

PPS: Notice the two breaks in pace on Nov. 6, at mile 2 and at mile 4.4. The first was the digger. The second as a close encounter with a cow that had escaped its pasture and the irate farmer who was "chasing" it. For the record he was swearing way more than I!

2010-10-23T07:41:00.011-04:00

I went for a run today. I know, I know...I'm supposed to just be swimming with the occasional bike ride thrown in. In general that is the case, but today was different. Today I needed to get out in nature and run, and not just any run, a trail run. Originally I was thinking of running the Sachuest loop a few times, but I changed my mind and opted for a little known gem of a running route around here. It's a trail that runs from Newport National Golf Club to Glen Farm. It parallels a road that features prominently in my bike rides, but you'd never know it. I last ran here in November 2009. I wasn't escaping a sick ward of a house this time, but nonetheless there was a reason I needed route on this day. The experience is nearly unparalleled; no people, no sounds but your breathing and your feet on the dirt and leaves. You get into this rhythm where you're just weaving through the trees. As the leaves fall it's harder and harder to see the path, but if you allow yourself to relax and just go where the terrain allows you to go you'll find you are moving the right way. It's so easy to lose track of time, to just exist in the moment. You're cruising along straight towards a large tree with an old stone wall behind it. You don't break stride because it must be the way, but what about the wall? You lean around the tree and straight through a previously unseen gap in the wall. It's work but it heals the soul. There's so much majesty around you, you are so small, you have no choice but to remember your place in this world.

We went to church today. This is a tough on for me. It's not a skipping church is what the cool kids are doing, thing. I have some very real, very personal reasons why. No I'm not discussing those here. The thought of attending "church" elicits am almost Pavlovian response from me now. I regret that I can't communicate the issues effectively. I'm also torn because I do believe in allowing my kids to learn and make their own decisions. I believe in supporting my wife with things that are important to her. At some times I'm better at that than others. This is a "me thing." I promised 17yrs ago that I would raise my kids in the Catholic Church. Even then I knew I wasn't really telling the truth. If it happened, well it wouldn't be with whole hearted enthusiasm. If they end up choosing a church, that's fine, but I need them to have a choice. And as for me and my lie, well I'll bear the burden of that one.

Alexandra wants to know about God. But you see, I don't believe you learn about God in church (and try explaining to a 6yr old why you eat the bread and drink the wine). My experience is that you learn more about Man in church than God. If you want to learn about God, come run on my trail.

Two wheel'n

2010-10-17T20:18:00.003-04:00

Some days I have a hard time coming up with something to write about. Not today. This one is easy. Today Alexandra ditched the training wheels. Sure this is one of those inevitable moments as a parent, but trust me the lead in is anything but.

Let's back up a little. Parenting has taught me more patience and wisdom than anything else in life. Prior to parenthood I envisioned the job as being the constant teacher, the wise old sage teaching the kids. You know, Yoda. And while that's true to a degree, trust me when I say it is you, the parent, who do much of the learning. For me it's been a very difficult albeit rewarding adventure to discover how my kids learn. For Alexandra it's been about learning how to help her manage her anxiety (and my anxiety!). Early on I would try too hard to help her work through things. The net is that I probably pushed a little too much and at times she regressed. Her "relationship" with water comes to mind. As time has passed I've learned to not push so much but rather let her wait until she was ready. I guess I feared that she'd move away from something and then never come back to it. She'd get scared in the water, or on the bike, and that was that. She'd never be a swimmer or ride a bike. Hey I'm not nuts, I have seen it happen...to other kids. But I've learned she's way more resilient than that. In fact it's now downright fascinating to me. She moves away from things physically, but I have this strange feeling that she does not move completely away from things mentally. Whether she consciously thinks about things that have given her trouble and why they gave her trouble, I don't know. But first with swimming and then today with her bike, she fairly abruptly came back to them and decided that she was ready. And when she says she's ready...She is Ready. I think I held her saddle for all of 10 seconds today. 7 miles later she was declaring how when she was on her bike she never got tired. I'm sure the catalyst was her friend Lauren becoming a two wheeler herself, but as you know that peer pressure thing can work the opposite way. But not with this little girl.

Now I trust her judgement with these sorts of things more than mine. If she's not ready, I don't push at all. She has demonstrated with two big milestones this year, when she's ready she goes and never stops.

Of course, Dylan wants to keep up with his sister, and he is wired differently. I mean, he's a boy. Dylan will fall on his bum, or head, over and over until he gets it. That's just what he does. But keeping up with big sis does motivate him, and today that got him back on his bike and riding with us. When last we saw Dylan and his new Lightning McQueen bike, he was abandoning it on the Cape Cod Canal bike path and daddy was swearing. Well today he rode until he was dropping. Dylan is talented in his own right. Unfortunately he's 2 1/2 years younger than his sister and at this point in life that's a huge gap. But he tries, gets frustrated, screams, has a fit, gets mad, and then tries again. It's just a matter of time. Yeah, time and a bunch of bandages and ice packs!

What a great weekend.

Preseason

2010-10-09T07:31:00.006-04:00

Rest time is over. I took exactly 3 full weeks of complete inactivity following Pumpkinman. Early on I had considered racing the Amica 19.7 sprint race near my house (1.5 miles away), but I elected to pass and just try and gain some weight instead. As it turns out I continued my uncanny streak of skipping races that end up having some major issue. The Amica 19.7 race had the swim canceled because they couldn't secure the markers in the surf. Well folks that is the issue trying to do such a short swim in the ocean.

But I digress (I do that a lot if you haven't noticed!). Anyway, by the end of the 3 weeks I think Leanna herself was tying the shoes onto my feet and asking me to please get out of the house and exercise! Drinking beer and eating chocolate cookies in the name of weight gain is fun and all, but I had so much pent up energy by the end that I was bouncing off the walls. However, I did not and have not run, which is my typical off-season activity. No, I have not mounted a bike either, though I will this next week. Instead I went to the pool, 4 times in the last 6 days actually. Yes, I am looking to find and embrace my inner swimmer (stop laughing please)! I am commiting to become a faster swimmer this time around. It's not that I need to be faster than my absolutely predictable 1:06 Ironman swim. I want to be faster, because I know just how my confidence will just soar if I see, say 1:02, on the race clock. 4 minutes, that's the target. Why 4? Well first I think it's very doable if I just apply myself. Second, if I were in possession of a 1:02 Ironman swim instead of a 1:06, I'd have been to Hawaii twice already. Yes I used to rationalize my lack of swim focus because the amount of training time required to drop the 4 minutes was time that could be spent making bigger gains running. That argument held water (ha ha) when my race time was a 10:58 and I only ran 3:50 for the marathon. Then came 2008, QT2 and Coach Tim, and the subsequent 10:21:56 finish with the 3:28:46 marathon. The final M40-44 slot went to Vinu Malik at 10:19:33. And my swim blew that year: 1:10! Then came 2009 with a 10:14, a 3:23 run and back to a 1:06 swim. Well we know how this one ended; 105 seconds short of the last slot. When I looked at the results one thing became apparent: I was playing catch-up from the gun. In fact only Dave Nerrow had a slower swim than me in the top 13 places, but his bike/run combination is flat out devastating.

So that brings me back to this preseason and my new swim focus. 1:02 that's the number, well one of the numbers but the one commanding the most attention right now. If you're curious the other numbers are 5:25 and 3:19. Add in some transition time and you still get the idea: I'm not shooting for the final spot for Hawaii. The goal in fact has nothing to do with Hawaii, because frankly thinking about that might lead me to delude myself, to research other year's results for M45-49 and analyze trends and think about what is "good enough." No, the goal is breaking 10 hrs. He probably doesn't know it, but Pat Wheeler is an inspiration here. He too suffered a painfully narrow miss in getting to Hawaii, only to use that to fuel his training and obliterate the 10hr barrier. I don't have his speed, but when the goal is set as it is above, 1:02/5:25/3:19, it is clear to me that I most definitely have the ability to break 10. Hawaii, might be an outcome, but hear me now...It is NOT the goal!

How determined am I? Well consider I might actually get some formal swim coaching! *gasp* Inconceivable! ("You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.") I have tried to put some weight on for the early blocks of training (mixed results) because when I'm heavier I recover more quickly, which will be important with my increased focus on volume. I can get away with very low volume running, somewhat lower biking, but not swimming. It's not as natural to me. I need the hours to gain the minutes. I feel good, I'm 7lbs or so more than I was at Pumpkinman, and I'm really eager to get going. Reinserting patience is the biggest challenge! I know it will be a bit of a grind on the trainer in the middle of the winter, but this is my time.

I have some experience with finally achieving long held goals. I ran my first marathon in 1995. It was humbling. From that day on I wanted to break 3hrs. I would get as close as 3:04 on a couple of occasions, but never really get there. Then in 2006 I really dialed myself in mentally. I did the long stuff in the winter. I logged every work out. I took care of the little things. Hell, even my Road ID said it. And I did it. I have the same feeling this time around that I had before the 2006 Boston. The feeling like the focus is there, like an approaching tide the inevitable is coming. And the inevitable is me. It's the unmoving object versus the irresitible force.

So come June 2011, it'll be no problem that my Garmin is only supposed to last for 10hrs on a charge. I only plan on using ~9:56 minutes of it!

The year in review

2010-09-25T07:37:00.014-04:00

Yes, my year is over. I know December is a ways away, but who said December had to be the end. This year is done. Next year starts in roughly 8 weeks. So let's review.

The plan, as you know by now, was to bridge from 2009 to 2011, which is to say bridge from IMLP 2009 to IMLP 2011. Along the way some deliberations occurred and it was decided to make the target IM CDA 2011 instead of IMLP. Put the change of plan under the category of planning for success. The desired outcome is a trip to Kona which, while feasible at either venue, stands a better chance of being a good experience by virtue of an extra month to recover. *Note* I am not doing CDA because I think it is easier. If anything I think I'm better relative to my peers on harder courses, especially harder run courses. I've done IMLP 4 times and know it takes 4 to 6 weeks until I even feel like I can train at normal paces again. That makes the extra month gold for me in terms of Kona prep. Additionally I am historically much stronger at the end of June than I am in late July. Even as a young'n June good, July not so much. The last few years my late June training numbers, even while overloading, were far and away the best. Sure the cost and logistics are a pain, but it is full throttle in 2011 to cross a big item off "the list," so it was deemed to be worth it.

So how successful was the year? I was good not great all year which was indeed the tag line for this year. Being a good not great athlete allowed me to make progress in other areas of life. Others will have to decide if I was successful. I do know it was priceless to be home every day. The kids have really begun developing at a high rate. I refer to what they're doing as "skills acquisition." From hesitant to jump off the edge of the shallow end while literally wrapped in flotation devices, to diving under water in the ocean wearing nothing but a bathing suit, mask, and a smile!

But the best part of the year was being able to be there for my #1 fan Leanna. I believe things happen for a reason. I narrowly missed out on Kona last year...for a reason. I needed to focus on my family, and on helping my best friend try to return to health in whatever way I could. There would be ample opportunity to return to being self-absorbed. It was difficult and stressful but we kept focused. Endurance training and racing has taught me how to live in the moment, deal with what is and don't waste energy on what you wish would be, and most of all to be patient. Since her surgery in March we've made steady progress towards normalcy. She even attended my last two races, and she's returned to work and the gym. There are no words to describe how I feel. If I had to give up Ironman forever to reach this point, I would. It's this incredible bonus I don't. Hell I feel like I'll be heading to Coeur D'Alene playing with house money. There's still a long road to travel between here and there, for both of us, but we won't be alone. Leanna, I love you.

Did you know this was here?

2010-09-14T20:40:00.029-04:00

No Honey. I had no idea there was a huge outlet mall in Kittery. Really. Cross my heart. Honest, had I known I would have stopped (instead of accelerated) years ago!

We were in Maine this past weekend. I raced the Pumpkinman Half Iron. Depending on how I did this was possibly my last race as a 40-44 year old. The kids stayed with grandma and grandpa this weekend. Instead just Leanna and I made the trip; a flashback to younger days. And just like in the old days, race prep and planning was sub-optimal. The biggest gaff was realizing I was out of my nutritional products just a day or two before the race. I decided I wouldn't sweat it and would just pick up some goods when I get there, which I did. Only problem was that I couldn't find my Powerbar stuff. Instead it was GU products, which I have used. Okay no big deal. I know I can tolerate the stuff and I can do math, so I quickly recalibrated my eating/drinking schedule and figured I was good to go.

Alright, back to the report in a moment. First a recap of the focus of this year, which of course started last year. In Lake Placid, in July 2009, I came up 105 seconds short of a trip to Hawaii. While the natural response is to get right back at it and try again, 2009 was a very difficult year in our family and the best plan was to do the opposite. The family comes first. So plan 'B' was to make this a bridge year; keep a reasonable training schedule, focused on repetition more than duration, and race enough so I remember how it feels. The motto was 'Good not Great.' The result of the plan was to recharge physically and emotionally but find myself at a higher level than I typically do at the beginning of an Ironman ramp up, in this case the IM Coeur D'Alene 2011 ramp up. For the most part the plan has worked. Leanna's health is improved. I'm in a different job and happier for it. I raced Mooseman 70.3 in early June and had a respectable if far from overwhelming result. Good not Great. Last weekend I cranked a Sprint tri to blow out the cobwebs before Pumpkinman, and again had a respectable result. Good not Great. So this was it, and if I hit my goals, this was it until next year.

What goals you say? Well goal 1) was to not suck. I had a pretty good feeling I'd be okay, but I was worried about going slower than 4:45 which would not have been okay with me. The course profile just is not that difficult. Goal 2) is always to have one of the top runs amongst my peers. It relaxes me quite a bit on the bike to know I just need to keep people close and I can run most of them down. Goal 3) was to go under 4:40. While not a incredibly fast tme, based on my training volume as well as what I had seen the previous week, and indeed what my training numbers were telling me, this was going to take a little work. Not impossible, but not a foregone conclusion.

For this race I had mostly one thing going for me, I know how to pace. Yeah there was some trash talk going on amongst teammates, and yes it actually added a funny and dare I say relaxing element to the race. It broke the tension. But the truth of the matter is that those things would not even enter my mind on race day until the run. The last race I had where I blew up was in '06 or '07 when I made the mistake of getting into a bike race instead of focusing on the race as a whole. What I didn't have was volume. I had been getting more trips into the water lately but nothing too impressive. My run mileage was very low as it has been all year to save wear and tear on the ankles, and my bike mileage was also low. In fact I had only cracked 50 miles in a single ride twice since the beginning of August.

I just wanted the swim to be steady. I went out hard and then settled and tried to get some feet. That only worked for a minute or two as we quickly caught people from the previous wave. So I just tried to relax, keep loose, and concentrate on pulling through with my whole body in sync, not trying to generate force from my arms/shoulders. Amazingly this worked and I came out of the 1st loop right behind teammate Custie in 14:48. I'd drop off a little on the 2nd loop, but still managed 15:45 or so. Then I had my first bit of "fun". Despite better judgement, I wanted to see how fast I could sprint the big hill. So prior to crossing the timing mat at the end of the swim I stopped in the water and removed my wetsuit, or should I say 3/4 of my wetsuit. Damn thing hung up on my timing chip again, so again I had to drop to my butt in the water. I was so frustrated that I pulled really hard, the wetsuit came off and I began to run. "Hey buddy your chip is in the water." F--- Me! I turned and a kind soul handed me the chip which I then fastened very firmly (I have a bruise to prove it!). I later discovered that the kind soul was another teammate Mary Eggers.

I ran my a-- off up the hill...and thought my heart would explode at the top. In fact I walked the last 20ft or so in transition to settle my heart rate before beginning the bike. This was no sprint and I needed things under control. The rest of transition was uneventful so off I went. Because the swim had been more than 30min, it was time to knock down a GU packet, and so I did. Well maybe knock it down is not the right term. I did squeeze it into my mouth and at that moment remembered why I went to Powerbar Gels instead of GU. The GU was the consistency of old toothpaste. I mean damn...get me some water. I got it down but it landed heavy. Good for me my stomach is tough and I didn't really suffer GI issues, but that doesn't mean the experience was at all pleasant. Anyway the ride was mostly uneventful if underwhelming. I had good heart rate control (pick up the effort rate goes right up, relax the effort and the rate falls almost immediately). I just didn't have great speed. Okay speed, but not great. Had there been big climbs I expect I might have done better relative to my peers, but as it was sustained power in the aero position was a key to success. I had the same issue at Mooseman so this was nothing new. It's definitely on the hit list for CDA training.

I kept calm and just rode a steady pace. After all was said and done I discovered I even split the ride. Not too shabby. Coming in on the bike I saw my teammates all in a row, but all quite a ways ahead of me. If I was to keep from being the slow poke of the group, something my ego would not allow, I would need to knock down a very solid run. And I did. In fact I got them all except for Keith who was having a fantastic day. The very first time we crossed over on the run I knew I was not closing on him and short of a complete explosion I wouldn't see him until the finish line. I think I was truly excited for him because in a way it helped with one of my anxieties as well. You see Keith is the only one in this group of us who is older than me, and if he's still moving well then I probably should not stress about waking up one day before CDA and finding that my run, my number one weapon, is gone. As for the rest of them. Well I mowed them down one at a time! By the way I even split my run as well.

My final time was 4:38, good for 2nd in the age group. That meant I hit my goals. Pretty good, not great. Definitely got all out of what I had in me so I have promised to not complain. I do have a list of things to work on, but at the end of the day the basic elements seem there. Just need to add volume back in.

Once again for you fellow geeks here are the Garmin files:

Bike
Run

That's it?

2010-09-07T06:42:00.011-04:00

The rock, you know Plymouth Rock, wasn't nearly the giant monolith I had been expecting. Yes I appreciate the historical significance, but really I found myself wondering how the hell the Pilgrims even found it. Yeah I know it's been split and chipped away at, but seriously double ...no triple it's size, go 1/2 mile offshore and take a look. "One in a million, Doc. One in a million."

And yes, I begin the post with a digression. This last weekend was a family vacation/kids first trip to a race/farewell to summer. "Daddy, what's Labor Day mean?" "It means thank god school's back in because you kids are a lot of work! Just kidding honey." Though last week it seemed the weekend would be dictated by Hurricane Earl, Earl was a dud so instead the weekend revolved around our trip as a family to the Mayflower Sprint Triathlon in Plymouth, MA. Now I haven't raced a sprint in a long time. I think the last one was 2007 or s0 and before that, ... well ... , I can't really remember. Sure you could look it up, but it's just not that important. What was important was structuring a weekend the way we used to do it. "Back in the day" Leanna, Otis (our lab) and I would pack up for a weekend on the Cape and I'd race in Hyannis or Falmouth. We'd see the same group of racers/friends we'd always see. I didn't know too many people back then but over time many of those people would become the basis of my triathlon family. It was in those days that I met Tim, Cait, Beth, Brian, Steve Kelley, and others. Actually Steve was the first person I met due to his position as President of the Bay State Triathlon Team. This weekend had the familiar feel to it; grass roots kind of event with the same familiar faces, albeit older and some of us with kids, and a lot more carbon fiber. I mean even I had a carbon bike!

