Friday, December 08, 2006

Just Thinking

I get a lot of time alone, probably more than many people. Yes this has its downside, but it has its benefits as well. I get to think and think clearly. I get to dream. I get to remember...places, events, defining moments in my life, and special people. It actually surprises me the clarity of some of the memories. Maybe because there are no interruptions, or maybe because the chemicals released during exertion force you to focus and think clearly. I don't remember going to a movie when I was younger. I remember going to see "Brazil" at the Pittsburgh Playhouse during my winter break from Cornell in 1987. I remember sitting in the balcony. Things are more vivid when my heart is beating 140 or more times per minute, at least more vivid than when it is beating 38-40 times per minute. I don't have the really cool dreams anymore, the ones that make me want to stay in bed, just to keep dreaming. No my time awake and alone fills that role. I often thought that maybe I'd be better off with a training partner, and I have had them at times, but they never last. I think I need "the time with (me) to keep me awake and alive."