Monday, May 25, 2009

Things to encourage insonmia

Strenuous physical activity at night - check!
Caffeinated gel packet - check!
Working on a computer - check!
I think all I'm missing is renting porn on pay-per-view!

I'm sitting here stuffing my face with tortilla chips and drinking a beer after a couple hours of trainer riding. I need some decompression time from the last few days. Without going into details I wound up with the family down in CT (unscheduled trip) for the long weekend...WITHOUT my bike! Circumstances being what they were, I'd do it again but that doesn't make the anxiety go away.

Each racing year seems to have a theme to it, be it long training miles in crap weather, recurring injuries, motivation (or lack there of), etc... This year the theme is "oh so close!" I've seen enough to know I've got potentially good form this year. I'm past wondering if I can be good. I can be good. But you know, potential doesn't get you to Kona. If I can't get the consistent hours of training in, it just isn't going to happen.

Ah seems so disjointed right now. Amazingly I'm getting the majority of my work in, but there really doesn't seem to be a real flow to it. I don't feel like I'm building towards anything. It's not the plan; the plan has plenty of flow. It's me and my life. I've never been so close to giving up on as I am now; the irony of course is that I've never been as good as I am now. It's because I know I'm good, I will not be satisfied with merely showing up and enjoying the day in Lake Placid. I want to be able to race it well, and that means preparing properly. Because proper preparation seems hard to basically impossible for a while, I've been contemplating punting which is really a tough decision.

Decisions are easy. Living with them...that's the hard part.

Kona has been a goal for me ever since I first watched Ironman in the early 80s. To be so close...well let's just say it's the final piece that is keeping me training. It's tough to give up on a life goal. It could set a very dangerous precedent. So instead I did my best to get in my ride time (a day late by the way) by climbing on my trainer and sucking down my caffeinated gel, the only kind I own. Not the same as being on the road, but actually this weekend it was the safer alternative anyway. I expect to be up early tomorrow getting in the last hour of missed volume from the weekend, and then on to an abbreviated rest day.

One day at a time.