The race is held right in the historic section of Plymouth and started at 10:00am, not the sunrise 7:00am start we've all grown to love! The location and time made for lots of spectators, both willing and not. For those of us trained for and truly best suited for long distance triathlons, the sprint triathlon, this one made up of ~.4mile swim/12mile bike/3.1 mile run is a painful event. You have to go hard right from the gun and you really can't make any mistakes. It's not a race where I focus on finishing as one of the top three goals. First and foremost it is a race of execution. Spend too much time in transition because your foot got stuck in your wetsuit (again! time to cut it!) and you can watch the places go by you. There just is not enough course to repass too many people. After that it's just a matter of going all out. No real strategy. No nutrition plan. Just how hard can you go for 60 or so minutes.

In my opinion my biggest strength these days is in my ability to pace. So a sprint does not play into my strengths whatsoever. However it does satisfy that need to feel nervous, to get hit in the water, to have my heart try to leap from my chest, to make me want to hurl...in short it serves to help me prep for the next weekend's Pumpkinman 1/2. It's also an opportunity to bring the kids to a race. Yes the whole clan came to Plymouth, and an hour of racing was about all their 4 and 6 yr old attention spans were ready to handle. In fact a delay in the start (boat entering the harbor) almost pushed them, and by extension Leanna, over the edge! I loved having the kids at the race. In fact seeing them cheering for me was one of the best experiences I've ever had (fyi that's why I'm smiling in my race photos during the transition run from the swim to the transition area). That said, holy crap they were difficult. Did you know we went 3 for 5 on spilled drinks...Mommy and Daddy drinks! "But Daddy it was on my place mat and I didn't want anything on my place mat." They very possibly learned some new, more colorful words!

But back to the race, yes the kids were there cheering their daddy as he worked it, even if I was a bit rusty (hadn't raced since early June). And I had fun: I went hard. I hurt on the swim/bike/run. I finished 1st in my age group and 12th overall.

Post race was some relaxation time in Plymouth, including dinner out. We ran into the Snows plus Mikaela (Cait's sister) at Sam Diego's. And despite Cait questioning my sanity because I don't like fried ice cream, it was fun seeing them.

Next weekend is Pumpkinman and I want to do well. I'm fairly realistic that there are no PRs in my future as I don't have that kind of training volume this year. Nonetheless I still have goals related to maximizing what I have, and that means giving out lessons on course management and pacing.

See you next Sunday.

Here are the Garmin files: Bike , Run (note: heart strap fell down during run)

Fortunately I can use flexible spending for band-aids

2010-09-01T20:27:00.008-04:00

**Let me apologize in advance for likely offending the womens with some of the terminology.**

Training has become very quantitative these days. There are numbers and measures for everything; right in the sweet spot of a business intelligence data geek like myself. Along with ones many people use, I have some "personal" ones which while harder to record w/o lots of data points but are very meaningful. e.g. Cardiac response, the slope of your heart rate changes vs. time with a change in effort. It's about how quickly my heart rate both increases and subsequently decreases with the addition or subtraction of effort. When I'm fit this is steep. When I'm not, not so much. But here's the thing: as valuable as all these hard numbers are in determining fitness, no number is as powerful as that qualitative measure which tells me it's time to rest a bit: blatant stupidity. Similarly a serious lack of coordination is highly correlated. And not to be outdone, there's the moodiness referred to by some as "being on the rag" and others as "having sand in your vagina" or maybe just "a bug in your a--." An inability to push to functional max during intervals is another measure, sometimes described as a bout of "vaginitis."

One of these conditions is bad enough to usually necessitate some sort of plan modification. When you've got all of the above? Shut it down. I tried to deny the facts when it was just some vaginitis, but when Leanna began inquiring about the bug in my a--, maybe I should have taken note. When I got a bit freaked out (out of the blue) while 1/4 mile off shore in 3ft swells I might have figured out I needed to dial back. Maybe the fly and die run would clue me in? No, it took the missed shift/dropped chain on a 12% pitch/leaning fall/sliced knuckle (this sequence filed under blatant stupidity) to give me a clue. Yeah, no denying the blatant stupidity. 8 miles riding in with blood running down my arm, and cutting off the last 18 mile loop was my acceptance. I did do my T-run, which all things considered was decent, but then it was quiet time until Tuesday. Since then things have been getting back on track. I had an encouraging swim and a better ride and run. I can't say I've fully got my mojo back, but I'm not that whiny bitch anymore either.

PS: The knuckle wrapped in "Woody, Bullseye, and Jesse" (Toy Story 3) was quite the conversation piece at work!

Guru Redux

2010-08-22T15:20:00.016-04:00

It's been 5 years since I built and started racing my current race bike. It was a rebuilt and personalized circa 2002 Cervelo One. So when Tim offered to let me build up his Guru Crono since he had moved on to a sweet Scott Plasma, I leapt at the chance. I've been racing bikes since 1985. The first was my only complete bike, a steel Lotus. It was fuscia. Since that bike I have ridden only aluminum. Aluminum bikes have a lot of things going for them, but one of those things is NOT comfort. If your position, tire pressure, etc... is not spot on they can be brutal.

The Guru Crono is an all carbon bike, so for that reason alone I was curious to ride the finished product. However, making this project more interesting, I was determined to use only things found in my cellar to rebuild it. This first photo shows what I was starting with.

The main thing missing was a fork. Well if you've been in my cellar (and you probably haven't because that's just not allowed), you'll know it's a bicycle graveyard down there. I had a couple of options for a fork, but selected a fairly vintage Giant Aero fork. I've always liked it. It has a bit of lateral flex to it, but that's not really an issue for me. Next the components were all pulled straight from the Cervelo. The one acquisition for this build was the Vision aero base bar and extensions. I got them for $80 and I like their profile. My current bars are just a little "busy".

The ride: The second I started rolling I noticed one thing instantly; this bike handles much more quickly. Whether it was just the fork or a combination of the fork and frame geometry, this handled more like my road bike. However it was not squirrely. It was very stable on straight lines and I never felt like I was in danger of a digger...well after the first lap I never felt in danger! I'll admit feeling more than a little apprehensive and thus tense for the first 20 or 30 minutes. I did need to stop about 15 seconds after rolling out to adjust the front brakes. The pads were way off. The shakedown ride was on the trainer. You don't use brakes on the trainer...whoops! After that everything stayed put.

While my lap times were not noticeably different than previous rides (don't underestimate the benefit of being familiar with a bike) there were two key areas where I felt a difference. The first was on the false flat I hit 21 minutes into each loop. The bottom bracket area of this bike is stiff. The second I put pressure on the bike moved. I was noticeably faster going through this stretch. The front end of the bike is also lower than the Cervelo and this was evident on Sachuest Beach Rd. There was wind today and I felt like I could "duck" under the wind a bit. Not everything was perfect. I missed on the saddle position and my quads blew up around mile 50. Seated climbing on steeps was difficult (I'm sure the lay off didn't help here). I've already fixed this. Now I just need to stop peeing fire (kidding...that's already stopped)! A few other things needed to be tweaked, but nothing major. Oh yes, the other pleasant surprise was how much better the shifting was than the Cervelo.

Overall a good ride. Things showed promise. A number of the issues from the morning might well be tied to the 2 weeks which have passed since my last road ride. I'm seriously considering racing a sprint tri on September 4th to see how the bike races before I hit Pumpkinman on September 12th.

Today's ride

I have a laptop and a blog and I'm not afraid to use them! (or Why you should sponsor me.)

2010-08-15T20:18:00.010-04:00

I'm fairly analytical in nature. Hell, it's what I do for a living. So when I sit here and assess my marketability, the "why" a company should sponsor me, I come up with nothing...almost. It's really a matter of perspective. I'm not Lebron (thank god!). More to the point, I'm not Craig Alexander, Chris McCormack, Andy Potts, hell I'm not a triathlete of any note whatsoever! I'm not a professional athlete at all. There is nothing significantly different between me and the multitude of age group athletes who are out there in the wee hours of the morning, or night, in the rain, in the snow, in all sorts of crap hammering out hours and miles to be 5 minutes faster at the end of 10 hours next year. I have a full time job at a bank. I have a wife and two children. I have a modest house with a mortgage. I'm not special in any demonstrable fashion. And that...that is the key. There is nothing different. I'm representative of the vast demographic which inexplicably (to those who don't understand) spend hours, and yes dollars, on sport. Perhaps my advantage over many is simply that I found my focus on sport a bit earlier than some and have a bit of a head start. Oh, and I can write a bit too.

Racing is expensive, but frankly can be budgeted fairly easily. Entry fee, travel, room, food for x number of nights...no big deal. The price clearly limits the amount of destination races, but really there are other limiters that play a bigger role. For me the bigger issue comes in the form of unplanned expenses, and these occur in training as much if not more than racing. Good wheels, power meters, heart rate monitors, tires, tubes, chains, shorts, shoes, shirts, socks, food (oh god the cost of food), water bottles...this stuff adds up. As my sponsor I'd be looking for you to help me get through the training so I can make it to the races. This year alone I had 3 pairs of $80 shorts blow out seams (I'm huge...okay no I'm not!). Stuff like clothing, shoes, parts, "hydration systems", if you got it to share I'll proudly display it in training and racing. No worries about look'n all NASCAR here!

So what's in it for you? Well I don't expect something for nothing. Send me stuff and I'll use it and write an honest review about it. If I like it I'll pimp your goods to all my friends and even some people I don't like! If it's junk I'll adhere to my personal standard that I will not just denounce an item. Rather I will provide constructive feedback as to how it can be better. And for pricier items (e.g. if a bike manufacturer would want to loan me a ride or wheels), I'd gladly return them following the review. You see I'm easy. And I can talk when inspired...or write...or Tweet (somewhat)...

I'm a middle aged man, and we have no inhibitions because frankly it's just too damn late to change us. That means you'll get pure, unadulterated honesty. I have a lovely wife, two darling kids, and for some unknown reason this need to be a triathlete. It's as if it is encoded in my DNA. I'm never more content than when I'm so exhausted I can hardly speak. And that is a story which describes untold numbers of us.

Sound appealling? Drop me a line and let's make a deal: joel dot kehm at gmail dot com.

Quote of the week (and other memorable moments/thoughts from vacation)

2010-08-14T20:55:00.016-04:00

Dylan (sitting in the shallow water of Crystal Lake) - "Daddy, there's water in my hole."

I'm such a juvenile! Had I been drinking anything, it would have been coming through my nose. That was last Monday. You see we spent this last week on what might well have been our first full family vacation, and I mean a true vacation. The road bike stayed home. As it turned out the running shorts (and socks!) stayed home, though that was by accident. Sure I was upset about my stuff being left at home, but only for a short while. I've been more huffy for a lot longer about other things in my day. Instead this became an opportunity to say "f--- it. For one week I'm just a guy with his family (who had his swim stuff and mountain bike and could still sneak in a little sump'n sump'n during the week)!

There were so many things that we experienced, that it's hard to remember everything. But I'll try to hit the high points. Going back to my little buddy Dylan, along with the quote Dylan had the first memorable event of the week. We had taken a boat over to a remote part of Nauset Beach and there were horseshoe crab bodies everywhere. Well leave it to my little buddy. He has a way of grabbing things that he shouldn't. Recall the bumble bee he tried to hand to Mommy? Well here we are two years later. "Ouch Daddy. It poked me." Yes Dylan found the LIVE horseshoe crab. Meanwhile Alexandra was mermaid girl. She put her mask on and just started swimming along checking out things on the bottom, and diving down to grab things.

The next day we hit the bike path as a family. For this, we unveiled Dylan's new Lightning McQueen bicycle!

The bike path was crowded and a little hairy at times, but all had a good time...well almost all. Dylan didn't have the best trip because he took two diggers. However, he got some ice cream at Cobie's and finished up the ride. What a trooper. However, he was done for the rest of the trip. His sister on the other hand, she couldn't get enough. Later in the week Daddy and Alexandra got to go out on the path together, and yes, we covered some miles. Give her some "daddy sippy" (Gatorade), a juice box, some gummies, and a place to pee outdoors, and she is good to go!

And lest you think it was all kids and parents (and grandparents) having a good old fashioned family vacation, well, Mommy and Daddy got a little grown-up time. And what do two grown-ups do when getting their first free time in what seems like years? Why they hit a drag show! Actually I got to cross two things off the bucket list: "#47: Drag Show" *check* "#58: Happy hour at gay dance club" *check*!

*begin digression*
Let me digress for a moment. The thing that jumped out at me in these experiences was how the "human experience" has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Did you know that there are some really uncoordinated arrhythmic gay people? There were quite a few lonely people as well, just like you'd find in any straight club on any night. And there were nice people and d-bags. Maybe because I clearly was just an observer, and as a middle aged man could really give a rats ass what people think about me, I was able to appreciate things in an objective way I couldn't when I was a young'n hit'n the clubs (no comments Miss Leanna). People are people, even when they are in an orange prom gown and blonde wig yelling "Hi runner!"
*end digression*

Of course it wasn't all fun and games. Stress is an ever present part of life. You try to let your guard down, and wham! In retrospect it didn't dampen the enjoyment of the trip, but what a pain-in-the-ass that they did such a lousy job cleaning our room. We stayed at the Ocean Edge Resort in Brewster and at those rates you'd think they could clean up the hair balls, candy wrappers, cheese-its, and families of dust bunnies left over from prior guests (we don't eat candy or cheese-its). My pillow fell behind the bed...and then had to be washed. A bit distressing because I'm not made of money you know, and this vacation was a little bit of a reach because I truly wanted to experience it with my family. They did waive the resort fee after we complained for the 3rd time (and I'm not a complainer, really), but they're still getting a nice letter.

And it wouldn't have been a vacation if someone didn't get sick. Yes Miss Alexandra got the scratchy throat, mild fever, and bad attitude I had last Saturday following my training ride (more on that and the Garmin file in a later post). But don't think for a second that that stopped her. No, it would take a lot more than a summer cold to have her miss anything...anything at all. She's a little terminator "And (she) absolutely will not stop, ever..."

Yes the last week was truly memorable. We have tons of photos which will end up on Facebook soon. The kids have memories now like I have from my childhood, and that makes me so happy I can't explain it. Dylan and mini golf. Alexandra on ready for two wheels. Tons of hermit crabs. The elusive minnows. Grandpa and "the stick" comment (I'll explain another time...). Special thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for watching the kids a bit and to Alan and Mike for showing us a good time.

And of course my loving wife out and having fun and dancing, something that could not have happened a year ago. I love you.

What's my thing?

2010-08-06T07:05:00.003-04:00

Seriously, when you think of me what do you think of? What is(are) my defining characteristic(s) at least from the standpoint of external perception of me? Is there anything about which you'd like to hear more, e.g. a topic for a recurring series of posts? Do you want more pictures?

I'm not having another identity crisis, but I am starting to think forward a little. This is an opportunity that has not existed in my life in some time; the ability to plan the future, to think about what I want to be when I grow up. I want to write more, and so I want to know what people think. My posts cover a very broad range of things. I'm looking for a little focus, at least for some of them. Help me please (and I'll say nice things about you!).

Yes I an serious here, and remember I reserve the right to delete the more offensive of the suggestions!

So this is what my parents felt...

2010-08-04T06:57:00.003-04:00

My mom saved lots of stuff from my childhood in my parents basement. Once we bought our house in Middletown, "care packages" began arriving with some of my stuff from long, long ago. I remember thinking three things:

1) I can't believe this is still around.
2) You held onto this crap all that time?
3) What the hell am I going to do with it?

Well yesterday I experienced some of what was probably going through my mom's head and heart. We are beginning to make some room in our overcrowded travesty of a cellar, and to do that it means things such as the crib and bags of baby toys must go. It really was not that long ago that we used these items, and yet they will never be used again. I confess to feeling sad as they went into the dumpsters at the transfer station. My little nugget and the wee man are no longer that.

(FYI, most items are slated to be ground up and recycled.)

Quassy

2010-07-28T21:08:00.005-04:00

This past Monday we took the kids to an amusement park, a small amusement park, but an amusement park nonetheless. The park was Lake Quassapaug (Quassy) in Middlebury, CT. Some of you tri peeps might know the location from Rev3. While Alexandra has been to Disney, that hardly counts. She was really little and didn't really experience the park.

The biggest adult decision of the day was to go on a weekday and not weekend. It could have been hell had it been crowded. After that the day was as much about me being a kid again as a parent...and it was awesome. We started the day on the "Mad Mouse", a little coaster from 1920 or so. I was terrified that the damn thing would hurl us off the track and we'd free fall to the ground! And I don't think my kids will ever let me forget screaming like a little girl as we vanished into the darkness of "the Big Flush", a water curvy slide which is entirely in the dark! Then there was the water park, the "Saturation Station." A good amount of time was also spent in the lake swimming with lots of little fishies. Then it was back to the Big Flush with Alexandra while Dylan and Mommy checked out some rides that Dylan had his eye on.

I managed to keep the "investment" in crappy midway stuffed animals to $8.00. Of course to pull this off I had to throw the squirt gun game, not once, but twice. And yes the kids made sure to let me know that "You're not very good at this game Daddy." I didn't make it too obvious. A miss here and there, no more than a couple seconds, and they would win.

Today I was back at work, at a job that I actually like, and was struck by how contrived our "real lives" are. Raw emotion, laughter, and fun with loved ones; that is real. Worrying about whether or not we have an indicator for "Criticized Loans" in our new database, kind of silly. Sure the second decision has lots of implications surrounding it which could effect millions of dollars, but maybe the takeaway there is that real life isn't really about money, now is it.

Pace = Patience

2010-07-26T21:39:00.011-04:00

I'm enjoying the final night of my first "vacation" from my new job, a 4 day weekend in Connecticut. In two weeks we go on a real vacation to the Cape. This past weekend had been spent in Lake Placid, NY the past couple of years, and while it would be nice to think of those trips as "vacations", truthfully they were anything but. Sure they were fun and there are lots of life long memories, but they were work. So this year we deviated from the norm and did nothing. well, okay not nothing. We went to a family party and then played with the kids the whole time. In the midst of this I did some run training in the heat in humidity to log how my body was currently handling such things as well as to conduct an experiment. So yeah, we didn't deviate from the norm that much. We did go as a family to an amusement park, and it wasn't a stressful nightmare, so that was new!

The Running

I went out for a run in the late morning on Saturday and it was hot and humid. The air temperature was 96 degrees in the shade making it 100 or greater on the road for much of the run. The run is about 8.5 miles and to give context, here's my data on the exact course in late May. For that May run I went out in the morning so it was still cool, upwards of 25-30 degrees cooler than Saturday. If all other things are equal the temperature increase should have slowed me to about 1:00 to 1:01. As it was I ran 1:04. Why the drop? Bad pacing. Purposely bad pacing, but bad pacing.

I ran a normal pace for the first 3-4 miles. I held up well over this distance, but found my hr creeping up pretty high. On the big climb that took me to the halfway point of the run, my heart hit my functional max (170bpm) and things started to come apart a little. The extra effort required to run at a pace derived in cooler temperatures was overheating my core. What you'll see in my Garmin file is that I can't get my hr to really come back down very quickly after I red line it. It'll drift down some, but no drop offs like I typically see after finishing a climb. Miles 4-6 in the "Player" view of the May file, plotting Elevation and Heart Rate, demonstrate this. So once the core is overheated and you're in the heat of the day, the only way to keep things together is to really back off the pace. Had I gone out more conservatively, odds are I come in faster than a 1:04, maybe closer to the 1:01, because I wouldn't have had to slow down as much to just keep from falling apart completely. So there are a couple of take aways here: 1) if you are training by pace, the pace shouldn't be what you've logged in the lovely spring training sessions, its that pace adjusted for the conditions. 2) Discretion is the better part of valor. You lose way more time if you blow up and have to slow, than if you just manage the pacing right from the beginning.

My biggest indicator of current "durability" is the ability to run the day after a hard workout. Indeed the hardest workout for me in Ironman training is ALWAYS the long run day following the long bike day. Running, even running somewhat long, on the same day as the bike never proves as difficult. While not incredibly long, the stress of the Saturday run qualified as a hard day. So I set out to try and recover, and attend a family function, and then run again Sunday. Sunday it was hot again, but I did a couple of things in my favor this time. 1st I pre-cooled my core by hanging in the pool for 20min or so before the run. 2nd I kept the run short (~4.4 miles). This file reads more like a normal run for me. As soon as I back off the effort, I see my heart rate come down fast. And I was pleasantly surprised by my ability to come back after being pretty gassed the day before.

So is there another take away here? For me the key to analyzing heart rate data is in the slope of the graph, not in the absolute numbers. Environment clearly plays a big part in these absolute numbers, but with a proper pacing approach even extreme circumstances can track in a normal fashion from the standpoint of the rate of heart rate change given a change in effort.

(My best example of this, which unfortunately comes before the Garmin days so there is no file, is the Mooseman Triathlon run in 2008. That day was hot, really hot. They measured 98-100 degrees on the road. On that day I ran with my head and despite really hating every minute of it, ran myself to an age group 3rd place. My running form was great that year and I was experiencing what I call "instantaneous heart rate response". I was able to move my heart rate up or down at any time with just minor variances in effort and really notice things like how much more quickly fluids cleared my gut at 154bpm as opposed to 158bpm (threshold rate).)

Relaxing is hard work

2010-07-19T06:44:00.003-04:00

I'm nursing more aches and pains now than when I'm seriously training. Sore shoulders, knees, you name it. Leanna's getting ready to trade me in for a newer model! Take yesterday for example, I injured myself picking up dinner. Okay there's a little more to the story than that, but sadly not much. I was walking in the door carrying our mexican take-out, and the next thing I was hitting the ground with all my weight on my left elbow. Hurt like a mother. Thought I would hurl. Turns out little "D" had turtled on the threshhold rather than walking right in. Because my hands were full I couldn't see him so down I went. He and Alexandra were upset to see Daddy writhing in pain on the floor. Alexandra brought me the blanket she uses for her dolls and Dylan brought me his Snoopy. All of this while I was still on the floor! Yes, the thought was very sweet.

I already had a minor, nagging issue related to an impingement in my right shoulder. And the ankle...can't forget about the ankle (too much fun in the sand!). Yeah, time for that mega-bottle of Advil from BJs and some focus on rehab. And no Leanna, you cannot hire the pool boy that looks like he's from "Twilight". We don't even have a pool!

So I think I want to race some sprint tris again. I used to be pretty good at these. I haven't actually raced anything shorter than an Olympic distance tri since 2003, and only a few of those. Since 2006 it's been almost exclusively 1/2 and full Ironman. Maybe it's from being bumped and bruised again and realizing that bumps and bruises aren't the end of the world, but I think it might do me some good to get right into the middle of some scrum in the water at a sprint tri and then bustin' ass on my bike and run.

You might have noticed a dearth of training data from me lately. Well I've been mostly training naked (minds out of the gutter please), which is to say w/o my Garmin or any other watch. I've just been focusing on pacing and feeling smooth without the mental stress of watchign crappy performance numbers come up because we're into week 3 or 4 of 90+ degree weather. No I'm not complaining about the weather, just making the point that one needs to provide some accommodation for performance when the weather is like this, and the best way for me to do that is to leave the watch.

I'm really going to miss LP this weekend. I raced there the last two years, the two best Ironman years of my life. Good luck friends.

(If you were looking for deep thought/philosophical musings, well sorry. I've got nothing right now.)

No baby no more.

2010-06-27T15:39:00.004-04:00

Alexandra and Dylan are the joys of my life, and if you've been a follower of this journal you already know that. This weekend took the experience to a new level, however. This was the first full weekend of summer and we celebrated in traditional style; two trips down the street to the Altantic Ocean. Both kids having been making great progress with their swimming this year. Private lessons have made a huge difference, especially for the occasionally anxious little girl named Alexandra. So with the water a reasonable 70 degrees and the surf only in the 1-3ft range, we let them boogie board w/o life jackets. I was never more than 10ft away, and we kept a fairly strict thigh deep rule.

The kids were full bore from the beginning. While Dylan wasn't quite getting the nuances of catching a wave (he is only 3 after all), Alexandra was figuring it out. She would position herself just at the break, and time her jump so she accelerated down the front. It was amazing watching her take waves all the way into shore. But the best moment came when I relaxed enough to "play" myself. I still kept an eye on them at all times, but Daddy was determined to have a little fun as well. After a couple warm ups to get my timing down, I laid out on a wave (body surfing) using my favorite "side stroke" technique. Over the years it has always provided me with the best glide and with my head out of the water, still a continuous view of my kids while they played. Well during the 3rd or 4th ride of the day, I looked and low and behold I had a companion on my wave. Alexandra had caught the same wave I had and was riding right next to me! It was awesome...

And as for "buddy", between riding the waves and chasing the seagulls, he still found time to make eyes at the ladies. Apparently coeds who attend Syracuse are his type!

(**Note: Alexandra also ran her brother over while on waves on numerous occasions this weekend. She "claims" they were "accidents...")

Kona or Bust?

2010-06-20T15:35:00.009-04:00

Going through one of those mini crises again. You see I have about one week to decide what I'm doing next year as far as racing. Why do I have to decide now? Well thanks to the wonder of Ironman, or should I say the marketing of Ironman, if you want to build a season plan which involves an M-Dot Ironman event (yes I know that is redundant), you pretty much have to have your mind made up 366 days before the event. That is because these events often sell out approximately 13 minutes and 34.3 seconds after registration opens.

So with no further delay, here is the list.

Option 1) Ironman Coeur D'Alene 2011 --> Kona 2011
Option 2) Ironman Lake Placid 2011 --> Kona 2011
Option 3) Ironman Louisville 2011 --> Kona 2011
Option 4) Ironman Wisconsin 2011 --> Kona 2012

I've never raced Coeur D'Alene and the travel logistics are a bit more difficult. Family would not be able to attend, but they aren't that excited about attending any next year, so maybe that is moot. The swim may be a bit cold, but not nearly as packed as Lake Placid. Lots of QT2 people will be there next year. Area looks really nice. One big enticement is the extra month to recover before rebuilding for Kona.

I know Lake Placid cold. I could race it in my sleep. I know the shifts on my bike. I know the sensations on the run. I could visualize this race 1000 times before race day. Family would probably attend, though that is not a given. Plenty of QT2 around. However, maybe a different course would be nice? And the swim is just plain rough. And based on recent history I don't start feeling myself again until early September which puts me almost into taper time for Kona. Getting into Lake Placid is the hardest of all, as I have to be in Lake Placid this year working as a volunteer even to have a chance to be there next year.

Louisville: 90-100 degrees, 100% humidity, almost no time to even recover before Kona. No family. No friends. Probably doesn't belong on the list at all.

Wisconsin: Qualifies for the following year in Kona making the ability to prep for a good race in Kona as optimal as it will get. Course profile actually suits me pretty well. However no family or friends and based on this year anyway, fewer qualifying spots for the big race. It is in September which is typically a good month for me speed-wise. As for the area, how much do I like cows?

And then there is option 5). Forget it all. No matter which path I pick this is going to be an expensive venture and there's no guarantee things will even work out.

So there it is. 8 days to figure it all out.

I'll have the ziti and fried chicken please!

2010-06-07T19:53:00.006-04:00

You think I'm kidding! The BHOP (aka the Bristol House of Pizza...but if you have to ask you aren't wooorthy...) served fried chicken strips with the ziti. I guess the grill was out of service. But the meal was on the team, so hey, I'll take 2nds!

Anyway, I digress. This was a good weekend, from a racing standpoint that is. Because what is life without drama, my weekend started with a giant question mark being thrown in front of me pertaining to whether or not I could even make the trip to New Hampshire. There was some question as recently as Friday whether or not I could get a rental car (we had a car being serviced...another story), which was a prerequisite to traveling. Long story short we did get one, a rock'n Dodge minivan, and logistically Mooseman was again a go. Now I somehow needed to clear my head and regain some focus. Easier said than done under the circumstances. You see more than anything I fear something happening at home and me not being there. Recent events had triggered that response again and I was struggling to put it behind me. Really until some bonding over fried chicken and pasta with some new friends, I was moving around in some sort of slightly out of phase reality. It was really bizarre. It's a good thing I've raced so much because I can setup a transition area without the use of higher brain function, and trust me there was none. However by the end of the day Saturday I was beginning to feel more grounded and once 4:15am rolled around on Sunday morning it was business as usual. Pop open that apple sauce baby!

The Race
I had heard much about the new Mooseman bike course. "Epic." "Hardest bike course of any race." "And the fast decent afterwards is scaaaary." Well I drove the course on Saturday afternoon and yes, by triathlon standards this was tougher than I had ever seen. It was more a a bike race hill as opposed to a triathlon hill. My teammate Custie even commented that perspective is a funny thing. We were decending "Devil's Hill", the big feature of the previous incarnation of the bike course, and it seemed like this meaningless little speck. You see the new feature was a 3 mile 1000ft vertical relative beast. And what goes up... Honestly what made the descent a bit intimidating to me was the fact that due to the condition of the pavement, it was difficult to pick a comfortable line. And it was raining. Oh lordy was it raining; from the start of the race to the end of the day...rain. But I am rambling again.

My strategy was to try to swim clean, meaning minimal contact and no extra distance due to poor navigation. I did not want to waste energy. I could bust a gut and be 90sec faster in the water but then I would just lose that again on the road. So conservation was the plan. I came out in a 34min even, which ironically put me in 34th place in my age group. Given my lack of any open water swimming or even real swim training this year, I took that smiling, albeit a soggy smile. I had an okay transition. I do a bit of extra stuff in T1 which is really for the run, like putting on socks, that I don't want to try in T2 when my back might be shot and my legs are threatening to cramp. It's also easier to recover from a bad transition at the beginning of the bike, because you haven't burned all the matches yet.

So I get out on the road and settle into a conservative pace. The bike plan was to keep it fairly mellow until the bottom of the big hill the 2nd time. This meant about 30miles of keeping it smooth. Lots of people were passing me during the run in to the hill the first time. At mile 7 the road kicked up. It would be that way for the next 3 miles. I passed all those people back and then some. The climbing legs were pretty darn good. I also found myself comfortable descending. The severity of the climb strung the field out so much there were no crowds, so picking a line was much easier. Also because of the USAT imposed speed zone on the descent, there were no yahoos trying to pass on the right at mach 2. The course flattened out at mile 35, which meant there were now 21 miles of flat and rolling (with one medium sized climb, 300ft vertical maybe?). This is where I struggled. I did not have the flat land power. I've been having some positional issues on my bike, but nothing to account for this. This was the first noticable deficiency in my physical toolkit related to the underwhelming training schedule. A block full of BSEs (basically repeats on the bike) plus a prior race or two in my legs, and I find the 15-20 watts that were missing. I got flat out schooled by the other people who also got over the climb in good shape. Combining the two laps I figure I conceded 5-10min almost entirely on the flats. However, by the end of the bike I had pulled myself up to 21st in the age group, and I had a run I knew very well in front of me. I could also tell I had pretty good legs.

The plan was to go out at 6:50 per mile. The fastest guys would go away from me, nothing to be done there, and the slow people (even those who could ride really quickly) would be crushed by that pace. That run was just about as steady and workman like a run as I've ever put together. With the exception of the 3rd leg (the run course is basically an out and back done twice, making 4 even legs) my splits were dead on. In fact the last 3+ miles were my fastest of the whole day. Just before the final turn-around my teammate Pam, who was going the other direction, challenged me to dig in and catch her before the end of the loop. At about 1/2 a mile to go I saw her bright yellow visor. I probably forgot to thank her for throwing down the gauntlet, but if you read this "Thanks Pam."

The run was 5th best in the age group and pulled me up to a 9th place finish out of 152 men 40-44. And you know, I'll take that smiling. If you really can fake a 1/2 Iron, well I just faked one! Actually I think it reinforced a misunderstood piece of the QT2 protocol (just because I'm in an off year from formal training for Ironman, doesn't mean I don't still drink the Kool-aid!). Volume is just one piece, and not even the most important piece, of the training. Sure my volume is waaay low this year, but my consistency is pretty good and my focus on restoration and nutrition has never been higher. As a result I'm healthier than I've been in more than 2 years. NO days missed to illness in a long time. I am also very nearly at my Lake Placid '09 race weight. My core strength is as good as it's ever been (thanks TRX!) and my swimming, cycling and running mechanics are good...well cycling and running anyway! Sunday just validated the importance of these "non-training" aspects of training.

Next race is in September at Pumpkinman. Again the plan is to be good, though probably not great, and feel strong and good. Until then it's all about the consistency, restoration, building strength, and taking care of the little things. Do all that and when it's time to up the volume in preparation for my 2011 "Kona or Bust" campaign, I should be good to go.

(Here are the numbers for the geeks)
Bike
Run

Right where I want to be...

2010-05-28T19:49:00.002-04:00

I went for a training ride/test today: 36miles on my bike followed by a 3.92 mile run. The race wheels and aero helmet made an appearance as well. And there was no restrictor plate! The last few weeks, especially last weekend, have given me a pretty good idea of how hard I can stress things and still keep the wheels rolling. Long story short I put in my fastest times of the year and confirmed what I already knew to be true; my form is good. Not great. Good. Last July it was great. But you know, here's the kicker; this was the plan for this year. I want good form but with low stress, and good balance in my life. That way when it's time to get serious again I'll be mentally and physically fresh but still pretty strong. And truth be known while I might not be as fit as last year, I'm healthier. My heart rates today were about 6 bpm higher than during the same workout done last July just before Lake Placid. So I have pretty much the same speed potential it just requires a bit more effort. Clearly I'm not Ironman fit, not by a lot, but I'm only racing a 1/2 next Sunday and I think I'll be good. Not great. Good. On the old Mooseman course I'd think I'm in the 4:35-4:40 area right now. We'll see how I fare on the new course. I'm pretty relaxed so I'm 100% sure I won't choke it away, but no predictions except a solid respectable day. Here's to faking my way through the Mooseman 70.3!

Today's workout:
Ride
Run

One other note, the rest of my life is pretty much where I want it to be as well. Today is my 16th wedding anniversary, in fact we've got the video playing right now. Damn I was young and everyone was waaaay skinnier than they are now (except Leanna and Me, we're good!). I set a goal for the year of contentment. As I cut the lawn today I felt it.

Friends don't let friends act like d-bags.

2010-05-18T06:32:00.005-04:00

I'm thinking about having bumper stickers made that say that. The thought came to me as a watched a semi tailgate a car and start weaving aggressively. It was ridiculous and scary. Though I was not directly in the middle of that moment, nonetheless I backed off a 1/4 mile just in case.

Started thinking about something else. Everyone is very quick to condemn the professional athlete/celebrity who does things demonstrably wrong, e.g. Tiger Woods. "Doesn't he know he's a role model?!" Now don't get me wrong. I'm not giving him/them quarter here. (That was not good Tiger. K.I.P. dude.) My point is more "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Maybe, "Physician heal thyself." "Start with the man in the mirror." Bottom line we are all quite possibly role models whether we know it or not, or honestly deserve it.

Years after I had finished coaching rowing, and moved to Rhode Island, I took a trip with Leanna to our old stomping grounds at the Dad Vail regatta in Philly. There I ran into a number of former rowers of mine but it was one in particular, one whose name I don't even recall, who said something I have not since forgotten. He reminded me of a cold and snowy February morning. We had a land practice, a run an such. A number of the kids, this individual included, showed up hungover or maybe still drunk and some a bit stoned. I was pissed. I did not drag my ass out of bed this early to deal with you losers. I then proceeded to drive them through the hardest set of hill repeats they had ever experienced. There was puke. There was quitting. There was payback (by me). As it turns out this moment was this person's "Ah ha" moment. He actually thanked me for what I had done to them and showed them. From that time he tried to live his life in a manner more like I was espousing. As a rower above all you respect your boat mates. An individual who shows up compromised is disrespecting his boat. Hell, in many ways it is better if the whole boat shows up loaded together.

Anyway, finding out years later you had a material impact on someone’s life, an impact of which you were not aware, is powerful stuff. His comments to me were my "Ah ha" moment. While the position of coach is one which by definition positions an individual to be an example, nonetheless for some reason you think you've only impacted those who were ultimately successful under you. My realization was that my "person" impacted not just those people I focused on. It impacted even those of whom I was possibly not aware. This is heavy stuff.

Some of you may be thinking "Oh, but I'm not anybody's role model." My point is you don't know that. My point is you are probably wrong. Especially with social media ("friends", "followers") the exposure of you and your message is at a level beyond what most people can even comprehend. People read what you write. People view what you post. And yes, someone probably thinks about what you would do, or at least about what your public persona would do, before acting.

So my message is this: Carry yourself as if you are a role model, because you probably are. Don't be a d-bag driving a semi.

3 weeks to go...but no goals

2010-05-16T15:56:00.002-04:00

Okay, that's not entirely true. My goal for my first and next to last race of the year is to be smooth and strong, execute well, and finish fast and smiling. I'm just not sweat'n my place in the overall or age group, because frankly I'm sure there are lots of fellow competitors putting in more work than I. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an out of shape bum who's going to clog the course with my big, hairy butt on a $10K bike. No I'm the skinny guy who will beat down the poseurs but probably be bested by those who take this stuff seriously. You see this year is my "off year." I'm keeping myself good but not stressing great. I'm focusing on fit and healthy, not just fit and trying to add a little strength and speed while I'm at it. Next year when I focus on Kona qualifying again, I'll make sure to beat down all comers.

So today I rode over distance and truth be known a little hard for a 72 mile ride. However, I held my paces the whole way, though my legs did crack in the last 10 miles. My lap times were about 30-45 sec per lap slower than two weeks ago, likely a combination of some wind from a difficult direction, tired legs because of the power work I focused on this last week, and poor nutrition...hell virtually non-existent nutrition; nothing like opening the cupboard the night before a ride and finding you are flat out of drink mix. By my calculation, the loss of my legs and cramping was due to the nutrition, the slowness the wind and work. Nonetheless I sit here feeling pretty good. Legs are tired, but not so tired that I can't run tomorrow. Oh and before I forget I did lay down a 5:48 T-run first mile after I dragged my sorry butt back in from the ride, so all in all I'll take it.

Next week I'm planning on the same ride, but with a longer T-run (42 minutes) after the ride. Pacing and nutrition will be what I plan to do at Mooseman which is what I did last year. The Mooseman course is much tougher this year so we'll see how I do. I'll append my Garmin data to this post later on, though there is no heart data as the strap battery died about 20 minutes in. I sort of expected that after the last couple of rides.

Exercise judgement

2010-05-09T15:31:00.004-04:00

Part of being a successful endurance athlete is displaying sound judgement when it comes to your racing, training, and of course family life. Today was one of those days. The designed workout was a 3hr or so ride in Connecticut hills, almost no flats just up or down, followed by a 4.5 mile T-run with the final mile hard. I was looking to recapture that feeling of draining the legs, and then really burying the finish of the run just as I like to do on race day. I rolled out at 5:45am. It was a little cool, and it was windy. However I had determined early in the week that I would ride well today, and I did not disappoint. Despite the crazy tree pollen I did the best climbing I've done in a long time. I had all the techniques going: seated, standing, mixed, high rpm, jamming on the sprinter's climbs. It's really nice doing these types of rides with my body weight down at 154.

As I hit the third from last climb of the day I checked my time. I was doing well. In fact I felt that I had earned a reward. Instead of the designed T-run, I would take advantage of my early return time and do a T-Shop instead! You see while I have gotten much better about getting the actual gifts on gift giving occasions, I still suck at remembering the other things that make the thought complete, like a card. So when I hit home I did a quick change into street clothes, grabbed the keys, and T-Shopped instead of T-Ran. In the end I felt much happier about my day (I also threw in a gift card because I felt guilty about riding at all on Mother's day!)

47 miles, a lot of vertical feet, a greeting card, and an LL Bean gift card all before 9:00am; now that's a good day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommies.

(Here's the ride: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/32705189)

Feel better

2010-05-08T08:26:00.006-04:00

Maybe you've heard it before, but it is true you don't know how good you can feel until you feel good. Maybe that's why there are so many miserable people around. Maybe they think this is as good as it gets. If they could just try to change, change possibly including sacrifice, for just a period of time and have faith that things can be better, maybe then they can feel better. But no, so many people seem to want guarantees before they believe something, before they'll try something different; "the devil you know..." and all that. Anyone know the story of the disciple Thomas? Or maybe they've tried change and been let down. It's so hard to get let yourself believe after you've been let down, but you must!

I'm getting preachy again, yes I am. But it's because my gut feels great...really great. Now you know I've taken my diet and health seriously for a long time, but nonetheless until recently (about a month) I didn't know I could feel better still. However I made a change and wow what a difference. No rocket science here, but the change worked. I went fairly strict with the core diet (I say fairly because there still need to be some concessions when raising kids...like ice cream!). I also supplement with soluble fiber (Benefiber) and magnesium citrate, as well as a probiotic. It's like there was inflammation in my gut and it's gone away. Any time I've slipped I've started feeling like c-r-a-p again, and when I'm back on the wagon let the good times roll. My workouts, especially the runs, are more comfortable. I feel the urge to pee less (I know you really needed to know that one!). In short I feel good. Diet is just one thing but it's a big thing. And once you start feeling better physically, maybe you'll see improvement in other aspects of your life.

Change can be hard, can require sacrifice, does require rewiring your brain. But change is a necessary part of the natural order. Can you really expect to do the same thing over and over and yet get different results? Make a change. Stick with it long enough to see a difference. Keep a journal so you can prove to yourself there really is a difference. Document not just your weight and how you feel physically, but what else is going on in your life. Look for the patterns. That diet of hotdogs and chips might be doing more than making you portly. And if things don't work out? Pick yourself up, and try a different change.

Only 5 weeks until Mooseman...crap.

2010-05-01T14:15:00.003-04:00

So I've suddenly gone from feeling good about where I stand, to concerned. Well not suddenly, April's been demanding, mostly because of the new job, so I suspected I wasn't that far ahead of things anymore. Nonetheless things are moving in the right direction, largely a product of my finally establishing something resembling a routine. Today I did exactly the same workout as last week, with the goal trying to reduce the effort a little and simultaneously minimize the loss of speed. All in all I did pretty well with that. On the ride I surrendered 51 seconds week over week (after 54 miles), but in return I got back 5 beats per minute or 780 beats of my heart (and I negative split the last lap...score!). Likewise on the run I was 13 seconds slower after 6.03 miles, but got back 6 beats per minute or an roughly an additional 250 beats. So for a cost of one minute and 4 seconds, I recovered ~1000 beats of my heart. That indicates my heart is strengthening and the stroke volume (the amount of blood moved by each beat) is increasing nicely. With only 5 weeks to go, though, we'll see how much improvement can be made.
The other key metric of mine is how rapidly my heart rate responds when exertion is removed or applied. Today it was moving nicely. I'd drive the rate up when climbing, but the moment the terrain flattened my heart rate dropped. Also this pattern was sustained for the entire ride. A very welcome sign.
There were a few mitigating factors to the drop in overall performance today, as well. I did not have any more gels packets, and instead made due with solely chews. Chews are okay, but they don't really give me the kick the way the gels do. Also the legs were tired. I ran Sachuest yesterday afternoon and they felt a little tapped. This was actually interesting (in a geeky kind of way) because the muscles that were tapped were those used to drive the bike hard on the flat roads. The second I started climbing load shifted to other muscles as well and I was very smooth. I actually did my best in the saddle climbing of the year today. I believe I have the TRX to thank for this. The ability to climb well in the saddle is a combination of strong legs and a very strong core to keep the body steady.
Next week I'm in Connecticut where I will be taking advantage of the longer hills to get some climb time in. In two weeks I will be back on the Sandy Point loop to get another assessment of my form. Until then the plan is just to train consistently.

One final note: Daddy athlete is back in full effect. I followed my workout today by refueling and then taking the kids to the pool for 90 minutes. I also cut the lawn. No naps. I swear this has been instrumental in the development of my "durability."

Sandy Point Ride (note the long transition resulted from coming back to the kids being on the deck painting. Can't be a good Daddy if I just take off for my run w/o checking out the portfolio!)
T-run Indian Ave to 2nd Beach

PS: Turns out being good for the long stuff is more important than one of my "bucket list" items; namely to win something overall one more time in my life. I had a golden opportunity to run and dominate a 5K near my house today, but turns out the longer session was more important to me after all. I guess it's time to drop that item from my list.

Perspective

2010-04-24T16:28:00.005-04:00

It's a funny thing, but the longer you do these things, the more "normal" becomes redefined. No I'm not talking about what other people view as normal (that shipped sailed LONG ago!), but what I view as normal. Today I logged 54 miles on the bike followed immediately by a 6 mile run. There was some breeze blowing so it was some work. And it was my longest workout of the year. There was a time when I would have considered this a HUGE workout, but today it seemed, if not short, at least not overly long. Very manageable. And while I definitely feel the effort, I also carried on with my normal weekend life (mow the lawn, go to BJs, etc...). Okay, the kids are with Grandma and Grandpa so it's not an entirely normal weekend. The point is, as much as kicking back and watching TV or taking a nap would definitely have been nice, it wasn't necessary. I just kept in motion and went about my day.

I consider my QT2 friends very normal, albeit in a very focused and disciplined way. I get it. I've done it. I'll do it again next year. I envy those going to Utah next week. I'm extremely excited to race Mooseman and then VOLUNTEER (!) at Lake Placid (also racing Pumpkinman). At first I planned to volunteer to help get a spot in next year's race, but I'm really starting to get jazzed for it. I've never had the opportunity to see that race through the eyes of the spectators. So many people who have seen it have said so many things about how it moved them, motivated them, etc... I'm excited to experience that too. That too is a new perspective, a new normal.

The last few years I've only raced two or three times a year (thus my lack of a USA Triathlon ranking), yet I consider myself a fairly serious athlete. People will ask me if I'm training for something, and while in a sense I am (hey IM Lake Placid 2011!), more and more the answer is no, I'm not training for anything in particular. I'm just doing this (training @5:00am) because that's what I do. It's normal to me.

Here are today's numbers. Tim would likely be horrified about how far above Z1 I've been training, but I'm just fooling around anyway! It's fun. I use my first lap as my pace lap and then set out to better that time on each subsequent lap. If I go out a bit hard like today (I haven't been on the road in 2 weeks so I was full of piss and vinegar), well it's going to be a hard day in the saddle because damn if I'll let the splits fade. (The laps were 52:02, 51:45, 51:38...the "plan" had been to average 54...whoops!)

Sandy Point Ride (3 laps)

Indian Ave to 2nd Beach T-Run

That mirror doesn't lie.

2010-04-17T17:18:00.006-04:00

I'm not talking about an actual mirror. I'm talking about a metaphorical mirror. I'm talking about our children. Today I was reminded of what is probably one of the biggest needs in combating the decline of our society's general health and initiative. The realization came as I stood waist deep in the pool with Alexandra and Dylan. The best way for kids to be healthy and happy is to let them do what they instinctively want to do. And what evolution has taught them to do is, here's the most important part, what they see you doing! No really, they will. Maybe not what you want them to do or make them do or yell at them to do, but seriously they will do what you do, good AND bad. And if we want our kids to be happy and healthy, let's get our collective asses off the couch, stop making excuses and just have a good time being active! If they see you honestly enjoying yourself, they will follow. If it is contrived, well kids also have built in bullshit meters. They won't be buying it.

So maybe kids don't need personal batting coaches, pitching coaches, soccer tutors, dance coaches, etc... to be happy and healthy. Maybe they don't need dieticians. Maybe they don't need more structure or discipline. Maybe YOU do! Maybe you just need to put down the "Double Down", get your own butt in gear, and find something you really enjoy doing and then do it! No excuses.

Worth a try, isn't it?

And as long as I'm up here on this soapbox, have you ever stopped to consider that not taking care of yourself amounts to one of those most selfish acts you can perform? Your family loves you. If you actively or passively forfeit years with them by not doing what it takes to try and remain healthy, well, that's hard to excuse.

I know I'm awfully preachy today, but before you judge me too harshly, know this: I will always lend whatever assistance I can to anyone who earnestly wants to learn to change, free of charge.

PS: Smile. :-)

Good workout

2010-04-17T10:00:00.004-04:00

I was happily surprised by my run this morning. On the surface it might not appear spectacular, good, but it's nothing I haven't done already this year. Except for one thing: today I did my 10 mile run coming off the bike. Because of the wetness outside I road my trainer for the bike, but a good honest ride, if not overly long, it was. No slacking like some mornings. I drove my heart into zone and kept it there. It took some strong coffee, caffeinated gel, and sports drink to get the heart going, but I did! 75min later my legs felt sufficiently softened up, so I switched to run gear, strapped on the Garmin, and went out in to the damp mid-40s weather we're having. 1:08:50 later I was done.

I'm sitting here feeling very relaxed and not all that taxed. It's good to realize I'm making progress even when things get all foobar like they did last week. Next week the kids are staying with Grandma and Grandpa so I plan to log my first extended workout of the year. It'll give me an idea where I stand from an endurance standpoint, and thus give me the baseline I need to set a couple of goals for the year.

Today's run: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/30291953

On a side note, I'm a recent convert to Nike Free. I'd been pretty skeptical, but on a recent trip to Boston stopped by Niketown and tried on the 5.0 and the 7.0. The 7.0 wrapped my foot so well it was like I had finally found the shoes that were designed for my foot. I've run in them twice and had no issues. I also have not felt so smooth on the road in, well I don't know when. And I've been able to run w/o my orthotics for the first time since 2006. They are so incredibly stable on my foot, a product of the fit as well as the sole, that I have great confidence for the first time on all surfaces. It was a very pleasant surprise.

One of those days

2010-04-10T12:46:00.003-04:00

Maybe it was the lack of sleep all week. Maybe it was lingering fatigue from the Daddy and daughter dance. Maybe I was still dehydrated from yesterday's treadmill run. Maybe I was just plain weak from 4 days w/Norovirus earlier in the week. Maybe it was the crazy WNW wind blowing. Whatever it was, I just didn't have any punch today. Worst numbers since late February. But you know what? The primary cause just doesn't matter. It doesn't. None of those potential issues can be allowed to continue (well except the wind. no say in that one!), so in a sense it doesn't matter which one had the greatest impact. They all need to go.

In retrospect it's actually an interesting workout to analyze, interesting to me that is. No, not the numbers; outlier crap not worth keeping there. No, the interesting part is what was going through my head. That's why I'm writing this, actually.

I started at 6:00am and was in a fog for the next 3 hours. I knew last night I was going to be in a fog, but knowing it will happen and living it are two different things. What I did notice in that fog was that I didn't really feel slow. I felt normal. However the watch seemed to be running really, really fast! Intriguing. There were no stomach issues like last week, but there was no power on the hills either. I might actually take the hurling if it got me an extra 75 watts. As I saw the clocking running well past my previous benchmark times for this course I considered the impact of not being able to eat or retain much food for 4 days. Probably not good. I managed to hold the weight loss to 3 1/2 lbs, but I have a feeling there was some muscle in that 3 1/2 lbs. Following along this line of thinking then had me consider what I feel is the single greatest tenant of the QT2 protocol: consistency. Today was living proof. Little things, little cheats, little issues here and there can quickly add up and before you know it in one week you've regressed 4 weeks. Depending on what ultimately proves to have been the biggest contributing factor the rebound could well be less than 4 weeks, but nonetheless it will take time just to be where I was 8 days ago. If this pattern is born out across a year it's not hard to see how some athletes who "train really hard" still never improve.

I'm very experienced when it comes to this stuff. At least I have that going for me. I knew right away that I was paying the price for all those missteps. Call it athletic karma. However the real goal of the day was the volume anyway, not pace, so I just dialed it back a tick and did my full workout. I know too many people who would whine about being on a bad day, turn it in early and claim they didn't want to overdo it. Their body was telling them to rest. My body was telling me to stop being an idiot and take care of it. That begins be rebuilding my durability, which begins by putting in my volume at a manageable pace TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not Monday.

I do not have any physical ailments, I'm just tired and weak. The time to rebuild is now.

PS: The TRX experiment begins tomorrow. It's all part of "Operation Underwear Model." I'm seriously considering before and after pictures!

Kick'n it old school!

2010-04-09T22:08:00.004-04:00

Dad's of daughters have a very common bond; we are not cool. There was not an ounce of cool, rhythm or coordination to be found. But you know what? Nobody cared. The mom's were all left at home so none of us had to endure ridicule of our dance stylings, and the girls were all under 10, so they were not mortified. I gotta tell you, our schools just are not getting the job done with education. Did you know not ONE kid knew how to do the electric slide? I was the macarena expert. And hey, nooobody does hammer-time like me! Some girl was trying to moonwalk...step off little sister. This is only for the fly muthas!

Seriously though, most of the night was like recess in dress clothes. Girls running. Girls screaming, that shrill, high pitched, make the coyotes cringe girlie scream. At one point even Alexandra had had enough. "It's too loud in there." And just when I thought we were heading home early, a friend of hers found her. And then another. And then they went to the bathroom. And then another girl went into the bathroom. And still more. And none came out. 5 minutes pass; 4 more girls in...none out. My daddy anxieties are flying now, "Maybe something happened. Maybe she had an accident and they're all staring and laughing at her. Maybe I should go in." And then "Cotton Eye Joe" starts playing and it's like someone announced free autographs from Nick Jonas. The ENTIRE posse comes cruising out of the restroom, Alexandra in the lead. Commence screaming. Unlike the electric slide, most of the girls had an idea about this dance. Next up was a set of Mylie Cyrus and a bunch of the girls got up on stage and started singing along to "Party in the USA." Alexandra was just jumping around with her 1st grade friends (she's in kindergarten). And the Dads? Well we did what Dads do. Hell we did what we've all done since co-ed dances in 5th grade. We sat or stood against the walls! Once Alexandra was cranked up again, she danced to everything, even Neil Diamond (which of course brought all the Dads out like it was the 8th inning at Fenway). Then it was Hammer-time! (Can't touch this...) Wish I had my parachute pants!

The dancing ended about the same time this odor arose in the gym. Little girls everywhere started holding their noses. Shoes were checked. Bummies surreptitiously sniffed. It smelled like someone had taken a dump right in the middle of the floor. And in the midst of this they raffled off the center pieces and assorted lovely parting gifts. We didn't win anything, but in the final assessment we made it home incident free. That's like the grand prize!

I don't know what it was, maybe the setting with a dance in the school gym, but I couldn't get the book/movie "Carrie" out of my head. It's a damn good thing all the kids were under 10 and there weren't boys involved. I can't imagine what it would be like with gender issues and hormones in play.

Oh wait, I can...

Good and Bad

2010-04-03T10:56:00.003-04:00

This weather is beautiful, especially after the rains and floods from the beginning of the week. So there was no way I wasn't bringing my bike with me to CT for Easter. This was the perfect opportunity to get in my first ride of the year with some real climbing. The plan was to ride for about 2 1/2 hours, knock down 3500ft of climbing, and then do a 4.5 mile t-run. That was the plan anyway.

I woke of this morning and the only way to describe how I felt is "off." Nothing about breakfast seemed appealing. Nonetheless I choked down some sports drink, a power bar, and a little coffee. Fairly typical fare for me; nothing new. I set out at about 6:30am hoping I'd start to feel better, and alas I did somewhat. Not great, but better. Then I hit the first climb and WOW! My legs were outstanding. Really outstanding. Late June outstanding. Then I crested the first climb ready for a good ride and, whoops, up came the sports drink, power bar, coffee, etc... Not just a little, but all of it. From that point on I couldn't even hold down a gel. However the legs felt great so I opted to only shorten the ride by a little (removed one long climb) and just ride low Z1. Even without feeding I could manage that. You see it was just my stomach feeling off. Everything else was awesome, well, except my hands. I forgot my gloves. I finished the ride and opted to hold off on the run. If I feel better as the day progresses I can always throw it in. If not, no big loss; I'm running pretty well.

So I have mixed feelings about the day. Bummed I couldn't really go for it on a great day, but very excited about how strong I was. In the long run that's the more important thing anyway.

Cheers everyone,

Joel

PS: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/28798753
PPS: I so hate uptight drivers when I'm riding!

Heard at my house

2010-03-28T06:51:00.001-04:00

"No Dylan. Stop touching daddy's toothbrush and wash your hands."

I know what he gets on his hands, especially when in the bathroom. Time for a new toothbrush.

Unexpected byproduct of parenthood

2010-03-26T20:16:00.003-04:00

I never thought parenthood would have precisely the effect on me that it has. Sure I knew it would be life changing, but I never imagined it would be responsible for me sitting here watching "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" and getting really upset. The state of school "hot lunch" is beyond appalling. Alexandra doesn't eat it. Alexandra doesn't want to eat it. That makes me very happy. Other kids do eat it and want to eat it, and that upsets me. People just don't know, they don't understand. A few weeks back I was in CVS picking up some scripts for Leanna and a very obese person sat on (by "on" I mean on top of because she couldn't sit "in", between the armrests) the chair. I turned and my haw dropped. She couldn't have been more than 12. It really upsets me. Before being a parent I would have been disgusted. Now I just want to help make it better.

I'm so proud of my kids because they seem to be getting the message. Dylan likes his sweets a bit too much, but they love fruit. They insist on yogurt. They love raw carrots. They eat fish and don't really like fries. They avoid "brown" food. Color is great. More Strawberries and Blueberries!! They love running and playing outside. Alexandra keeps asking me when she will be old enough to run with me. We already run together at the track.

Today I got one of the best things I've ever read in my whole life. It was on Alexandra's report card: "Alexandra has blossomed into a lovely young lady and a confident learner...Alexandra has become a wonderful multiage role model!"

I have seen the enemy...

2010-03-20T16:31:00.005-04:00

...and yes he really is me (us).

A week down at my new job, and time to reflect. There are a lot of different, odd, annoying things but in the final assessment the only true issues are those I'm creating myself. I need to deprogram myself; stop driving...driving...driving. Relax, everything will be fine.

It did suck missing a few training days this week, but slowly I'm seeing the potential for a routine. I was so busy focusing on the fact that my new building wasn't in the greatest area for running (though a great bike path is nearby), I missed the fact that I can actually bring my bike to work and ride at lunch again. I haven't done that since I worked at APC, and really missed it. And my building has treadmills (seldom used by the look of my co-workers!), and stationary bikes, and showers.

It's also taking a bit of time to get used to being "disconnected." I don't have access to Twitter, Facebook, even my Gmail account while at work, not even on my bank issued Blackberry. It's all Citizens, all the time. **side note: me thinks this Blackberry will spend quite a bit of time in the off position!** I haven't been this disconnected in a few years. Know what I noticed? I noticed that I didn't have to think about work, not even for a second from the moment I stepped out of the building yesterday afternoon. Sweet! People think of higher ed as relaxed, and while that may be true, Brown has this unfortunate "second city" mentality. They want so dearly to do what Harvard, Yale, Princeton, or MIT do that they miss what is truly special about Brown. Up on college hill there really are some very smart, good people too. The result is they try to do as much or more than their peers with far fewer resources. It shows in the faces of the people who try to succeed even when the deck is stacked against them.

But I digress. I got out for a "training" session today. Training is in quotes because it definitely did not fit the QT2 protocol, unless of course this was a mock race week. But there are times where I love, no need the mock race. Yes it means I'm probably training my anaerobic system more than I should and my aerobic system less, but you know there's nothing like it for mood control. 90 minutes going hard on the bike followed by some max effort running is one of the best ways I know to quell that "smelling blood wanting to rip your head off" sensation!

Random notes:

I'm entered in two races this year: Mooseman (June) and Pumpkinman (September), both 1/2 Ironman distance.
I'll probably race the Wrentham Duathlon in April.
I still need a pool but have a few prospects.
My daughter is indeed 6 today.
I'll be 44 in 3 days. :-0
I weigh 155lbs now. Strength and health are good.
My Facebook friends now include people from St. Edmunds, kids and Dads! I got an invite from Isaac Harper and honestly wasn't sure who that was. Now if he had identified himself as "Mr. Harper"... :-) After all, all the Dads were "Mr."
Related note, it's weird being called "Mr. Kehm". That's my dad people!
Alexandra got roller skates for her birthday. "Skateaway" is now playing in my head.
Somewhere along the line I passed another bonding milestone with Dylan. He really is "my best little buddy."
Leanna is doing more and more each day. While she doesn't always seem to notice this, I do and it makes me happy. Long journey left, but already miles under her belt.

I'm feelin' it

2010-03-12T20:50:00.005-05:00

I've managed to get the bike on the road outdoors twice now(v. short rides, 18 miles each). The first time was perfect weather, not wind and the surprise of surprises was how good I felt. The power was there. The handling was there. It was the most comfortable I've been on an early season road ride. And the pace was something equal to what I was putting up in June of last year. Actually it seemed too good to be true.

Today I road again to validate that feeling. It was windy and noticeably cooler. Despite having a max speed 4mph slower than the first ride, I finished the loop 4sec faster with an avg HR 3 bpm slower. I also followed this up with 6 miles of 7:07/mile running 3 bpm below my Z1 top (also late May pace).

Can't deny it anymore. Staying healthy in February made a big difference. So have those periodic very hard first mile T-runs. Last year I had some issues using all of my potential. Legs would blow (or seemed to, maybe it was my head) before I pushed my heart to the top. I jokingly referred to this as bouts of "vaginitis." The miles have cured that.

Looking forward to race season.

Sandy Point: March 12
Sandy Point: March 8

You do the math...

2010-03-07T10:21:00.004-05:00

Today I ran the same loop I did Feb. 19th. A couple things have changed in my life since then: I'm getting ready to start a new job, and Leanna's surgery is in the rear-view mirror. In short today I was faster at a lower effort.

(the splits were taken at the same points. today I did not leave the timer on for the warm-down.)

Feb. 19th: http://connect.garmin.com/splits/25060377
Mar. 7th: http://connect.garmin.com/splits/26333682

Feels good. (the warm weather was nice too!)

Good to be home (and other randomness)

2010-03-05T18:32:00.004-05:00

Under other circumstances, that could have been a very nice little getaway to Boston. The hotel was reasonable, if very standard. But hell, you only sleep in the room anyway and it was big and comfortable. There were a ton of places to eat right there. And we were right on the green line, so an easy hit into town if we wanted.

The kids are at dinner with Grandma and Grandpa, two people who stepped up really well for us, and Leanna is safely tucked away in the bedroom. I'm obviously here typing away. I'm taking this opportunity to de-stress a little and knock down some (a lot actually) Cabernet. I didn't sleep. Not well anyway. Instead I read a vampire book and looked every bit the part by this morning. Forget someone assaulting me as I ran back to the room late at night. I likely scared the sh-t out of most people. I don't think of myself as the least bit scary or intimidating, but then I looked in the mirror this morning!

The procedure went really well and we have real reason to be hopeful. I love our surgeon. She is confident, bordering on cocky. And you know what? When you've got something like this to be done that's EXACTLY the person you want. I don't want some schmuck telling me how everything has risk and anything can happen even if the odds are long. I want the "my sh-t doesn't stink I'll call you and tell you how great I was when I break scrub" person every time. And she liked metaphors (as do I): "The fibroid was massive. Like the size of a Whopper. And I got the whole thing. It was easy." Confident and easy to understand; a good combination.

Final random thought here: I was in CVS getting Leanna's prescriptions filled and I stuck my arm into one of those "blood and pulse" machines while I waited. Suddenly I had visions of "Dawn of the Dead". The damn thing grabbed hold of me and didn't let go for minutes. Holy cr-p people, you can let the air out a little faster! No wonder it has warnings all over it about bruising and the potential to maim small children. Anyway I tested out at 109/60 and 48bpm to go with my 157lb body weight. It does make me wonder what my pulse is while I sleep. I might wear the monitor overnight tonight to see what it records.

**PS: The phrase of the week was: this (insert activity here) was NOT in the wedding vows!**

Moving forward

2010-03-04T13:13:00.005-05:00

I always feel faster in the dark. I know it's because of the limited range of vision makes objects seem to move from the limit of my sight to the foreground that much faster. Still it's cool. I ran last night; just a one mile effort up Longwood Ave from Brookline Ave to Harvard St. I felt a little guilty because I told Leanna I wouldn't go back to the hotel on foot, but there were no cabs, there was plenty of light, and it was sooo close. Even going uphill carrying my book and in street clothes I made it in 7 minutes. That's been my "workout" the last couple of days: repeats up and down Longwood from BIDMC to the Courtyard Marriott in Brookline. And I'm feeling good.

A strange thing happened yesterday after the surgery, my habits changed. It was subtle, I didn't really notice until today, but I stopped eating comfort food. Today for lunch instead of going to the Longwood Galleria Foodcourt (*yuck*), I did my repeat to Harvard St, right to Trader Joes. And I had this overwhelming desire to buy...fruit! Apples and bananas. And no hamburgers for lunch, but sushi instead! And okay I picked up a bottle of red wine to drink in the room... :-)

Leanna has been amazing through this. She's really tough and doesn't give herself credit for such. She's been mostly refusing her pain meds. I tried to tell her there were no bonus points if you toughed it out, but she wasn't buying it. Today I gave her my 2009 IMLP Finisher medal because she deserves it after all she's been through. Because she's not a triathlete the gesture doesn't have quite the significance to her that is does to me, but others will get it and I want everyone to know just what she's made of.

So what's the great revelation I had? My body is getting me (and itself) ready to race for real again, that's what is happening. My diet is cleaning up and my focus is returning. I think I've dropped a pound or 2 already. I may not race a ton this year, but I think I'll represent pretty well. Hopefully I'll get into the races I want (I think I'll be entering when I get home this weekend, Mooseman and Pumpkinman). And God willing, my family will be with me at those races.

Putting these skills to work

2010-03-01T21:40:00.003-05:00

Not all of the skills you develop training and racing Ironman are just for use in Ironman. Many are life skills; patience, calm, live in the moment but keep an eye on the prize. I have not entered any races yet this year because I can't see past this Wednesday. I'm accompanying Leanna to Boston while she undergoes a surgical procedure. It should be "routine" but nonetheless it will be the longest few hours of my life. This has been a really long road.

God willing I'll be entering races soon, but for now I need to focus on this moment.

Two out of three ain't bad

2010-02-20T13:26:00.006-05:00

Let me share an e-mail conversation with Tim following my near miss in Lake Placid:

> On Jul 31, 2009, at 10:47 PM, "Joel"
> wrote:
>
>> I'm fine. Still bummed. Based on a deal I had with Leanna I'm not
>> racing a full distance event next year, so I'm going to be stewing
>> over the 105 seconds for 2 years. Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy
>> with my race. It's just that sometimes Lady Luck is a cruel mistress.
>>
>> So in reaction to all that has gone on, I might end up getting a new
>> job, moving, and buying a minivan.

> From: Tim
> Sent: Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:21 AM
> To: Joel
> Subject: Re: Got your text
>
> Moving? Where?
> A new job?

From: Tim
Date: Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 8:21 AM
Subject: Re: Got your text
To: Joel

All because of 105 seconds?

I went on to explain that it wasn't the 105 seconds that were the cause, more that they underscored a number of issues in my life that had been festering for a while and needed to be resolved. If you follow the blog, you know I bought the minivan a few weeks after this conversation with Tim. And as of yesterday I have a new job. Yes I'm done w/Brown and am moving on. I'm likely starting March 15th. In the end it's nothing I even had to think about. I need to take care of my family and my new job allows me to do so. Finally, taking this job means I'll remain a resident of Rhode Island a while longer, so no move for now. I'm good with that. Yes there are a lot of things that bother me, like the availability of quality healthcare, but Boston is not all that far away, and there is the ocean. Don't underestimate how important this is to me and my family. Remember my post "Come run with me" ?

So now that I no longer have to worry about the job, at least for a little while :-) , I have a new problem: I need to find a new pool!

----------
From: Joel
Date: Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 8:35 AM
Subject: Re: Got your text
To: Tim
I was very frustrated on race day because I knew I was going to be below my potential. That said I am very satisfied with my race. Given all that went on in the weeks leading up to race day, I had my best Ironman ever even in terms of execution. And I did so with family on site which hopefully will end the perception for me and them that they are a draw down on my energy.

So again, I'm not making all of these changes because of the 105 seconds. These are changes that really need to be made anyway, at least the job change is. The 105 seconds is just a bitter reminder of this fact.

Kona 2011. You heard it here first.

Just an update

2010-02-17T05:36:00.004-05:00

Nothing exciting to write about; no deep thoughts. Just a moment to relate that which currently is. Training's been going well. I haven't been doing anything too long, but I'm getting consistent reps in. I'm running pretty well, especially off the bike. The shorter crank on my bike feels very good, and I've managed to stay healthy so far this month, which given my track record is really something. The plan had been to run the 10k in Hyannis on the 28th, but now that is not in the cards. Family matters take priority. The plan was to see if I could finally break a 6:00/mile avg for a distance greater than 5 miles. It's another one of those milestones which I've never actually accomplished in my life. I had more raw speed in high school, but couldn't really do much of note longer than 5k. Later on as my endurance improved and I started to develop my sense of pacing, well, I no longer had speed. In fact until I "broke through" and went 6:05/mile at the Chafee 10k in March '08 and then again in December I was pretty much constrained to 6:11 and slower efforts. True I never really focused on the distance, but nonetheless it was frustrating to feel I should probably be able to do it, and couldn't. After running 6:03/mile for 5 miles ~4 weeks ago, on a hilly course no less, staying healthy and training, I feel I'm ready to break that barrier. The typical one mile hard I do after my trainer work is now routinely in the low 5:30s. Now I just need to find a race.
More than the running, I'm going to miss seeing my QT2 friends at Hyannis. Many are starting their seasons in earnest in a matter of weeks and while we've kept in touch electronically, I haven't really seen anybody since Lake Placid last year. Hard to believe it's been as long as it has. Well peeps, I'll be with you in spirit if not in body.
Bring it.

Addition by subtraction

2010-02-02T06:24:00.005-05:00

The theme for this year is my journey towards contentment. Hell that's probably the theme for the rest of my life. Some days it seems closer than others. After reading about a different approach to goal setting, listing those things you don't need as opposed to what you do need to achieve your goal, I thought I'd overlay that technique here and see what I've got. The idea is to combat our natural tendency as humans to overcomplicate things. All too often things which actually are not that important sneak in with those that are, diluting focus on the important items and creating stress and discontent because of the sheer mass of things which one has to consider. Life becomes shades of gray instead of black and white.

Here are some of my goals:
1) Qualify for Ironman Hawaii. What I don't need to get there: a new bike. I put this first because among my many flaws, envy rates pretty high. I need to exert extra control to keep this one at bay, especially knowing that had I the means to buy a high end bike (and been able to justify the expenditure to myself) , I may well have qualified this last year. However I don't need the bike because the goal is really about what I can do with my natural gifts. No piece of carbon, however sleek and beautiful, has any bearing on the proper expression of my gifts and thus my person.

2) Be a better parent. What I don't need to get there: win every fight with my kids. I'm goal oriented, a perfectionist. I make a living delivering "the single version of the truth." I'm known for standing my ground or driving my agenda; the irresistible force. Even parenting advice revolves around "you're the adult, they are the child." Well hell sometimes being the adult means showing your child that winning at all costs is not necessarily the objective. I'm starting to back off on my son. I admit to being overly hard on him at times (learned behavior I believe). Last night I had the coolest experience: we were watching "the Worst Cook in America" on Food Network, and he just snuggled up and fell asleep on me. Now THAT's a win!

3) Be important. What I don't need to get there: I don't need to be a senior executive or a highly paid consultant. I don't need to be anything other than who I truly am. I'm not a manager. I'm a doer, perhaps leader, perhaps visionary (in my field). People do listen to me. That's enough. Hell that's a lot! There is no "CIO" in my future. No Vice President or President. It's just me. My professional life does not define my value as a person.

4) Be a better husband. What I don't need to get there: win every fight with my wife. Remind her that I'm always there; don't just assume she knows.

A friend described for me a different way of thinking about strengths and weaknesses. Strengths are those things which leave you feeling better about yourself, and weakness are those that leave you feeling worse. So the common thread to the things I need to leave behind is to eliminate weakness. I accept my life because envy, jealousy, regret, control, etc... make me weak. I will focus my career goals on doing, on leading by example, because "managing" makes me feel weak. I will not permit negative statements by others to influence my sense of self, because their statements say far more about them than me, and stressing about what they say makes me weak. Hey, who except for a handful of people even really knows me?

Finally, I will not not forget to let those I love know that I love them. Forgetting makes me weak. Reminding them makes me strong.

Curious about how others are adding by subtracting? Try this link.

Combating that lonely time of year

2010-01-30T07:04:00.005-05:00

*If you're hoping this post is a "how to" guide on combating SAD, I'm sorry it is not.*

I've always struggled with these next 6 weeks of winter. The novelty of the cold has worn off. There are no holidays from work in sight. Days are short. Races seem far off. It's so easy to miss a workout here and there and rationalize that it's no big deal. And it seems every year I get sick for the first 2 1/2 weeks of February (last year was even longer).

In college and later as a rowing coach the group suffering associated with being connected to a team helped quite a bit. We were still absolutely desperate to hit the water as soon as the ice broke in March, but winter training was at least survivable. The image of being in the weight room doing circuits with my mates and having "Lean on me" playing is something that will never fade. As an older, individual athlete the dank cold training location still exists (my cellar), but the camaraderie is gone. It makes each day really hard. As a member of a team you were always concerned with being the weak link; letting down your "boat."

Now there's nobody to let down but myself. I employ a good deal of self-criticism to feel the "pressure" to do the work, but this self-criticism is a very very slippery slope. It doesn't take much for "the voice" to become an unrelenting task master which forces me to do things my body can't handle, and chastise me for my shortcomings. Clearly I haven't found the magic formula for dealing with this. Once again being associated with a team is helping. We may not workout together, but the "support group" aspect of things is invaluable. Variety is also key: I'm getting my in-line skates out again this year. Ice skating with the kids is great. Get those rest days; one extra per week, but never more than that or the lethargy seeps in. And when I have to choose, hit my number of workouts in a week rather than go too long. When I'm too overtaxed the bad thoughts creep in and my health goes down that much faster.

Winter training is so key to racing success. If I can stay healthy this year I expect to be moving well this year. Hyannis, just the 10k, is in 4 weeks. If I'm snot and cough free until then I should make it to spring.

*Good luck to my buds riding the Harpoon Indoor TT, presented by Fast:Splits today. I'd love to be there riding it, but then again I'd probably hurt myself.*

Winter Wonderland 5 miler

2010-01-24T20:49:00.004-05:00

I had a good time today. About 2 days ago I decided that rather than doing mile repeats by my in-laws house in CT, I would look for a race. And there it was, about 15min away; the Winter Wonderland 5 miler. Perfect. I had no real expectations going in. I've been healthy and training consistently for about 2 weeks now, so things are beginning to gel. Given this I figured I'd set my goal to be matching my pace from the 10k in Newport in early December. That day I pulled off a 6:05 (and yacked 3 times!). Long story short: I ran 6:03 today on a much tougher course, and did not yack! I figure I left some time out there, but I doubt enough to have broken 30min.

The race was old school: no electronic timing, no aid stations, no coddling of any sort. Finishers did not get a medal. Instead we got a loaf (2 if you asked) of olive oil ciabatta bread! And soup. Looked like split pea (I passed). For the results board, there was no computer print out. Rather the pull tabs from our numbers were taped to a big piece of poster board with hand written numbers (your place and time) on it. Very nice. The first 1.5 miles were downhill, which had me ever so slightly concerned that this one was going to hurt. What goes down must go up! So I stayed very conservative and then kept what felt like a very consistent effort all day. I could have sprinted it out with a couple of guys and maybe grabbed 2 more places, but I didn't feel like hurling in the finish chute today, and that would have been a certainty. My race stats are here.

In the final assessment I didn't kill myself today. I ran hard and consistent and got out of it everything I wanted. I placed 11th overall, and 5th in my age group. Yes 5th. The old guys owned the top of the results. There were more than a few high school cross-country runners as well. Seemed like some fast Dads were running with their fast sons. Kinda cool.

Funny note: I thought I had lost my car keys just before the race, checked with the race officials and everything, but then I noticed a "lump" in the knee of my tights.

What a day!

2010-01-20T19:53:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was one of those days athletes long for. Funny it didn't seem like that was going to be the case; Leanna was sick and Dylan had an appointment to get his hearing checked, so I had to call off from work on short notice. (Dylan's been having some difficulties hearing, but the Dr. gave us a protocol to follow to potentially help the "mechanical" function of the ear drum.) However, both kids were in school in the morning, I was picking up Dylan at 1:00pm for his appointment, and Leanna was doing okay at home. I was able to mostly juggle my work duties to other days, and handle anything I couldn't juggle with phone calls. This created the really unexpected circumstance of completely available, guilt free training time.

I can't tell you how long it has been since I had a session like this. In early January I had a "transcendent" training experience when I finally got my body moving and pulse elevated after illness. That experience was very primal. It stimulated those low level, animal instinctual, deep recesses of the body and soul. Yesterday it was the high brain functions that got some love. I was powerful and smooth on the bike. My run was fast, smooth and effortless. Despite hitting some really respectable paces on the 1st mile of the run (5:12max, 5:38avg), my heart never cracked 160bpm. That never happens. My paces were comparable with late May early June of last year. It felt sooooo great. I understand that it is unlikely to happen again soon, because physically I doubt I've "popped" yet this year (usually happens in early-mid March), but I'll take it. Focus is still on doing the right activities at the right intensities and being consistent. The goods will be there when I need them. However this sneak peek was very welcome.

These successes really carry over to the rest of my life. By making gains in one area of my life, in this case athletics, I can devote more energy to to others. I've been very calm today, despite craziness at work. And because the calm allows me to not be self-absorbed, I was attentive when Dylan said for the first time in 2 months, "Daddy, that (coffee grinder) is really loud!" I almost cried.

So how's that training going anyway?

2010-01-16T12:02:00.003-05:00

With all of these "other" and "reflection" posts some might be led to believe that I'm not "training." While it is true I don't have specific goals in mind for this year, it doesn't mean I'm not active. Hey, it's what I do. Keeps me sane and all that.

If you remember waaaayyy back in October I mentioned that I was going to try a different off-season routine. It was predicated on keeping the number of training sessions up, but duration way down. The focus was on things that I normally don't develop until the build phase. I thought "what if I keep functional strength higher and lactate tolerance up as well?" Well, the expected happened and that is that my durability, loosely defined as the amount of time I can maintain a certain effort at a certain level of exertion, declined. But that was expected and welcome because physiologically I seem to be able to rebuild durability much faster than strength. So here I am in mid-January and now that I've shaken the darn cold, I've been able to string together some workouts and get an idea of where things stand. Amazingly things are about where they should be. Sure durability is down, but with the return of consistent training it seems to be coming back well. Functional strength is up. How do I know? Well last year the data that indicated a tip towards greater functional strength as seen on the bike was as follows: higher max heart rates because there was more muscle available to work. In other words I'm not strength limited, or as strength limited as I was, so I can use a greater percentage of my available heart capacity. I'm seeing that effect running this year. I've hit max heart rates of 170bpm on numerous occasions this month. It was June last year before I even hit 169.

So signs point to a better ability to use what I have. The trick now is to rebuild the durability. Potential is one thing, execution another. Next weekend I plan to repeat the same set of one mile tests that I did last year on the same weekend. I'll be interested to see how they stack up.

Cheers.

Spirituality made easy

2010-01-14T19:44:00.005-05:00

Wow, already 11 days since I last posted. I've had so many ideas in the interim, but of course now that I have time I'm drawing a blank, well almost a blank. Let's call it a sort of off-white, perhaps bone colored mental state.

I've considered spending a little time on how I arrived at my current state of spirituality and belief, but I'm not in the mood. It means reliving my childhood (son of a minister) and high school and who really wants to do that again! Instead we'll proceed from the end. I've come to believe that in essence all human behavior can be categorized in one of two buckets: You're being a d-bag or you're not being a d-bag. In fact I'm almost positive during the sermon on the mount Jesus said, "blessed are the meek because they aren't d-bags." Look it up...really! Yeah I could be wrong about the exact wording (my people were in the back row, so it was hard to hear), but that's kind of the gist of it. This concept of not being a d-bag also transcends all religion. It's really the core principal of all faith. Don't be a d-bag. If we'd all just focus on that, and worry less about the minutia, the world would be a better, happier place.

So there you have it. Deep isn't it! Well what did you expect? Faith/spirituality is not supposed to be difficult. Human beings have an infinite capacity for overcomplicating things. So I submit this simple thought: Don't be a d-bag.

Amen.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother Teresa

"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection." - Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama:

"A man's true wealth here after is the good he does in this world to his fellow man." - Muhammad

"An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind." - Mohandas Gandhi

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha

"Be excellent to each other." Bill S. Preston, Esq.

I'm not sure of much...

2010-01-03T14:50:00.003-05:00

...but I'm sure that living things can transfer "energy" to each other. Call it what you want, but moods, attitudes, overall outlook on life...this stuff is infectious. Consider kids: they are living breathing receivers of your energy. Yell at them during a tantrum and tell me what happens. "The beatings will continue until morale improves!" So in an effort to improve myself, I made resolutions with my daughter (Dylan got a pass because he's only 3 and doesn't really understand the concept yet). I promised not to yell if she promised to always tell me the truth (this has been a real issue since school started). 3 days in, so far so good. My mood has held fairly constant, and the kids have not melted down. Yes it is working. But it's not easy, and as someone who is chronically sleep deprived it can take real discipline to hold it together, especially when the kids are in moods (and as a 3yr old boy Dylan is ALWAYS in a mood). I'm thus thankful in lesser part for the discipline I've developed through sport, and in a greater part for those relationships which have arisen over time. Friends continually "lend" me positive energy when mine wanes, whether they know it or not! And folks, I borrowed LOTS in 2009! I strive to return this favor in 2010 and beyond.

"Do not let circumstances influence your thoughts and moods. By rising over them mentally, you will eventually rise over them materially."

"Positive energy breeds positive energy"

"Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth."
- The Dhammapada

Out with the old...

2010-01-01T16:04:00.006-05:00

...even if it is unfinished! This blog has recently become littered with unpublished drafts. Some had promise, but for one reason or another never quite got to the point where they said what I wanted them to say, and thus were unworthy of publishing. So with today being the first day of 2010 (and of course the rest of our lives), I'm scrapping the partially finished works and starting fresh.

Goals for 2010:
1) Contentment. This is my big one. It was a response to a Twitter poll and I like it, especially if you use the definition of "Santosha".

2) Post more to this blog. Twitter and Facebook are fine, but once in a while it's nice to lay out full trains of thought. I'm going to aim for once a week.

and 3) the more mundane "get a new job." Above all else I need to like what I'm doing. I don't "compartmentalize" well, so if work is making me miserable I'll be miserable everywhere and to everyone. I moved into management earlier last decade because that was what you were supposed to do. Well I'm a builder perhaps even a leader, not a manager. Managers maintain status quo. I need to create.

I'll conclude this post with a thought about Selfishness and Selflessness. Like love and hate they are not opposites. They are more like next door neighbors. Personally I think of selflessness as achieved when in the final assessment of a situation you postpone the selfish want. You have to have the selfish want in the first place or your act isn't all that selfless. It is a very thin line that I walk with these competing states. If they were opposites the gap would be huge, wouldn't it?

Boy I'd love a new bike, an Argon 18 E114.

Back in action

2009-12-13T17:12:00.006-05:00

Well I almost didn't go, but I'm glad I did. It's been a roller coaster since Placid, and I had no real idea where my fitness stood. But the weather was nice, the wind relatively calm, and I needed to know how well I've held up. So yes I went to the 26th Annual Christmas 10k Run & 3.5 Mile Walk. This was my first competitive effort since July. Training has been inconsistent, but when I have trained I've tried to be smart about it so the minutes were no wasted. I've also tried to keep my weight reasonably in check. I started the day at 159lbs which is 6.5lbs more than my LP race weight. The course is pretty flat with a few rollers and a .2mile kicker right at the end. Makes your heart try to jump out of your chest it does! Long story short, I tried to run reasonably, not flashy. Took it out at 5:55 and tried to keep pace from going over 6:20 as I tired. The final result was a 37:45. My Garmin logged the distance as 6.17, or 6:07 per mile. That is exactly what both the www.runcalculator.com running calculator, and my Daniels training spreadsheet said I should run. Of course both were based on a guesstimate of being able to manage a 18:10 5k.

I've run this race before and would have been happy with anything under 38:20, and was shooting for 38:00. The extra 15sec were a bonus! It did hurt like hell. I knew RPE would be 10+ because I've done NOTHING since last Tuesday. I hurled 3 times (warm-up, mile 3.2, and after the finish). Here are the results:

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/09/ri/Dec13_26thAn_set1.shtml

That's me with the misspelled name in 15th place.

I'm also including a link to my pace data. I was hoping for pace and HR, but as happens when running in cold weather, by mile 2 my heart strap slid down to my waist. You'd think the belly would have held it in place! The splits were taken at the mile markers, though you'll notice the 5th mile marker was off a bit. The avg speed numbers tell the real tale.

http://connect.garmin.com/splits/20501610

Don't know when I'm going again, but it is a relief to know that if I have the opportunity to focus again, I still have something in the tank.

PS: The whole crew turned out for the finish. It was great to see them. The kids especially loved the "Allie's Donuts".

Yeah I'm thinking again...hate that.

2009-11-18T23:13:00.007-05:00

I really need to stop doing thinking, especially when I should be in bed. But after a pleasantly surprising day running, I'm stuck remembering the surgery that started it all. I've written about it before, so I'll just leave a link here which describes the circumstances.

Pectus Excavatum

As a parent I want nothing more than to protect my children. When I asked my parents why they agreed to let me have the procedure at the age of 12 (I was actually in the hospital on my 13th birthday), my mom gave me the short ,"well you wanted it." I'm really glad they let me, but obviously I had no idea what it meant. I mean I was 12. They trusted me to Dr. Ravitch (the inventor of the procedure used on me). The improvement in my athletic performance was immediate as my chest expanded. Middle of the pack runner in my class to almost the best. In essence a huge part of my life as I know it started that day in March. I just wonder if I could do it in my parent's place. At the time the thought was that it was mostly a cosmetic fix. We know now it wasn't, but that's hindsight. I still have general numbness and an impressive scar. It was a big deal. My parents are smart people. They understood it was a big deal. Could I do it?

Hopefully I won't have to find out, but no doubt there will be something. That's just life.

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that the first non-family visitor to my bedside is one of my Facebook friends. Thank you for the comic books Charlie. I've never forgotten.

Humbled

2009-11-08T20:17:00.004-05:00

The most amazing thing about the last week is that for some reason I didn't get sick. Yes, I've washed until my skin cracked, and downed enough vitamin C, zinc, magnesium, echinacea and goldenseal(yuck!...naaaasty!!) to bottle my pee and sell it in a health food store, but seriously I've been so covered in the kids germs that I think the only logical explanation is that I already had H1N1 antibodies in my system. Either that or someone/thing/(insert your divinity here) wanted me to learn a lesson.

For the first 3 or 4 days I held up pretty well emotionally. I was patient and nurturing. Even after Leanna went down sick as well, I kept going. Pee on the floor at 1:58AM? No problem grab a mop! Dropped the roasted chicken on the floor just before dinner? I'll cook something else! I was "Super Dad!" And then the wheels fell off. I'm not sure what proved to be the final straw, but by Friday I was breaking. Come Saturday I was Jack Torrance typing "all work and no play makes Joel a dull boy" over and over and over. I had hoped to get out and run a race Saturday, just a 5k x-country, short but long enough to reduce the stress, but was unable to do so. I was bitter and brooding and I felt trapped. I hadn't interacted with the outside world in almost a week. Had Leanna not rallied a little I'm not sure I could have kept it together enough to make it through the day. Come this morning I needed to get out for an hour. I didn't tell Leanna, but I was going to run part of the race course to see if I indeed could have won yesterday. In the final assessment, no I would not have won. Maybe 3rd, but this was real trail running and it was hard, so hard that I crossed the finish line (still marked on the ground), walked a little and hurled. And in that purging all the anxiety and demons swiftly departed.

Parenting is more tough than any race...any. Kids are unbelievably relentless. You try so hard and when you lose it you feel guilty and on par with the worst people in the world. I started the week with images of a #1 Dad coffee mug in my stocking at x-mas. I finished the week thinking I'd be lucky to get coal, and my kids would never want to be close to their crazy Dad who yells a lot again. No #1 Dad here. Pipe cleaners and homemade play dough can't cover up human frailty.

The last week has been one of the most humbling and educational experiences I can recall. Tomorrow I head back to work and despite everything I'm not "jumping up and down" about the prospect of being away from the family. I really love my family and despite everything would rather be with them and going crazy than without them.

November 1 already?

2009-11-01T14:58:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it's been a quarter of a year since I felt like an athlete (Lake Placid at the end of July). Time sure does fly. With the arrival of November I'm beginning (along with my "experiments") my 2010 pre-season training. It's fairly unstructured except for the experimental stuff, and is aimed at keeping the neuron's firing and metabolism from grinding to a halt. My current weight is 160, which is about 8 pounds above my IMLP race weight. My z1 running pace (pace on the flats at 135bpm) is about 7:08 per mile. By comparison I was at 7:28 per mile last January. I hope to pretty much keep things where they are now. I'm starting some lifting to try and increase my power more, as that is clearly my limiter (well, that and time to adequately train for an Ironman). I'm not racing Ironman in 2010, so my training schedule will be closer to what I need to be successful. The focus will be 1/2 Irons with an 'A' goal of finally getting under 4:30, and maybe returning to the World Championships in Clearwater next November.

**Best and Worst of 2009**

Let's start with the best:
3) The return of my inner competitor 4 miles from the finish of Mooseman. It was almost an unconscious reaction. A guy in my age group passed me and I was pretty well resigned to holding pace and just cruising in. Then I caught an almost imperceptible hitch in his stride and something clicked. I just buried it and starting running scared. It was like high school cross country again. I "heard" footsteps behind me. Every time I sensed I was slowing I pressed the pace. By the finish I had destroyed that guy by minutes. Truly invigorating.

2) Similar situation at IMLP, but not an age group competitor and only 2 miles out. I put a minute on a guy in the last 3/4 of a mile. I crushed the finish in a manner I did not think was physically possible after 10hrs of racing.

1) Post finish at IMLP, when the volunteer came looking for me to tell me my family was trying to find me. When I looked there was Dylan on his Grandpa's shoulders searching for me. It just doesn't get better than that. A really difficult race in which I raced as hard and well as I could and then was able to enjoy the accomplishment with my family. That's what it is all about!

Non-racing #1: All the great QT2 teammates I met this year. I'm proud to call my friends.

The worst:
3) Racing the 10k in Hyannis in February. I really should not have raced because I was still sick, but I was soooo tired of being cooped up inside. The wheels fell off big time half way.

2) The Hawaii roll down at IMLP. 105 damn seconds (2 places) away from achieving a life goal: to race Ironman Hawaii. Ultimately it was a blessing. I and my family needed the rest of the year to address things.

1) The month of June. Starting with my call home after Mooseman and going into July, I lived and trained through the worst stress I can remember. We're all still here, and though the road still seems terribly long, we're moving forwards.

I'm hopeful for 2010, because I need to be. What choice is there really? We used to make fun of my Dad for being so idealistic, but as I get older I realize that you really need to be because being too much of a realist makes one pessimistic and ultimately makes one lose hope. We all need hope.

So here's to hoping 2010 is the best year yet!

Restart

2009-10-23T06:52:00.003-04:00

So I need to restart the research. My best efforts were derailed by a mild cold which started coming on last week. Because the family situation is still such that I really can't afford to go on the DL, I completely shutdown the training last Wednesday and started hitting the zinc, C, and echinacea and the neti pot. This bit-o-voodoo got me through with very minor symptoms. In an effort to maintain the "purity" of this very un-scientific study, I'm resetting the clock and doing a new baseline run on Sunday.

Going strapless

2009-10-11T22:31:00.003-04:00

I forgot my heart strap this weekend, but did have the GPS watch, so I decided why not "test" my form. The route was the 8.5 mile loop from my in-laws house in Shelton, CT. The notable feature of the course is the climb up Long Hill Ave. It's about a mile and a quarter long and gets pretty steep near the end, climbing about 400ft vertical. The whole run features about 1000ft vertical.

I set a personal best on the loop today with a 56:26, ~ a 6:38/mile average pace. I ran the final two miles below 6:00/mile.

I'll take it.

Friday in the rain

2009-10-09T20:50:00.002-04:00

Pleasant surprise on this run. Despite poor sleep this week a better run than the last time on Blackstone Blvd. Better pace at less effort. I run this route a lot, and the trend is good. Maybe I really do just thrive on runs in the rain.

The data

Sunday is Runday

2009-10-04T22:14:00.003-04:00

I had a decent run today. Nice strong finish, though there were some rough spots early on. I had a few miles worth of flashing lights and disorientation. I know why it happened; all about the pre-run activities (think kids and too much predawn activity). Things were the worst shortly after mile 2. I knew where I was based on the route I was running, but I just didn't really recognize anything. However the legs were great so I just focused on taking the steps, and waited for things to clear. By mile 4 though the head was clear and it was smooth sailing.

Here's the data

It's that time of year again...

2009-10-03T16:02:00.003-04:00

This is the time of year, every year, when the inner geek in me resurfaces. Yeah, I know, as opposed to the outer geek which is present all year long! Anyway, in the spirit of Roger Bannister I use myself as my own human subject. Maybe this is part of the "secret" to my endurance; I never really stop training, I just change it up so it feels more like play than training.

The last few years I've spent off-season time tweaking bike position, especially the front end of my bike. Of course to test any change you have to ride a little, so... This year I'm focusing on some aspects unrelated to my bike, though I do have one bike related change in the works as well. For a six week period, which started last Sunday, I'm going to do a very specific set of workouts and see how I can change my current fitness. The baseline run will be last Saturday's run around Sachuest. My workouts will be more about repetition and less about duration: 5 days per week totaling no more than 3 hrs. Also there will be only 3 runs and 2 bikes. This is extremely light compared to what I've handled in the past, and thus will be very manageable.

As well as retesting around Sachuest, at the conclusion of the test I also plan to take whatever fitness I have and put it to the test in competition. There's a 5k near my house in early November as well as an 8k steeplechase a week later. The 5k will probably provide more accurate results because the technical nature of steeplechase adds too many variables. Anyway you slice it, though, should be fun. Stay tuned for the updates.

A-Mazing

2009-09-19T16:59:00.007-04:00

Today we had an a-Mazing (weak pun, I know) time. Good old fashioned family fun: A corn maze, hay ride, cows (and cow poop). Got to milk a fake cow as well. I'm thinking it was good practice for post-apocalypse Newport (Mad Max-esque). It's a real working dairy farm so a real farmer drove us (actually his 8 yr old grandson drove us...seriously) on real (think veeeery bumpy) paths through real turd filled fields. On more than one occasion I broke my a-- on the bumps: "yeah kids...all part of the experience!" NO respect for the cows, though. They were completely blocking the path at one point, but the kid drove straight through them. Hamburger for dinner tonight!

http://escobarshighlandfarm.com/

Sure I have to forfeit all my cool, but...

2009-08-29T20:26:00.004-04:00

... I have to admit I like the van. And let's face it, I'm not forfeiting much if anything! First a little background on this van; it's pretty pimped out. I figured if I was giving in, I'd go all the way. Not only are the seats and doors power, but the rear hatch is as well. It also has DVD, wireless headsets, XM radio, 15 drink holders, and more hidden compartments than the Millenium Falcon. I plan to sleep in it tonight.

Tropical depression + shopping trip to BJs + power rear hatch = happy daddy. I opened the thing from 15 ft away and it's so big it's like putting an awning up.

And the storage area is HUUUUUGE.

And I like being able to have the kids get themselves in through the side doors, and with a push of the button they're safely shut into the vehicle while I load up.

So just call me Clark Griswold, and for x-mas someone needs to get me one of those magnetic soccer balls!

Come run with me.

2009-08-23T11:46:00.006-04:00

Figuratively, not literally. Nobody ever really runs with me. I've even stopped looking for partners and I now embrace it as my time; time to think, time to wonder.

Yesterday was Dylan's party. It was almost the perfect party. It wasn't too big. Everyone had fun. Everyone left on schedule. That meant an easy transition to the routine today. With Grandma and Grandpa (my mother and father in-law) still here, daddy was allowed to have the rare guilt free weekend run. My route today was one I've done countless times. I start at the end of my driveway. Travel down third beach road and past the beach. Cross over to second beach and then cruise out to the Sachuest Point nature preserve. I loop around the 2.7 mile outer trail, and then back the way I came in. For the most part I've now become so accustom to the scenery that I sometimes pass the time more concerned about pace and heart rate than the natural beauty of the area. Today, however was different.
Hurricane Bill past by in the night, and the sky was a beautiful and calm blue with gentle high level clouds. The air was warm with still good amount of humidity in the air. The ocean however told a different story. The seas were not angry, rather they were "stern". Great long swells pushed inexorably towards the land (and the trail on which I was running) and then crashed upon the rocky shores of the point. These same rocks which were typically dotted with fisherman were now once again the property of Poseidon. Spray launched 20 or more feet above them and then hid them from view completely. On days like this there seems to be an intent or purpose to the activity of the sea. It comes as no great surprise that large amounts of refuse, human refuse, get regurgitated onto the land. I feel as though we're being told in a not too subtle way that we are not masters of the sea, but rather tolerated users. Get too arrogant and disrespectful and you can be wiped away so quickly and completely that the fact you ever existed could be something very much in doubt.
Other images reinforced this "there are many things larger than man" message. The area where we had held the party a scant 16hrs earlier had also become part of the sea. The long ribbon of fine white sand which is second beach was replaced by lines of breakers which washed well past the life guard stands.
As I finished the loop in the preserve and retraced my steps towards home I thought of my family and kids. They were headed to the beach. Had I done my job as a father and taught them to properly respect the ocean? Did they understand the message? Despite knowing that everything would be fine, I pushed the pace on the way home for no reason other than to be once again available to assist should I be needed. As I sit here typing everything is fine. Dylan's napping and Alexandra is playing in the kiddie pool on the deck.
I am relieved and oddly peaceful as the awe and anxiety created by the power of nature has an amazing power to wash away the ultimately frivolous concerns created by that artificial world we call "work" or "real life." I am also reminded of what is so special about this place I now call home. What is more real, a check box or number on some company's personnel evaluation or the majesty of a 10 ft. swell pummeling and then consuming a stone outcropping (and anything on it)?

Storm waves in RI

It's official

2009-08-21T07:07:00.002-04:00

I'm shutting it down for the year. Initially I had planned on racing in September, either a 1/2 Iron or a 50k trail race (running), but that plan's now scrapped. Issues that have dogged us much of this year are still present and I need to help out around here w/o adding the stress higher volume training brings. Both the aforementioned events would require at least one or two extended workouts per week in addition to regular workouts. However this doesn't mean I'm not training at all. I'll be doing some, because I go nuts if I don't. And I will be running the Amica Marathon in Newport in mid-October. "But you said you're not racing?" Yes I did, but the Amica (formerly Breakers) Marathon will be a glorified training run because it is run entirely on roads I know. I can also manage the bulk of the training at work meaning I'm around all weekend. And there's no traveling and the kids can come out and see me run. The second half of the course loops around my house making spectating really, really easy.
If anyone wants to come down and run with me or spectate, just drop me a line. You can hang here.

Lake Placid 2009

2009-07-28T21:48:00.011-04:00

It's taken some time to be able to focus on what this race truly was: one of my best managed races and definitely best managed Ironman ever. I needed a little time to feel sorry for myself. You see when all is said and done, I am still lacking that check box on my "list." You know the one, the one that says "Hawaiian Ironman." I was fairly close last year, 2:30 - 3:00 minutes, almost by accident. I was closer this year: 105 seconds. And there was no accident. I threw down the best race I had in me last Sunday. The only problem was 12 other guys did the same thing and did so a little bit better. It's frustrating because I wasn't at my physical best. No excuses, it was what it was. For whatever reason I just did not have my good biking legs. My time was decent, but slower than what I needed. Everything else was spot on. In fact I even bested my swim projection by a minute or 2. I don't even think I could have made up all 105 seconds in T1, which is normally where I drop lots of time. I wasn't blazing, but in the crowd I was in based on my swim, I managed T1 pretty well. I maybe left 30 seconds out there.

The day started at 4:00am with the usual routine: choke down the apple sauce, sports drink, powerbar and banana. Try to enjoy about 1/2 a cup of coffee to get the heart started. Take care of business. Wander over to transition and get things in order. Because this was my 4th time racing Lake Placid I have the drill down pretty cold. So at 6:25 I proceeded to the water and at 6:40 or so I made my way into the lake and found my spot on the far side of the course. I like to keep the crowd to my left because I most frequently breath to my right when swimming. This keeps the stray hand/foot/you name it out of my face while trying to get some air. This year I also found some buds to hang with before the canon went off. This helped greatly in calming the nerves. Nonetheless when the canon sounded, pandemonium ensued. If you've never seen an Ironman start, it is a sight. This picture doesn't really even do it justice.
It's a no holds barred cage match. In 2005 I had my swim cap pulled off my head. This year my teammate got a rib cracked by a kick. If you ever have the opportunity to experience this madness, you'll know why I put such a premium on conserving energy and staying relaxed rather than trying to put in my absolute best time. Sure if I were a faster swimmer and could get out in front of the pack, it'd be a different story. However I'm not. I covered the first lap in 32 minutes which was about what my "unmolested" practice time had been, so I was content. Now the goal was just to not fade too much on lap 2. I came out of lap 2 in 34 minutes (lap 2 is a little longer than lap 1 because you have to swim out from the beach rather than starting right on the line, so I was pretty satisfied with my performance. I was tired but not beat and my heart was not racing so I was able to quickly focus on transition. **Note to self: Get velcro strap for Garmin watch. The regular one takes too damn long to put on. Also, maybe go back to wearing heart strap in water, so you don't have to phutz with it in transition. Combined this was probably 45 seconds.**

The big problem of the day was my bike ride. Okay, I say problem but it's all relative. I had a respectable bike time of 5:35. However, I felt like I was riding in mud most of the day, and I had an annoying lack of confidence in my new tires because they have a lot more "rebound" than my old ones. This means the bike bounced more over the ever present ripples in the black top on the 6 mile decent into Keene. This lack of confidence in turn led to a slow maximum speed of 42mph, well down from the nearly 50 I did the year before on exactly the same bike setup except with my Michelin Pro Lights, not the Hutchinson Fusion 2s. Not an excuse, I just need to be a better bike handler. Because I'm not I lost time. Despite this lack of "sack" assuming I didn't fade I was still exactly on target for a 5:28-5:30 until about 20-25 miles to go. It was at that point that the wind kicked up and my legs went away from me. I had cramping issues in both hamstrings which got so bad that I had to pedal standing the last 4 miles of the ride. Ironically if I had done a bit more climbing in the standing position earlier in the ride, I might have avoided some of the cramps. Oh well, maybe next time. I happily handed my bike over to a volunteer and ran to get my transition bag for the start of the run. I had one cramping episode in the transition tent but quickly got my shoes on and walked out to the run course. I knocked back a gel and some water and started off on the final, albeit long, leg of the race.

The sun which had made much of the bike fairly uncomfortable, stayed hidden for much of the run. Good thing too, because when it came out it got pretty unpleasant. I've got the burned shoulder blades to prove it! The human body is an amazing machine. Despite debilitating cramps during the end of the bike, I had no issues running. In fact I set off easily hitting my planned 7:10/mile starting pace. The goal for the run was a 3:23, or 7:45 per mile run with the usual walk for 10-15sec every even number aid station. I put my heart rate in the middle of my aerobic zone, known in QT2 lingo as Z1, and just cruised. I had no leg issues this year, and really no nutrition issues either, with one exception: Gatorade Endurance just isn't working for me. Maybe I need to train with it more, but by the end of the day it was really pretty nauseating pulling it down. I used more straight water this year as opposed to previous years, for rinsing down gels and pieces of Powerbars, and that helped the emptying of the gut quite a bit. There were no head in the clouds, "losing it" moments. All clear headed and ready to go. I had one fairly rough patch with about 5 miles to go. I think it was a combination of the heat, and actually purposely slowing a bit to ready myself for the final drag into town.

The last "surge" into town went far better than expected. The hill up to Main St. in Lake Placid usually feels like Everest on the final lap. This year I recall being surprised at how, when I put pressure down on my feet, my body actually lifted and moved smoothly forward. Don't get me wrong, it was hard. But my heart did not seize. In fact I didn't even hit my threshold heart rate. As soon as it flattened out a little I was able to start rolling again and with only 2 miles or so to go, I scoped out the competitors ahead of me. Sure enough teammate Andy was still in range. He had passed me during my rough spot (he had a great run), and my ego really doesn't like being passed! :-) So I squeezed up the pace and waited to see how close I really was at the final turn-around. The last stretch is mayhem with people on their 1st lap, people on their 2nd lap, and bikes still coming in. It's a little tricky trying to run hard and pass people without hitting something. However, I managed to stay upright and hit the turn a scant 10 seconds behind Andy and some "talkative" guy apparently in Andy's age group. Frankly I couldn't tell if he was being encouraging or just annoying to Andy, but either way I was now going to put the hurt on the guy yap'n at my teammate. When he saw me pull up he thought it was Andy for a second and then realized it wasn't (he told me this after the race). However he tried to hang with me even after he knew we were not in the same age group. Well it did give me some satisfaction to hit gas and turn on some of the speed I developed during endless indoor track sessions this last year. I gapped him with authority and flew into the finish hitting the line in 10:13:56. I had reset my goal after the bike to finish in 10:15 or better. It was nice to beat that target. And as last year, Tim was there to greet me on my arrival.

So I sit here reflecting on an experience that in retrospect I really enjoyed all the while recalling saying to Leanna after the finish, I don't think I ever want to do this again. It really hurt today. I mean I had Apollo Creed's line from Rocky in my head "Ain't gonna be no rematch!" Leanna said I was just having one of those "I'm never drinking again moments." She was right. She usually is. Some of what is creating this feeling of satisfaction and, dare I say bliss?, is realizing that this race experience was really enhanced by being able to share it with family, friends, and teammates (okay that's redundant, my teammates are friends). The moment that will be with me forever was the volunteer coming up to me in the food area and telling me my family was looking for me. Sure enough when I looked up, there was Dylan on grandpa's shoulders looking, no searching, for me with a true honest intensity and yearning and shouting "Daddy, daddy!". It was a far cry from the "battles" we have around the house when even at 3 he "challenges" the other male in the house for supremacy. No in this place at this time all pretense was gone and just pure emotion from him, and in kind from me. He yelled. I cried and went over to give him a big hug and kiss. And of course Alexandra was there too, hidden by the fencing. I reached over and gave her a big hug and kiss as well. She gave me a high 5. Yes this part was/is more important than Hawaii.

Home stretch

2009-07-10T05:44:00.002-04:00

16 days to go. I'm well into the taper. Things are good physically. I had a touch of tendinitis in my ankle after my peak volume period, but that's clearing up. Had a rare double flat tire during my last big training ride. Had just enough co2 to repair both, but wound up riding the last 80 miles or so on 2 partially inflated tires.
Leanna still makes progress though not at the pace we'd like. She is driving a little again, so it seems the vertigo has subsided for the most part. So I'm back at work full time again. Yeah, turns out I didn't miss much. Still have to get my staff's reviews done. I'm about a month late with those. Also am behind on some project status reports. But you know what? I really don't care much, for 3 reasons:
1) We already know there are no raises for like the next 3 years.
2) My manager told me he's not putting me in for a promotion.
and most importantly
3) In a little over 2 weeks I'm going to be hitting Ironman Lake Placid with by far the best form I've ever had, and that includes last year. While there's always quite a bit of luck involved, most everything else has been addressed.

So it's back to being a Dad/Husband/triathlete who also has a job which (mostly) pays the bills. Could be worse actually. I could be stuck with just a job, and that would be so much less fulfilling of a life.

Knock on wood...

2009-06-29T20:26:00.005-04:00

...but the things seem to be turning around. Leanna is on the mend; not there quite yet but we're stringing good days together into a pattern of steady progress. She's still unable to drive which means I'm still working from home.
I have been training, actually a lot, fitting it in wherever. Actually got in extra volume (within reason) because I've had a lot of nervous energy to work off. This week, especially the weekend, was the biggest week of training I've had. Yesterday was 98 miles riding (okay Tim I told you about the 90, but I did tack an 8 mile tail onto the end of the ride to get 5 hours in...mea culpa) followed immediately by an 8.12 mile run (1 hour even). Total exercise time was 6 hours and 8 minutes. Today I followed that up with the 17.8 mile run around the ocean drive. I was really concerned that I wouldn't have it in me to pull this off. The first 40 minutes of the run were brutal. Then I found the rhythm and it just became a regular run. Okay a little harder than a regular run, but it did go well. As beat as I am physically, I actually feel pretty relaxed right now because for the first time this year I really feel like I can reach this goal. I know I have never, including last year, been in the condition where I could put together a string of workouts like this and still be a functional husband and father. After all, I am still managing the show here too.
The biggest hit my training had taken to date seemed to be mental, not physical. I've been so concerned about the constant changes and upset, missed hours, makeup hours, etc... that I figured there was no way I was where I needed to be physically. Well I put up some really solid numbers this weekend in all three disciplines. The fact that I'm sitting here writing this tells me I'm still in the hunt for Kona.

Less than 4 weeks to go and this week is another big one...time for the final push.

An interesting rhythm

2009-06-22T20:53:00.002-04:00

I've fallen into this rhythm the last couple of days where life has begun to operate on a 24 hour clock. A pretty steady pattern of family/daddy duty, then some training (never more than 2hrs at a time), then back to family/daddy. Yes the notable missing element is work. Sleep actually does make an appearance as the item that appears in a given block when training doesn't. While my training is not optimal, I am getting my total hours in by increasing the number of reps. Sleep actually is not that far off, either. Once again no long stretches, just more reps.
This is possible because I work in higher ed and have a couple weeks of accrued sick time available, and a few more weeks of vacation should it be needed. I knew there was a reason I worked at Brown!
This emerging pattern (I'm all about patterns) is important because I might just be able to pull this off! This week and next I'm overloading my training, and if I make it through this I think I can actually make it to LP in decent shape! Yes it is all predicated on Leanna's continued improvement, but she was much better today than she has been in a few days. True it is just one day, and no doubt there will be setbacks, but we're only living one day at a time anyway, so I'll take it. It gives me a fraction of a bit of hope, and for someone as stubborn (and could it be optimistic?) as me, that's all I need.

Like a disfunctional relationship...

2009-06-21T20:27:00.002-04:00

...training and I have broken up and gotten back together 3 times this weekend. I'm on my bike now awaiting Leanna's return home. I'll be riding to almost midnight tonight. In the final assessment I'll have missed a grand total of 48 minutes of running, and a little intensity swimming. My bike will be spot on, maybe even a little over, though all trainer work. At this point I'll take it.

So going forward my training strategy will be taken from "Cool hand Luke," cause right now I've got nothin'.

"Nothin'. A handful of nothin'. You stupid mullet-head. He beat you with nothin'. Just like today when he kept comin' back at me - with nothin'.

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real Cool Hand."

35 days and counting

2009-06-21T13:42:00.001-04:00

Well the body is still willing and able, my 5k interval during my run yesterday was @ 5:55/mile, but logistics are about to get very hard. 34 hrs of training scheduled over the next 2 wks, plus work, plus taking care of the kids, plus taking care of Leanna. My trainer will be seeing A LOT of action, but I need road time to get the pacing right. Pacing is my differentiator. I know I'm excellent at it...if I get my dress rehearsals in. I need that "imprinting" on my brain and muscles. Race day I can recall those sensations and dose my effort properly. I have my GPS/Heart monitor, so assuming I just get the time in physically I'll be ready, but I'll have to rely almost entirely on the electronics for strategy, and while I love technology, I wouldn't be thrilled about betting my whole qualifier on it.

It's June what?!

2009-06-18T20:06:00.004-04:00

Ironman Lake Placid is 5 1/2 wks away. That means I'm in the final push of training, right? Well yes and no. According to my schedule I am; according to the log of actuals...not so much. Here's the last 36 hrs:

Wed 1:45am, One child nightmare.
3:45am One accident
4:30am scheduled wake-up for 100min workout, doesn't happen. Plan is to do it that at lunch+ that night.
6:45am Kids up...morning routine.
Leanna is still quite ill so Kirsten is coming to watch the kids at 8:30am
8:40am leave for work.
9:30 arriving in Providence. Get call to come home. Leanna is going to ER.
4:00pm everyone home from ER.
Mentally beat so plan is to try to do workout Thurs in addition to Thurs swim.
Thurs 7:05 everyone up, morning routine.
8:30 drop off Dylan
8:50 drop off Alexandra
9:10 home
10:00am back to Newport ER.
4:30pm home again with both kids, Leanna, and my in-laws.

So much for best laid plans. So I'm riding for 2hrs on my trainer tonight. An hour in the morning. Running god knows when. I missed a key swim, though thanks to a "cheat" I did get in 30min of ocean swimming Tuesday which is typically my steady swimming day, but was supposed to be off this week. Tough conditions Tuesday resulting in a reminder of why I always swim with a buddy: about 6min into the swim we hit the first buoy. I stopped swimming to tread and sight my new line when it hit me: vertigo. I know it happens, but it had never happened before. I almost lost it out there. My partner Mike calmed me down. We started swimming again and I just followed is feet. It gave me a good object on which to focus. About 5min later it had mostly passed and the rest was uneventful.

It's safe to say I'm a bit concerned about my readiness for LP. I can't take much more of this. That said I'm not that far off my training volume for the week, at least I won't be by 8:00am Friday. We're currently "sleep optional" at the Kehm household until I'm caught up. Oh, but we are beer mandatory.

**Update: June 21**
Spent the entire weekend in Newport Hospital. Lake Placid participation is very much in jeopardy. Haven't totally given up the ghost yet, but with the long weeks on tap, hard to see how it gets done right now.

2009-06-13T15:15:00.004-04:00

I don't write about my Dad much, and in truth I don't call him nearly as much as I should (queue Harry Chapin), but I was thinking about him last night and am almost certain we were doing the exact same thing: watching the Pittsburgh Penguins win their 3rd Stanley Cup.

Good game Dad, wasn't it. Talbot reminds me of some of the super role players from the 91-92 Pens. Love you, Joel.

Mooseman 2009

2009-06-09T10:50:00.008-04:00

This entry is mostly race report, part open letter to my team, and part reflection on this year. Each race season, at least the memorable ones, seems to have a theme. There is no doubt about this year's theme: perseverance.

I'm not going to recount all the issues; seems too much like feeling sorry for myself. I will start with a big congratulations to my teammates and a huge thank you to the QT2 coaches, especially my friend Tim. The dominance by the QT2 team (4 out of the top 5 places overall) speaks volumes. It was an honor to wear the colors and to get the incredulous looks as I went for my run right AFTER the race. Hey, it's all about Lake Placid and race day or not, I needed my 12o minutes of running. My biggest regret was not being able to stay around and enjoy the moment with people, and for that I apologize to my team (more on this later), but I'd have to do the same thing all over again (doesn't make it feel any better though).

This was my 1st triathlon of the year, first open water swim of the year, and first time in my full wetsuit since 2007. So despite my experience, I was every bit the neophyte in the early going. If there was any doubt about that, getting crushed by teammate, newbie (and former Kid Rock look-a-like) Custie Crampton in T1 made this abundantly clear. Something about swimming so far off course that I practically had to dodge boat moorings also threw the ice cold water of the reality of the situation in my face. So the early going smacked every bit of "my first race"-itis. T1 issues included, but were not limited to, wetsuit removal, putting on bike shoes (I missed the shoe a couple of times), putting on Garmin HRM/GPS watch w/numb fingers. In whole I probably gave away a minute or more in the water and 45 sec to a minute in transition.

The net effect here was a bit of panic beginning the bike. Add in the gigantic wads of grassy mud in my bike cleats which prevented clip in on both sides (another 10-15 sec lost clearing these while riding), and my pace strategy was put on hold for a bit. It was a good 10 or 15 miles of riding before I could begin to settle down. Experience told me I was overcooking it, but every time someone passed me (and a few people did...at first), mentally I started losing it. Only when triathlon legend Karen Smyers caught me and said a couple of words did I start to focus. Oh yeah, that's right I do know what the hell I'm doing out here! At about mile 20 of the bike I got things under control.

First step was to ease off to allow my gut to start processing liquids again. I could tell I was dehydrating and while not a 100 degree day like last year, dehydration would ruin my race. It meant letting people pass me and go on. It meant reminding myself I am strong on my bike this year and there was still more than half the leg to go, plenty of time to re-catch people. It meant reminding myself I was one of the best runners in my age group and would likely mow these guys down on the run. I just needed to make sure I could run. The first loop, including futzing time, took ~1:16. Good time but at what cost? I didn't feel great starting lap 2, but at least I was focused. I watched my heart rate more closely: 132-134 on the flats, 142-144 on gradual climbs and into the headwind, 150-152 on steep pitches, 115-125 descending. As my focus came back and the nutrition kicked in, so my legs came back. On the second time up the Devil's hill (a fairly steep pitch at ~miles 6 and 34) I was once again riding and climbing with a familiar fluidity and control. I didn't drop too many people on the climb itself, but because I could shift into a bigger gear as soon as the road began to level out I quickly distanced most pursuers. From that point on nobody from my age group passed me and stayed away. In fact few if any people passed me at all. At mile 46 I bid a smooth and steady farewell to my inspiration Karen as well. I had a few near misadventures the rest of the way in, most notably with a turning ambulance on the firehouse downhill (now wouldn't that have been ironic!), but made it safely into T2. My 2nd lap time was virtually identical to my 1st, but it felt sooo much better. I made it through T2 in a manner more consistent with my experience, racking my bike, changing shoes, and getting on the road in 58 seconds, which actually topped coach Tim by 2 seconds!

Heading out onto the run I was a little uncertain how I would feel, but I was certain of one thing: I need to get some gels down. I used one of my own and one from the course because I wanted to save my last one for the final push on the run. Note to self here: NEVER again accept a Clif Shot Vanilla gel. I almost hurled. It was the nastiest taste I can recall. But I choked it down and washed everything down with some water and was ready to run. Shortly after beginning the run I passed our ever faithful QT2 support crew. Courtney told me fellow teammate Keith Manning was just up the road from me. This gave me a good carrot because I new Keith would be running pretty well. Hey we all train on the same protocol after all! Knowing that I was a mere minute or two behind Keith helped, because it meant I had made amends for my poor start to the race. So I quickly found my rhythm and settled in at my instructed target pace, 6:45 per mile. It felt easy and smooth...and then my left hammy started cramping. This is a familiar issue which occurs exactly at the one mile point after a hard bike and a quick transition. I think of it as my body finally figuring out I'm not longer on the bike and going into shock for a second. If I lolligag in transition, this doesn't happen. If I ride slowly this doesn't happen. Fast ride, fast transition...problem. Well of course Tim comes running down the road the other way right as I'm dragging my left leg behind me a little to keep the hamstring from seizing. Tim, in the middle of his own race, asks me how I'm doing. It's why I love working with him; he really does care. I gave a non-commital "okay" because I wasn't sure if I was going to get better or worse. Fortunately within 1/2 a mile everything loosened up and I was good to go. I picked it up a little to get back on pace, but I hadn't slipped much so mostly it was smooth running.

The run was somewhat uneventful for a while. I just nailed my pace and slowly chipped away at the people in front of me. A few times a fast mover came motoring by me, but mostly I was passing people. Near the end of the first lap I caught up with Keith and we ran together for a bit. We chatted and that helped me work through a rough spot. With about 5.5 miles to go I downed my last, double caf, gel packet and washed it down with a little more water. Then Keith and I settled in to pace and chatted about how we manage race stress. I was just finishing my explanation of how I try to ignore everyone else on the course when I guy with a 42, meaning he was in my age group, passes me. He looked good. I made a comment about this being the point of a race where, barring him having a meltdown, I doubted I could run with him. Then we hit the big hill on the course and a couple of things happened. I noticed something very slight in the guys body language. He stopped moving away. At the same time my inner athlete turned and stared straight into my face and said, "You pussy! There's 4.5 miles left and you're only running at 148 bpm. You have lots of room to go, so Go get that guy!!" I didn't charge but instead kept a firm pace on the climb. I guess the guy tried to go with me, but when you make moves like this you don't look back. As it started to flatten out I gave it what I had. I kept it rolling the rest of the way home. According to Keith the guy did try to go with me and popped on the hill. I put multiple minutes into him by the end of the race and Keith passed and beat him as well.
That final surge felt great. I felt better than I had the whole run. I had dropped my pace from 6:45 to ~6:15-6:20 and felt more like the athlete I think I can be. I sprinted to the line and stopped the clock at 4:34:50, a personal best for me at this distance. I was also 7th in my age group out of 99 people, and 33rd over all out of 668. Despite my poor start I had beaten my projected best case goal time by 2:10.

The thing about QT2 that works for me is that not only do the coaches and athletes work really, really hard, they really support each other. There were people in baby blue all over the finish chute to congratulate me. I got to see Keith finish too. He looked good as well. In fact everyone looked good. The program is that good. And yes, ahh the program; well the other thing about QT2 is that nobody gets to rest on their laurels. Shortly after the race and some refueling, it was out for my run.

It was during that run that real life came crushing back. I called home to tell Leanna how it had gone, but my mother-in-law answered and said Leanna was not feeling well again and was in bed. The shift in emotion from elation to desolation was brutal. As best as I could I went on autopilot, ran back to the transition area, rode my bike and equipment back to the house, grabbed a shower and my stuff, and headed home. I even forgot my bike pump and toolbox at the house. I only said goodbye to a couple of people and not even to Tim. I needed to get home, but I truly feel like a schmuck for ditching my people. QT2 owned the race and we all should have been at the awards to celebrate. I've been feeling like a crap teammate ever since.

Like the race itself, it was a great and crappy weekend at the same time. I saw hints of what could be, only to be smacked by what currently is. In many ways it would be easier if I had melted down and finished over 5 hours. It would make it easy to quit on Lake Placid. Instead I showed that despite everything I really can do this; that I can actually get stronger as the days drag on. So rather than dropping out I will strap a set on, focus on getting my work in, and keep going. Life is an endurance race after all and in times of crisis you only ever have two choices: quit or strap 'em on and persevere.

PS: Tim's my boy.

Confidence booster

2009-05-31T10:48:00.003-04:00

This is really just a follow-up to the last post. Today I put in arguably my best workout of the year. 80+ miles on the bike and another 6+ running. I was pretty fast and feel reasonably good now. Of course I have about 2 hours of running tomorrow, which I guarantee will be sheer agony, but today I'm fairly content. A week ago I would not have thought I could perform this well.

2009-05-29T22:04:00.000-04:00

The sun will come out tomorrow...

2009-05-29T21:23:00.003-04:00

We made it through the week. It wasn't always pretty, far from perfect, but we made it. It was better than last week. I'm still a bit concerned about pulling it together for the Mooseman half iron in a week, and then Lake Placid; however, I feel better than I did at the beginning of the week. If I get through Monday and complete all my training, I'll feel back on track.
In an odd way the good news is that the lack of readiness is pretty much a mental thing. I had a lot of Best Effort workouts (hard repeats, short rest). They felt god awful, but I did them and did them pretty well. In fact my run today contained 4x800m repeats with 2:30 rest, and I actually negative split the whole workout: 2:40, 2:39, 2:37, 2:36. There was also a 400m kicker at the end run in 1:11. And all that was done with zero on the adrenaline meter. I actually was uncomfortable bordering on miserable the whole time. Between family health issues and work stress, I had nothing in the tank. And still I pulled off quality workouts everyday this week. Despite my physical discomfort as I sit here, I'm pretty content. I wasn't sure if I had enough left upstairs to push myself through these. Turns out I did.

On another note I'm torn about what to do with regards to my employee who resigned this week. It's not a "should I see if we can counter offer" thing; I'm fundamentally opposed to that. Sets a bad precedent. Rather I'm wondering if I should tell him what I really think. You see I really think he's making a big mistake. He's so focused on some objectionable things in his current role, that he isn't properly appreciating what he's about to get in his new job. Sure it sounds egotistical, but he's taking a real downgrade in manager, at least from the standpoint of how much I can offer him in mentoring and career development as opposed to his new manager. However, I'm leaning away from actually telling him because I fear it would be like "drunk dialing." And anyway, I'm not about to offer him something new (even if I could). He's welcome back if there is a job, but he needs to figure out what he wants out of his professional life himself.

Things to encourage insonmia

2009-05-25T22:30:00.003-04:00

Strenuous physical activity at night - check!
Caffeinated gel packet - check!
Working on a computer - check!
I think all I'm missing is renting porn on pay-per-view!

I'm sitting here stuffing my face with tortilla chips and drinking a beer after a couple hours of trainer riding. I need some decompression time from the last few days. Without going into details I wound up with the family down in CT (unscheduled trip) for the long weekend...WITHOUT my bike! Circumstances being what they were, I'd do it again but that doesn't make the anxiety go away.

Each racing year seems to have a theme to it, be it long training miles in crap weather, recurring injuries, motivation (or lack there of), etc... This year the theme is "oh so close!" I've seen enough to know I've got potentially good form this year. I'm past wondering if I can be good. I can be good. But you know, potential doesn't get you to Kona. If I can't get the consistent hours of training in, it just isn't going to happen.

Ah training...it seems so disjointed right now. Amazingly I'm getting the majority of my work in, but there really doesn't seem to be a real flow to it. I don't feel like I'm building towards anything. It's not the plan; the plan has plenty of flow. It's me and my life. I've never been so close to giving up on as I am now; the irony of course is that I've never been as good as I am now. It's because I know I'm good, I will not be satisfied with merely showing up and enjoying the day in Lake Placid. I want to be able to race it well, and that means preparing properly. Because proper preparation seems hard to basically impossible for a while, I've been contemplating punting which is really a tough decision.

Decisions are easy. Living with them...that's the hard part.

Kona has been a goal for me ever since I first watched Ironman in the early 80s. To be so close...well let's just say it's the final piece that is keeping me training. It's tough to give up on a life goal. It could set a very dangerous precedent. So instead I did my best to get in my ride time (a day late by the way) by climbing on my trainer and sucking down my caffeinated gel, the only kind I own. Not the same as being on the road, but actually this weekend it was the safer alternative anyway. I expect to be up early tomorrow getting in the last hour of missed volume from the weekend, and then on to an abbreviated rest day.

One day at a time.

Getting hyper

2009-05-13T20:17:00.005-04:00

I've come to realize I've got a lot going on. Some good, some not so much, but in general I shouldn't complain...but that doesn't mean I won't! Because the weather is warmer and the days are longer I'm starting to get a little hyper about my readiness for Lake Placid. This year has been frustrating because every time I seem to really step up a notch I get sick. I have been bouncing back reasonably well, but that's a lot of snot coming out in the last 4 1/2 months or so. I'm just now getting over illness #4, and had a nice solid workout today, so things are improving.

At the same time I'm starting a project at work which has the potential to be transformational, at least for me. I'm working on a new approach to reviewing data gathered on preterm babies and their mothers, including DNA data, to try and determine causes for preterm birth (click here). The work on the project will contribute to a major grant proposal, which it sounds like a section of which I will also be writing. It's a whole new professional adventure for me and the first time I've been really excited about work in years. There are plenty of challenges ahead, but of everything I've ever done this has that "life's work" feeling to it.

But then there's still my regular management job which is really starting to suck. I have a dud employee and it's really damaging the team morale. Higher ed doesn't do quick terminations. I wish I were back at APC for this one. The problem would have been solved months ago.

And did I mention I've been married 15yrs at the end of this month? Leanna and I are actually escaping for a few days this weekend to celebrate. Between you and me I think it's her way of working me for extra gifts; one this weekend and one on the actual day! ;-) Hey, in all seriousness though, she deserves that and more.

So now I'm hyper because there's so much going on, and when I get that way other things happen, most notably being irritated by meaningless things. After reading something online I now feel the need to open up the whoop on the 40-44 year olds at Mooseman in a few weeks to clearly announce my intentions to go for a Kona spot in Lake Placid as well. Sure my life is busy and whacky and yes, I can only manage peak training weeks of about 14hrs. And I ride a K-Mart bike. But I've earned this one...my family has earned this one by putting up with me!

Missed posts like missed workouts...

2009-05-08T05:52:00.002-04:00

...stack up in a hurry. There's plenty to write about, but it just hasn't been happening lately.
Mostly the Kehm household has been in some minor disarray since our trip to NYC 2 weeks ago. Long story short we've had to deal with yet another bout of whole family health issues here. Nothing big, but it is getting tiresome. Rather than try an work through it this time, I just shut it down for most of this week. Just taking my medicine, so to speak, in the hopes of getting back on track this weekend. I'm trying to avoid another prolonged health situation like Feb./Mar. For the record, no cases of swine flu here, but that doesn't mean the RI Dept of Health didn't get involved. I'll fill you in on those details at another time or in person.
In the midst of all this has come a big po0sitive on the work front. It appears to be a potentially life defining (in a professional way) chance. I'm not going to attempt to write the details here, but let's just say I'm taking a crash course in genomics, proteomics, and bioinformatics.

I'll write more soon. Now it's back to riding the trainer.